Big Mac
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“If you are reading this page, you need to get a life Because you don't have one.”
~ Canada on The anti-government
“I an eat more Bic Mac's than you!”
~ Some Guy on Big Mac consumption
The Big Mac is a piece of dog shit between two buns, produced by the specialty bread company McDonalds.
The Big Mac is one of the likely culprits of morbid obesity a sesame-seed-topped, white-bread characterized by the bits of two questionable patties, special sauce, special "sauce," lettuce, cheese, pickles, and onions added to the dough before baking. The "two all-beef patties" are in actuality a combination of shredded school textbook pages and dryer lint. The company that distributes the "all beef patties" is actually called the All Beef Company, which sometimes may cause confusion among most people who believe the patties are made of 100 percent beef.
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[edit] Etymology
The name Big Mac possibly derived from many gangsters and pimps around da world, notably Big Al, Big Moe and Big John. It seems Ronald McDonald liked fat people, although Ronald himself is not as fat as these people. In the end of 18th century, McDonald changed the name to Skinny Joe, because of a number of protests about health campaign. However, since then models becoming anorexic and McDonald's customers became skinnier and skinnier, until the name changed again to Healthy Derek. This brought a dark age to the company, just like the previous name, because it is so hard for fat people to get healthy. Without any other option, the name Big Mac, or Biggie Mac, or Fat "Doe" Mac was back in business.
[edit] Special Sauce
Commonly confused as a combination of mustard,mayonnaise and bat blood, however these are all standard ingredients of the big mac. Special Sauce was a euphemism bought out in a highly-priced public relations campaign to make McDonald's customers OK with ingesting large quantities of semen from pimple-faced 15-year-old fuckwits who will never touch a booby other than their mom's. KFC ran a similar campaign from an earlier stage, which was quite successful, but rather it called the same substance seceret herbs and spices.
[edit] Big Mac around da world
Big Macs are amongst the reasons why the citizens of the United States of America are fatter than hippos. Big Macs are known to accelerate boob-growth on men. Big Macs are laced with cocaine, heroin and powdered sugar, which causes McDonalds restaurant patrons to crave them at inopportune times, such as in the middle of sexual intercourse. 87.5% of all Big Mac addicts will enter a debt management program and/or attend Weight Watchers meetings at least once in their lifetime.
A Big Mac could support half of Russia for a month. Some of its other uses involve being one of the few food items that experiences Earth gravity (9.8 g./cm. cubed) on the moon. It can also ward off wild animals from up to 150 feet away, and has a tendency to attract the famed liger out of its murky habitats.
Because of its superior ability to obesify humans quickly, the Big Mac is worshipped by Fatties and is also said to be the supreme god of their religion. However, archaeologists often disagree and say that the Double Double is superior to the Big Mac.
[edit] Variations
[edit] Ultra Mac
Since the conventional Big Mac was introduced, a lot of veggs have questioned its ingredients and how it lacks vegetables. Following the strike, McDonalds then introduced Ultra Mac, which is claimed to have more vegetables than the ordinary Big Mac. As an illustration, while Big Mac has 3 grams of fiber, Ultra Mac has 28 grams, so if we do a bit of math, Ultra Mac is around 9 times taller and bigger than Big Mac. However, it has close to approximately somewhere around 3427.651415926535 kilocalories(not Calories, mind you).
Due to its gargantuan size, McDonalds only produce up to five thousands Ultra Mac a year, which takes up to five thousands cows and twenty fields of unknown vegetables. Actually, the number of cows needed is ten thousands because McDonalds also need their milk to produce the cheese.
[edit] Cav Mac
[edit] Tyson
Tyson Foods Inc. feeds many types of McDonalds foods to its fowl. The Big Mac is the most popular choice.
[edit] In Technology
The big mac is the name chosen for a new type of computer developed by Microsoft. Although its name implies that it is big, it is really only about the size of an AIDS virus.
| Products | Big Mac · Big N' Tasty/Big Tasty · Kiwiburger · Lean Beef Burger ·Quarter Pounder Chicken McNuggets · McChicken · McRib · McPork · Filet-O-Fish · Egg McMuffin · McGriddles · Happy Meal |
| ..and other items that don't fit into the other topics so they are placed here | Ronald McDonald · McDonalds |
