Billy Ray Cyrus
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βThey have some real hard words at the Districts in the Grade Two level...β
~ Billy Ray Cyrus on Spelling Bees
βI've NEVER met this guy before in my lifeβ
~ David Hasselhoff on Billy Ray Cyrus
Billy Ray Cyrus (1961 - 1963) is an American-born newscaster, NASCAR driver, Level 17 Assassin, log truck driver, child molestor, spelling bee champion and architect, but is known mostly for his acid-rock style of music. He recorded over one bazillion songs in his varied music career, and instantly became an icon for teenagers and old people everywhere. He had a great success with his Euro-Pop single, Achey-Breaky Heart, which was later covered by the Archies in 2007.
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[edit] The Younger Years
During the first few years of his life, Billy Ray Cyrus, father of the now hated singer Miley Cyrus, started off as a midday reporter for undisputedly-always-correct-no-matter-what-we-say Fox News Network, where he assisted in releasing Fox's famous Columbine shoe report, or Karr's nose scratch in the Ramsey trial. Billy Ray Cyrus also reportedly had gotten an interview with David Hasselhoff,
[edit] Growing Up
Billy Ray's next endeavour proved to be a challenging one: He wanted to haul trees.
So, he signed up for a job at the local sawmill where his brother Marky worked, and sure enough was haulin' logs the very next week. Nothing exciting happened during the two weeks that Billy Ray drove log-truck, so he decided it may be time for another career change.
After finding out that becoming a Level 17 Assassin on that online game that all the n00bs play was, in fact, NOT a real job, Billy Ray Cyrus became depressed, and developed a major kitten huffing problem. Seventeen years later, at the tender age of 19, Billy Ray finally checked into rehab at the Los Angeles Concept House. It was here that he finally yelled his kitten huffing problem away, and started living his life again. During his stay in rehab, he developed drawings which would eventually become the basis for landmarks such as The Leaning Tower of Pisa, the Statue of Liberty, and the Arctic Circle, although history shows that he still remains uncredited for any of these sketches.
[edit] NASCAR and Billy Ray
Following in the steps of his successor at Fox News, Ron Burgundy, Billy Ray Cyrus wanted to impersonate Will Ferrell, so he bought a car. With a little help from his brother Marky (i.e. using absinthe as fuel), Billy Ray quickly moved up the ranks of the NASCAR circuit under the pseudonym Ricky Bobby. After a varied career, including many wins, losses, seeing a girl's boobs, and getting enough EXP to finally get to level 18, he eventually retired at the age of 40.
[edit] The Music Industry
βDon't huff my kitten; my achey-breaky kitten; I just don't think it's orange enough.β
~ Billy Ray Cyrus on Kitten Huffing
Billy Ray Cyrus, along with lifelong friend Michael Jackson Billy Ray's brother Marky, and lacklustre studio drummer Dave Grohl, went on to form the greatest Acid-Rock/Euro-Pop band of all time, Iron Maiden. Under Billy Ray's new label NASCAR (New And Super Cool Audio Records), they recorded their hit singles Achey-Breaky Heart, You Shook Me All Night Long, and that ringtone on your mom's PDA that everyone hates. Iron Maiden soon found itself in a power struggle, and eventually this struggle ended after Dave Grohl fired Billy Ray and Marky over "creative differences." That's what you get for having a drummer that thinks he's got something to prove.
[edit] Recent years
Billy Ray Cyrus have been having sex with his young teenage daughter, miley cyrus and now expecting a lesbian child. He still has problem trying to find a name for his upcoming whore child. Sir Billy quote:
"Dang! I don't know man, while having sex with miley, she said, Dad your cock is big, Make it bigger and open my vagina and she said, Wait! I know what to call our baby, WHOREy. Please dad? And then I said, Stop talking and more fucking"!"
And thus the newborn baby name remains a mystery to mitchel musso, ex-boyfriend or miley cyrus.
[edit] True Identity
After much speculation as to the lyrical content the hit song "Achy Breaky Heart", Billy Ray Cyrus announced to the world that he is, indeed, Captain Planet. "The song was about keeping the secret of my love affair with Ma-Ti's pet monkey. After not returning any of his calls, the monkey threatened to tell Ma-Ti of our relationship and I simply said, "Don't tell my Heart. This rest was history," said Cyrus. Also, he still has trouble spelling words with more than two syllables.
[edit] See Also
- Hannah Montana (Is that right?)
