Bipolar disorder
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[edit] Bipolar disorder's duplicitous origins
Bipolar disorder, also known as 'happy happy-not not' disease, is A psychosomatic CONDITION developed IN THE LATE 1970'S (Not to be confused with Manic Depression which is an Impact Crater caused by maniacally JUMPING out of airplanes AT 20,000 FEET!!!).
[edit] Historical progression
Prior to 1970 sufferers of this illness were locked away in artist lofts and poets' corners and kept away from the general public. It wasn't until the 21st century that the thinking changed regarding this mysterious malady. In May of 2005 renowned scientist Dr. Tom Cruise made the earthshattering announcement before a stunned Harvard School of Psychological Sciences that Bipolar disorder is "all in your head".
[edit] Causes and treatment
Scientists once believed that bipolar disorder was caused by a combination of parental and environmental factors. Most commonly the onset of this disorder would be linked to a fat, poorly dressed mother who forced her family to act normal when daddy came home drunk and used a shotgun to rid the dining room of it's cockroach problem. This stressful environment would then cause Junior to become the school bully and later in life, the chatroom troll. Modern science has since come to realize that children should be seen and not heard, and simply lock up the troublemakers in military school or detention centers.
As a result, President Bush has added Bipolar disorder to the list of psychosomatic illnesses no longer covered by Medicaid. According to White House spokesman Bill O'Reilly, "Yay! More money for the war chest."
[edit] Symptoms
Bipolar disorder manifests itself in numerous ways, most notably:
Depression: Tailgating interstate drivers who dare to drive only 85 mph; loss of interest in drugs and alcohol; difficulty oversleeping; inability to wait in long lines at the DMV.
Mania: Capable of infinite Uncylopedia one-liner entries due to decreased need for sleep; increased chatroom spamming and flooding; increased goal-directed activity such as prank phone calls and bathroom graffitti.
Fits of uncontrollable laughter followed by sobbing: This tends to happen wh-wh-whhhaaaahhahahahahahahaahahahahahahah omg omg omg *sob* I hate my life!! Aaaahhhhh *sob* *sob* whatamIcryingabout hahahahahahaah!
[edit] Treatment
Although this "illness" was once treated with lithium and vodka, this is deemed no longer necessary due to exhaustive scientific experimentation and research on the part of Dr. Tom Cruise and his assistent, Emperor of the Universe.
[edit] Comment
... Schwiiing... !!!!
[edit] Notable bipolar sufferers
Simon Cummins user chip-3door, now made famous by his irrational and uncontrollable outbursts in the pursuit of attention on internet forums such as passionford is a well known sufferer of this and many other mental illnesses and yet still manages to lead a seemingly normal existence away from the internet.
"im only bi on the net" he is often heard to say, although it would appear this is more of a reference to his sexuality than to his mental disorder, of which he himself seems largely unaware.
The Arctic Tern which annually migrates from the North Pole to the South and back again every year. When in manic mode, it flies from summer to summer. When depressed, it flies from winter to winter with a stop for cyanide nodules at the Galapagos Islands.
Admiral Richard Byrd was definitely bipolar.
Simon Johnson was also bipolar he claims but he is also a compulsive liar.
