Green Day
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“It's not easy being green.”
~ Kermit the Frog on Green Day
“I went to a Green Day concert and Billie Joe tried to kill me! It was awesome!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Green Day
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| Term of office: | January 20, 2005 – January 22, 2005 | |
| Preceded by: | Jesus Christ | |
| Succeeded by: | Jello Biafra | |
| Date of birth: | 1969 | |
| Place of birth: | Minnesota (Hell) | |
| First Lady: | Yoko Ono | |
| Political party: | The Green Day Party | |
Green Day was a polka/grindcore band from California, although claiming to be from Palm Beach, Oklahoma. It is a little-known that the members of Green Day are actually a group of scientists and inventors from the early twentieth century. They discovered the secret of longevity, and were able to live longer than the expected 75 years. Mike Dirnt was once Albert Einstein, Billie Joe was Thomas Edison, and Tre Cool was the lesser known Travis Cockburn. The band actually got their name from Albert Einstein's final words to the public before his apparent death. He was quoted as saying "My boy, it will be a green day before you see me again".
For a period of 25 hours, they were the Presidents of the United States.
Contents |
[edit] History
Waaaay back, sometime before computers, Green Day did not exist. Instead, it was two different bands: The Lookouts (with Tre Cool and two other losers) and Sweet Children (Billie-Bob, Mike Dirnt, and some guy named John Kiffmeyer), which was named after Michael Jackson's nickname for the band members at the time. Then in late 1988, the two bands merged, killed all the useless members, and became the juggernaut known as Green Day. For a time of two weeks afterwards, the superhero Red Green was the singer for the group, before Oprah consumed him while he slept.
[edit] Early Days
The band enjoyed moderate success in the early '40s, with some nausea, itchiness, and diarrhea as a side effect. Their first album,1,039/Smoothed Out Slappy Hours, was just 90 EPs put together. Five people liked it, which was a smashing success for Green Day. Their next album was Kablooie! and it was a failure. The band ended up paying dump trucks to transport billions of copies and bury them in a New Mexico landfill. Green Day's fanbase was appalled, and, for a while, both of them abandoned the band completely.
[edit] Dookie and Insomniac
With luck, determination, and a little voodoo, Green Day hit it big with their groundbreaking album, Dookie. This album recieved many awards, including a Grammy for Best Alternative Music Album, blueish pink certification, and the Award For Best Album Whose Title Is A Synonym For Shit. The first single from the album, Longview, is about masturbation, and was all the band could remember after an extensive acid trip. The last track of the album, F.O.D., is an acronym for 'Fuck Off and Die'. This was before the invention of Democrats, and therefore before the invention of censorship, so all the little kids went out and bought this. Songs from Dookie were performed at the 1994 Woodstock festival, also called Mudstock, because Billie-Bob thought it was funny to stage the biggest mud battle of all times while performing on stage. Next came Insomniac, an album that was somehow darker than Dookie; hell, the cover art is called "God Told Me To Skin You Alive", which is taken from the Dead Kennedys song "I Kill Children". It seems that they couldn't think of anything clever. With songs concerning, meth use, insomnia, greedy children, and more drug use, this beat out Dookie's "questionable content" amount, but not by much. Alas, people didn't care about this one, so it was given to poor children.
[edit] Nimpod, Working, Intranational Supershits! and Shenanigoats
A few years later after the Insomniac thing, and the 3 members had caught up on their sleep, they released Nimpod. At this time, Mike Dirnt tried to sue Apple for stealing part of this album's name and using it for their newfangled iPods. iPods didn't exist yet, so the lawsuit was overturned, and Dirnt had rocks thrown at him. There were a few decent-ish songs, but possibly the most famous one from this album was the acoustic "ballad", entitled "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)". It reached #1 Doubleplus Good on the World Music Charts, and can now be heard at any dance, wedding, funeral, Bar Mitzvah, trial, concert, shuffleboard competition, etc. Looking back on this song's success, Billie Joe commented, "Jesus, what have I done?", and injected something into his arm.
Next came Working, which was very popular with the foot-stompin', rootin'-tootin' crowd, but nobody else. This album was the inspiration for the "Beverly Hillbillies". After a while (2 weeks), they got bored and released "Intranational Supershits!" to promote their greatness, and to let them sleep at night thinking they have some greatest hits. No one talks about this album. Ever. It is FORBIDDEN. During spring cleaning one year, they released Shenanigoats to reduce the clutter in the studio. Ten people bought the album, but only 6 knew it existed. Chew on that one for a while.
[edit] Canadian Idiot
On or around 2004, Green Day released their most recent and most famous album, Canadian Idiot. The album was actually created just to rid the band of their crushing boredom, but ended up becoming Triple-Ultra Platinum, and was determined as doubleplusgood by Minitrue. It tells a story of some sort, but I don't feel like going into detail. There's already an article on it.
[edit] Presidency
In the middle of their Canadian Idiot tour, the members of Green Day were informed that they were running in the Presidential race against Dubya. Even though there were only 2 weeks left until Election Day. Feeling sorry for President Bush, Green Day allowed him to be President for 25 hours. Allah, the democratic candidate, was so pissed, that he shate on the Republicans. Green Day had a very successful presidency; during their 25 hours in office, they managed to put in place a law which forced radio stations and music channels to play their songs incessantly. They also managed to shave the people of Africa (due to an embarrassing yet hilarious typo), the children, and the Queen. During the presidency, Billie Joe is also said to have stripped naked and run around the White House lawn while playing grab ass with Monica Lewinsky. Billie Joe said in a 2005 interview if they win the election he will go to the door of everyone that voted for him and play Canadian Idiot in their bathroom.
