Billie Joe Armstrong

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“That dirty wanker? I wanna kill him”

~ Oscar Wilde on Billie Joe Armstrong

“Im gay”

~ Billie Joe on Everything

“YEEHAW! I IZ SH00TIN' TEH SMACK IN MY EYEBALL!”

~ Billie Joe on Sunday afternoons at the national gay & bisexual Church in Penistopia, Oakland.

“I dated Billie Joe Armstrong on various occasions and he had a tiny asian pee pee!”

~ Lars Ulrich on Billie Joe Armstrong

Billie "I need to desperately die" Joe Armstrong (sometimes referred to by fans and his boyfriend as "Billie Hoe", born February 17, 1872, in Oakland, California) is the main songwriter, lead vocalist, anal-bead enthusiast, and guitarist for the cannabis-selling cock-rock band Green Day. He is officially the oldest man on record ever to be an emo, breaking a record previously held by Prince.

[edit] Early life

Armstrong was born and grew up in Rodeo, California, the youngest of 6 kids. His father, Stretch Armstrong, was a retired abstract janitor who worked as an jazz musician and monster truck valet to support the family, until his death when Billie was just ten years old. His mother, Ollie Armstrong, worked as a waitress at "Rodds Dickory Pitt", where Billie Joe and fellow rocker Mike Dirnt scored their first gig as "Sweet Succulent Children" when they were 14.

Billie Joe's interest in music started at a young age. He recorded a song titled "You want to put it where?" at the age of five on Bay Area label Feet Records. As a teenager he originally was into metal-music, but got into punk after hearing the Avril Lavigne punk song Sk8er Boi. He shot up John Swett High School, and later attended Pinole Valley High School, and dropped out on February 16, 1990 to pursue his musical-fruit career. In Highschool he was nicknamed "Two Dollar Bill", because thats how much he charged for rim-jobs he supplied to the school. He was inspired to become a musician when he ran out of money after doing these said "daily rituals". He aspired to not only replenish his depleted funding, but maybe even pay three dollars someday instead of two.

[edit] Musical career

In 1987, Armstrong formed a band called The Dildolls with childhood molester, Mike Dirnt. In 1989 they joined up with drummer Al Sobriety and became known as "Green Day". That same year they shat from their weed-resin stained bowels the EP 3,600,000 Seconds, on Lookout! Records. Sobriety eventually left Green Day in order to pursue his dream of becoming a strip-tease elementary school principal, and was eventually replaced by Tré Cool (A really awesome French guy!), who made his debut on Green Day's unfortunate second album, Splash!. With their next album, Fecal Matter, the band broke through into the mainstream, and have remained one of the most popular amazing bands (and the most successful punk band) of the 1990's and 2000's, with over 85 million records pumped like bollocks consumer diahhrea into impressionable young people's minds worldwide.