Big Bird

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“Bird is the word.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Big Bird

Big Bird (Serinus Maximus) (October 22 1965 - October 30 2005) was a large sentient "Terror Bird," a rapacious species of carnivorous bird that supposedly died out in the Ice Age. Big Bird's species survived, and became more intelligent, learning about numbers, letters, and counting, and of course their god, abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz.

[edit] A Life in Review

Big Bird is also known for his voluminous interpretations of Neo-Confusionism. His teachings are communism embraced by the Sesameist faction of Neo-Confusionism, but rejected outright by the traditionalist Poppyists. His writings are zealously preserved in a repository run by a small community of Avian monks in the T'aejosa (태조사; 太鳥寺) temple, located at 123 1/2 Sesame Street, New York.

In 1983, Big Bird went to China to produce a documentary called Big Bird in China, which unfortuantely for many Chinese resulted in an outbreak of Bird flu. Customs was a bit unreliable back in those days.

Big Bird was executed on October 30, 2005 after being suspected as a carrier of the lethal Avian Flu by the government of Constantinople. His execution was carried out by a firing squad armed with Tuna. Hence the day before Halloween is now known as Bird Day aka just another day of the week.

The Big Bird estate, managed by multimillionaire canary and cat-neutering enthusiast Tweety T. Bird, legally owns the numbers 1, 3, and 8, and the letter U, and the estate is fighting a legal battle with Elmo to own the number 2.

He is believed to have an addiction to eating DVDs, something becoming rarer every day.

Big Bird grauduate top of his class at Harvard Law --Big Bird was seen on several dates with Jennifer Lopez together with Jennifer Love Hewitt --Big Bird contributes to many charities world wide, for example the "Save the Number 2 Trust Fund" -Big Bird has an addiction of wrapping doobies -Big Bird is 6ft 8inches tall -His favorite book is "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie", or "Master Apprentice" by Donald Trump -Big Bird loves to steal pre-pubescent girls wearing a bear suit, taking the form of a famous "4Chan" character "Pedo-Bear", short for Pedophile-Bear. -Big bird also raped elmo and was arrested. Big Bird was also a very proud member of the "Flaming Homosexuals Group." He has dedictaed time and effort to wasting people prescious weekend hours to go on gay appreciation walks, luckily these walks include the handing out of flavoured condoms, in colours such as 7, 2, and of course 3. Some of Big Bird's nicknames include Homo Bird and Rape Feathers.

[edit] Big Bird comes out of closet

After many threating letters from AAA, Big Bird announced on December 13, 2003, that he, like Lance Bass and that other guy, is gay. It turns out that Snuffalofogus was actually a cocaine induced fantasy about his old school janitor, Hubert Humperdink. He was immediately tazed after the press conference.

[edit] External Links

Big Bird gives the finger.

[edit] See Also

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Big Bird.

• Elmo
• Sesame Street
• Evil Bert
• Beaked through the head