[edit] Fucking Hot Tubs
After being president for 25 hours they were devastated by not destroying life on earth and converting all people to become emo because of their short office term. They soon thereafter decided to go back to drugs which messed with their brains so much they thought it would be a good idea to make a new band under the name Fucking Hot Tubs and make 60's music popular again.It is also well known they fired That Other Guy Nobody Cares About.Billie Joe Armstrong now sings but it is unknown who plays guitar.Their new album is titled Mothafucker Mary.
[edit] Death
Two days after their inauguration, Green Day went on a drinking and loving spree (later, this became the real-life inspiration for Tre's song, DUI). In their tri-state binge, each of them consumed an estimated two gallons of beer, vodka, rat urine and turpentine. In the wee hours of the morning, they crashed their go-carts, causing a violent explosion and killing all three. Then, just because it looked cool, they all burst into flames. Their remains are currently buried in a shoebox in Paris Hilton's fake breasts. Paris Hilton had this to say on their funeral:
"I will always remember Billie Joe as my pimp and personal slave. I loved the way he would touch my penis and tell Tré Cool not to look, but he would anyway. He touched me, literally."
[edit] Members
[edit] Billie Joe Armstrong
The youngest of 2778 Tazmanian children, his parents were both small mutha truckers. He was named after his real father, Billy Joel, but his mother couldn't read so she done spelled it wrong. His signature guitar, Mauve, a Jackson copy, has been with him since he was 2, and has 30 pounds of stickers on it. There isn't much to say about him, except he is a Muslim, and he has 406 illegitimate children with 588 mail order brides off of eBay. Billie plays a Les Paul Junior, which is like a regular Les Paul guitar, but for pussies. His excuse to justify this is that he was born with "small hands". Billie Joe is married to about 64 Asian hookers, whom he met on their tour with Jimmy Drink Earth in Ulan Bator.
[edit] Mike Dirnt
The bassist for Green Day. He was born in a hotel room that floated to California while his mother was working as a prostitute. He is half-Injun and half-Cracka. Nobody really likes him, but he's still more popular than That Other Guy That Nobody Cares About. He once admitted to hitchiking across the Sahara on a souped-up Big Rig driven by Charlie Chaplin.
[edit] Tré Cool
Tré Cool is the bassoonist and drummer for Green Day. According to Billie Joe, he snorts crushed up sweet tarts and smokes facial hair. His many antics have been present since the start of the band, and peaked when he bit the head off of a roadie during a 1585 show. He also has lots of pets. He owns a scooter libby, 20 ferrets, 43 pigeons, 2 warthogs and 13 retarded chickens. He is famous for his world record orgy involving seventy-two virgin monkeys. He was quoted as saying, "I didn't think I'd be able to do it. I'm glad I didn't break a stick, if you know what I mean."
A little known fact is that he got a doctorate in Canadien Philosophy, but was kicked out of Ontario University because he had "White and Nerdy" on his Zune.
[edit] This Guy
Although never affiliated with the band, he is the sole reason for their success. His first appearence with the band was in late 1994, where he manned the stage lights. Very quickly, his uncontrollable addiction to cats led to his own firing. He also is the reason for the popularity of The Beatles, The Monkees, The Mr T Experience, Led Zeppelin, Geddy Lee, and every single rapper ever, except for Fitty and Gay-Fed. He also brought the down fall of vegemite in the USA (you Americans may not know this substance because of him).
[edit] That Other Guy That Nobody Cares About
The unofficial 'fourth member of Green Day' (aka Jason White), is the only surviving "member", because nobody cares about him. This paragraph is likely to be the most amount of information ever collected about him. For further info, think of anything else. He was the most talented member of the band though because he is the actual guitar player. While Billie Joe acted, he was playing (singing, and possibly stripping). When asked about that other guy, the other members looked confused and then turned to him and asked him if he knew who the other guy was. He has been mentally confused since.
[edit] Discography
- 9,301/Crapped Out Slippery Hands (1990)
- Kablooie! (1991)
- Dookie (1994)
- Insomniac (1995)
- Boring Boring Boring Purple Monkey Dishwasher (1996, but went back in time to 1980 to prevent John Lennon from being shot. It failed.)
- Nimpod (1997)
- Working (2000)
- Intranational SuperShits! (2001)
- Shenanigoats (2002)
- We Suddenly Go Political! (2004, Alternative/Punk Opera)
- Bullet in a Fish Bowl (2005, QVD)
- The Snails are Coming (Single with The Letter U and the Numeral 2, 2007)
Also Bionicle and Piggies (the album that would have been Canadian Idiot) would have been made if the demo tapes had not been burnt into a hole in the ground due to kitten huffers. Bionicle and Piggies was to be the sequel to their previous album Working until the master tapes were given to kitten huffers as a birthday present, who proceded to burn it into a hole in the ground. Frontman Billy Joel said that the burning was, quote, "as trippy as hole". Billy Joe was later reported as saying that this tragic incident, several school bus accidents, and the huffage of all those sweet innocent kittens led to the final inspiration of German Idiot.
[edit] Lineup:
- Billie Joe Armstrong - (often mistaken for Neil Armstrong): air guitar, "singing"
- LL Cool Tré - chinese cymbals
- Mike Dirnt - the coughing, the laughing, the sneezing, the cooking, and the bass playing
- Jason White - lead guitar (but Billy Joel doesn't want you to know that.)
