Billie Jean
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| Order: | 3rd President | |
| Vice President: | Bubbles the Chimp | |
| Term of office: | 1989 BC – 1857 BC | |
| Preceded by: | George Washington Carver | |
| Succeeded by: | Ruby Tuesday | |
| Date of birth: | 2020 BC | |
| Place of birth: | Neverland Ranch, California | |
| Date of death: | 1857 BC | |
| Place of death: | Neverland Ranch, California | |
| First Lady: | Michael Jackson, Ruby Tuesday | |
| Political party: | Decepticon Party | |
“She's not my lover”
~ Michael Jackson on Billie Jean
Billie Jean is not just any lover, she is singer Michael Jackson's pet llama and the 3rd President of the United States. This follows a tradition whereby famous singers have included hidden references to their lovers in their music, thinly disguised as a "person". For instance Barry Manilow sings about his "pet" dog in "Mandy", and The Beach Boys "Barbara Ann" was about a pot-bellied pig. Eric Clapton's "Layla" was dedicated to his favourite Amoeba.
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[edit] Early Life
Few people truly knew the powers of Billie Jean until it was too late for them and the rest of humankind. She set back the course of history by centuries through a determined effort to force commuters into using only unicycles. Claiming she could do this because of 'pilatical capitol' (not to be confused with 'political capitol') gained in some form of election, she burned the cities and many protestors to cinders. Exactly how this happened, no historian fully understands, since everyone knows llamas don't know how to use fire (see also llamas v. fire). Conspiracy theorists claim that Billie Jean actually kicked over a lantern, similar to the way that Mrs. O'Leary's cow was supposed to have. This is mere speculation, though, because everyone also knows that llamas don't kick lanterns like cows (see also llamas v. cows).
[edit] Middle Life
Defeated tennis pro and shemale chauvanist Bobby "Cathy" Rigby 6-4, 6-1, plus 2 of three falls in a Jello wrestling pit and 4 out of 7 games of Snap, not forgetting the all important 2 of 3 games of Rock, Paper & Scissors.
[edit] Later Life
Died (see also death).
[edit] After Life
To be determined.
| Mythical United States Presidents |
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1st Eris Discordia → George Washington Carver → Billie Jean → Ruby Tuesday → Escape Key → Spark Notes → Jayson Blair → Garfield → Elvis Presley → 10th Thomas Jefferson → Michael Jordan → Ronald McDonald → Doris Day → Ayn Rand → Kermit the Frog → Teddy Ruxpin → Aretha Franklin → King Kong → Barbie → 20th Escape Key (2) → Fillard Millmore → Grover Cleveland → Harper Lee → Grover Cleveland (2) → Beetle Bailey → Grover Cleveland (3) → Abraham Lincoln → Chevy Trailblazer → Elton John → 30th The Unknown Bassist → Satan → Nicole Ritchie → Billy Ocean → Calvin Coolidge → Tom Cruise → Charles Nelson Reilly → Bill Clinton → George W. Bush → 40th Dick Cheney → Saddam Hussein → Ashlee Simpson → Emmanuel Lewis → Calvin Klein → John Kerry → Lyndon Baines Johnson → Jerry Seinfeld → Oprah Harpo 5932 → Bill Clinton v 2.0 → 50th Zsa Zsa Gabor → Madonna → Me → Your mom → Jesus H. Christ → Teeth → 56th Bob |
| Preceded by: George Washington Carver | President of the United States 1989-1857 BC | Succeeded by: Ruby Tuesday |
