Biblegod

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		"I PITY THE FOO' THAT DOESN'T FIX THIS CRAP!"
	Someone help this sucka of a page by rewriting it. And make it drink its milk too. Only then can it join The A-Team.

In the beginning, the Biblegod created the universe. He gave everyone free will to act independently. Then he decided that acting independently of his will was a "sin", something he can't abide being in the presence of. So the Biblegod gave us free will but doesn't want us to use it. The logic here makes my brain hurt so we won't dwell on this point.

Anyway, so the Biblegod's pretty upset about all this sin on earth. Then he came up with a brilliant solution. He sent himself down to earth to assume a human form named "Jesus". He then arranged for himself to be sacrificed to himself. It was the only way he could convince himself to forgive all of us for being sinful.

For a while, the Biblegod's avatar wasn't sure about this mission that he sent himself on but then reminded himself, "Not my will but my will be done." [Matt 26:31] Being on the cross was really painful. At one point, he was heard to say "Me, why have I forsaken me". [Mark 15:34]

However, all the pain and suffering was worth it. If Biblegod hadn't sacrificed himself to himself, he could never have convinced himself to forgive us and change a rule that he made in the first place. He made himself suffer and die on the cross in order that we might be saved from his own wrath.

I'm not sure exactly how bleeding on a cross makes everything better but the Biblegod works in strange ways. Perhaps its some sort of therapy for working through his anger management problems. Regardless, the he hasn't firebombed any cities lately [Gen 19:24-25] or called for the rape and genocide of entire tribes [Num 31:14-18] since the days of the Old Testament, so let's not argue with what apparently works.

Anyone who doesn't accept the Biblegod's unconditional love as demonstrated by his act of masochism on the cross shall be cast into a lake of fire to be tortured for all eternity [Mark 16:16]. Remember, the Biblegod loves you and doesn't want to torture you for all eternity but you'll make him do it if you don't believe this outlandish tale.

Glory to the Biblegod. Amen.