Bigpox
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Bigpox (fancy medical name Variolais megagigas) is a hardly contagious disease unique to humans and kaiju (which consider bigpox to be smallpox). It's one of the four elemental poxes and diametrically opposed to smallpox. The other two elemental poxes are chickenpox and cowpox, representing the opposing elements of red and white meat. The bigpox virus is very large and visible to the naked eye. Though the virus has proven highly resistant to vaccines and antibiotics, it has yet to develop resistance to being stepped on by a good flat-soled shoe.
[edit] Symptoms
Initial symptoms resemble the common cold, but this happens with most diseases so unless your some sort of crazy hypochondriac that freaks out every time they get a cold, you won't notice. Soon after infection the victim's body is covered in giant itchy pustules varying in size from a B-cup breasts to a prize winning pumpkin. Death can occur if the patient is crushed to death or smothered by the pustules or if they look so gross that nobody wants to touch or feed them even though they're sick.
Another symptom is sudden weight gain, but this weight is mainly pus and germs and not to be confused with dietary obesity. We know the difference between bigpox and your giant flabby man boobs, so there's no use lying to us. Get off the couch and do some aerobics, fatty!
[edit] Treatments
There is no known reliable treatment for a bigpox infection. Lancing the boils will only cause a spraying mess all over the room, though if you do it with a samurai sword you can pretend your that chick from Kill Bill, so that's sort of fun.
Won't heal nobody though.
Applying leeches to the afflicted area was common in olden days, and they did alleviate the worst symptoms of bigpox; but there were several unpleasant side effects such as the creation of giant mutant leeches, being devoured by giant mutant leeches, and vicious gangs of giant mutant leeches terrorizing the countryside.
Oatmeal baths are often used in severe cases of bigpox, but there's no medical value to them whatsoever. Fact is, there's just nothing quite as luxurious as bathing in a tubful of delicious squishy oatmeal. Donald Trump bathes in oatmeal every day, with raisins even. Sure, some people say it's all about champagne bubble baths but the carbon dioxide fumes get to you and you actually feel like you're being sauteed by French cannibals. It's oatmeal all the way, baby!
