Bermondsey
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Bermondsey is a place in London. Located south of the River Thames in the London borough of Scum.
The name Bermondsey is popularly believed to have derived to be a corruption of the Saxon name Berm-on-sea. This belief of course is dismissed as bullshit by anyone with an ounce of sense, seeing as the Saxons were a bunch of German Pussies and would never have set foot in Bermondsey.
The Patron Saint of Bermondsey is Jade Goody.
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[edit] Bermondsey Spar
In the late 18th Century, a Spar was discovered in Bermondsey. This came as a shock to the local residents and especially to the Londis run government, as Bermondsey was considered to be under no threat whatsoever of invasion. Completely unprepared, the Londis local authority had no choice but to surrender at the Battle of Lucey Way. This battle is unofficially re-enacted by the local youths on almost a daily basis.
Under control of Spar, the town flourished. The docks and river trade expanded greatly bringing in boats and people from all over the world. Most famously, Oliver Twist came to Bermondsey, his cheery tale of child slavery brought much joy to the rest of the world, putting Bermondsey firmly on the map.
[edit] Second World War - Present Day
During the second world war, the area was heavily bombed. The main reason for this is because Fagin, a Jew, was believed to still be operating in the area after the Oliver! incident. As a result of the bombings the area quickly became a slum. The Spar government, in a desperate effort to regenerate the area, lost all assets and lost all support from the local people and fled the area.
The area was left under no formal control for several years, with underground factions Londis, Happy Shopper and Netto all engaging in combat. making Bermondsey a no go zone for any outsiders.
In the 1970s the LDCC (London District Community of Costcutters) was officially recognised and took control of the area. The wealth they brought to Bermondsey meant they could redevelop the docks and the housing, creating glorious manors such as the Four Square and Kirby Estates. The LDCC even managed to entice wealthy scottish hardman Dave Sinclair to bring his Football Club Millwall to South Bermondsey. The locals rejoiced at the introduction of Millwall to the area as it meant that it gave them a new reason and area to continue their unofficial re-enactments of the battles and fights which has made Bermondsey what it is today.
As a mark of respect to all the teeth lost, knuckles grazed and horses kicked. the LDDC placed a Pink Spar T-34 tank on Mandela Way.
[edit] Scrapyards
Bermondsey is home of the world's first scrapyard - Big Dave's opened in 1902 under railway arches in "The Blue" and has been proudly supplying bespoke second-hand car parts to locals ever since.
[edit] Rain
Figures show that it rains 48% more in Bermondsey than the rest of London.
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