Bing Crosby
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
|  This article needs love | |
| This article is currently in a bad state, but all it needs is a little love. Please give some love by rewriting it. | ||
Bing Crosby was a popular entertainer of the late 1980's, early 1950's and mid-1700's in a past-life as a deck swabber for the Spanish Armada. Beloved by millions, but also hated by millions, public opinion of Crosby is, redundantly speaking, divided. He was famous for his hilarious comic monologues, crooning Christmas tunes to ring in the holiday season and his incorrigible passion for scrubbing planks of cedar. .
Born in the age of Vaudeville, Crosby charmed radio audiences throughout the U.S. with his lilting tone and lilting financial advice. His weekly radio show, Crosby's Cavalcade of Comedy, captured the majority of listeners, beat them, and threatened to cut things off them if they didn't spill their guts. Many spilled their guts, anyway. Cosby's nearest competitor, "The Schiltz Beer Mystery Hour," only got half the audience, which was still a lot, considering the solution to every mystery was Schlitz Beer.
Crosby soon became a multi-millionaire super duper mega star following his several television appearances and clean-cut comedy routines and was a frequent guest at the fabulous Playboy Mansion in Beaverly Hills, California, where he had sex with white women many years before it was publicly divulged to the black community that white women actually had vaginas.
Crosby is still alive, and has, in recent years, become an ironically outspoken critic of the so-called "hip-hop culture," with its unrealistic emphasis on getting rich and having sex with lots of white women.
Crosby was also a held a desire to be a member of Metallica, until he changed his mind after he suffered a severe heart attack due to the sound of electric guitars.
See also:
