Beyblade
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Beyblade (ベイブレード Bleiblei) is a weapon of mass destruction spinning top developed and manufactured by McDonalds starting in 1999. The introduction of the toy in Japan corresponded with the broadcast of an braninwashing television series of the same name.
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[edit] History
In 2002, Hasbro began to sell Beyblade toys on every planet known to man along with a coordinated country by country roll-out of localized versions of the subliminal messages TV series. The Beyblade toy line went on to be one of the most popular toy lines in the world from 2000-2005 and as of 2005 over 23 units had been sold worldwide, and 40 returned, being way too dangerous.
Mc Donalds executive producer got the idea when he met his friend OsakaMan, took a large dose of crystal meth and started playing with wooden tops. After 10 minutes, OsakaMan had stabbed him with a spinning top, and he quickly got up, ran to the phone as blood gushed out of his chest, but instead of calling 911 he called Takara, anime channel thing and soon the idea for a toy came out.
From then on the beyblading phenomena exploded where hippies would gather in communities and harass the locals for drugs and old cars. The controversial pastime brought misery to the handcrafted ‘real deal’ tops with many worthy craftsmen forced into other professions such as panhandling and working at McDonalds.
Initially banned everywhere except for Uzbekistan, Beyblades eventually got worldwide recognition as one of the most effective stress eliminating methods, as it allowed people to throw spinning tops at eachother that girated at speeds superior to sound... ...and cut through human flesh with that same speed.
Through each of the toy’s generations, they have become sharper, heavier, sore streamlined, and deadly. The show portrayed them as harmless, but that you could hurt people by winning. So, every time there was a loser, a bright white light would shine, blind him, and he/she would end up on the floor bruised, sweating and all weak, as if they had physically kicked his ass. What losers.
[edit] Basic Structure
Beyblade tops are made mostly of cheap chinese plastic, save the Weight Dick and other stuff. These blades all include five basic parts:
- Bit Chip: The most expensive part of the beyblade, it it over 70% of the price (about 60 dollars), and what from first glance may look like a useless plastic tab is actually what keeps the top spinning. Without it, the beyblade would spin for 3 seconds, then stop abruptly and the start spinning and cut your throat. It’s also called Butt Beast. Who knows why.
- Attack Ring: It determines the blade's effect when it impacts against your opponent and in what manner the skin and flesh are torn apart. They come in 5 ‘flavours’: Shuriken-style, Sandpaper, Rusty-Nail-Texture, Swiss Army Knife Ring and Bread-blade.
- Weight Disk: The part located in the direct center of the Beyblade. This determines how far into your enemy’s body you will slice through.
- Spit Gear: This determines the direction of the Beyblade; up or counterup.
- Blade Base: The bottom part of the Beyblade. It’s the spinning top’s ass.
- Tit/Axis: It is cleverly designed so that after 5 seconds of contact with the floor it wears away and you are forced to buy a new one. People just adore this feature
The first blades are composed of a four-layer part system, but upon the arrival of the S- and F-series of blades a new system was introduced which got rid of everything and they started selling the blades as one chunky piece or sharply cut metal:
[edit] Tournaments
To cash in even more, the shows tell you that you have to go buy them all and then go to tournaments, and annually many children go there on summer vacations, only to come back to school without an eye or a leg or some fingers.
Just like in the show (and any stupid mindless anime show) there will be some stupid referee with a mic, some glasses, a sloth tied to cover his hair and a really annoying voice. People are expected to go to restrooms to get ready, and prepare. They come out from each side of the stage and prepare to fight on this little plastic bowl that resembles a toilet for 3 year olds.
People come from all around the world to watch the beyblade world cup and it sometimes even is more popular than the FIFA World Cup Finals. It is a whole stadium, with seats filled with people, all staring at two people letting tops spin on a tiny plastic bowl. Takes away the excitement right after they start, huh?
[edit] The Anime
PLOT- The story is about a loudmouthed pig called Tyson Granger (in the English dub), who just happens to be the best blader in his hometown. The plot, which is pretty non-existent, revolves around this young ' pig' and a bunch of other weirdos, who all form a team for the BBA, or the Blah Blah Aak, and have to save the world time and again with metallic pieces of junk, called beyblades Oh, and let's not forget the demented old man called Voltaire who tries to take over the world with spinning tops, along with his slimy, purple minion, Boris.
[edit] Season 1
Beyblade- Let It Rip!- In the first season, Tyson Granger semingly manages to make it big in the beyblading scene with his Dragoon bitbeast. The cause of his sudden rise in the blading arena has not been documented for reasons unknown, though rumours hint at the involvement of drugs, the mafia, and evil, pink fluffballs from hell. So does the show's protagonist reach the finals of the regional tournament.
In the meantime, Kai Hiwatari, grandson of famed psycho Voltaire Hiwatari, is forced to give up his life-long dream of becoming a ballerina and blade in the tournament with Dranzer again. He reluctantly does as he is told by his grandfather, who is locked up in a high-security cell in Patsy's ol' Mental Asylum. How Kai comes in contact with his relative is incomprehensible, but the young teen isists that's not his grandpa in the loony house.
Back to Tyson- he first meets Kenny, a.k.a. The Chief in his bathroom, trying to nick his toilet. Tyson agrees to not turn him in if the Chief, in turn, agrees to help him in his blading career. Kenny gives in.
Our beloved, deranged Maxie is noticed by Tyson and Kenny in a shootout at Burger King, where Max tries, and fails, to gun down the employees for lousy service. Tyson and Max hit off due to their common love for candy. However, Max tries to shoot Kenny.
Ray just shows up in the middle of the show.
Together, these formidable four form the Bladebreakers, with Kai as their leader. They cruise through the Asian and American tournaments to reach the World Championships finals in Russia.
Here, Kai gets some issues <!cough!malePMS!cough!>, and decides to go all evil and steal everyone's bitbeasts. It is also revealed that Kai's grandfather, Voltaire, never really was at the asylum, and he has planned to take over the world with his aide, Boris the purple slimeball, and beyblades. To help him, he has Boris take over the reigning world champions (the Demolition Boys) and turn their team leader, Tala, into part cyborg.
However, before Tala and his team face off against the Breakers, Kai gets over his mood swing and trots back to his team.
Right before the final match, Tala's circuitry blows a fuse, the old man Voltaire dies of a heart attack and Boris is forced by Max to declare the Bladebreakers as champions at gunpoint.
Thus ends the first season.
[edit] Characters
Here is the list of a few of the characters, with brief and completely inaccurate (read 'made up') descriptions of their personalities -
- Tyson Granger - A big loudmouthed pig with nothing much in his brain...okay, so this isn't made up.
- Kai Hiwatari - The grandson of Voltaire Hiwatari who is known more for his unusual obsession with frilly, pink tutus rather than beyblading skills
- Ray Kon - Someone who thinks he's a cat.
- Max Tate - An emotionally misunderstood outcast who, more often than not, uses purple panties as headgear.
- Kenny A.K.A The Chief - The team's technician. Also a part-time drug dealer and notorious toilet thief (likes flicking the seats most).
