Birthday
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“I can't believe i'm paying for sex on my birthday!”
~ Wilde on Birthdays
“muva munns moov muuvah”
~ 50 cent on birthdays
A birthday is the day of the year that someone turns a year older. Although looked forward to by children and teenagers, most adults generally fear birthdays, as it is the one day of the year they are force to be self conscious of their age. This hatred of birthdays continues until the birthday boy or girl is just happy to have spent another year on earth. The idea of birthdays came from Ancient Egypt. First the Pharaoh had one, and then everyone had to have one. As your mother would say, "blah, blah, blah, birthday, etc..."
The apparent purpose of the birthday is to make other people give you stuff. Often, this is stuff that you don't even want.
The normal time for a birthday to occur is within a year after the birth of a person. Some selfish people continue to hold birthday celebrations year after year. By convention, a persons' 36th birthday is not celebrated.
The typical way of celebrating a birthday is by holding a "Birthday Party." The birthday party is a favorite of spoiled children and spoiled adults, as it allows them to exclude others.
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[edit] Typical Birthday Party
- Go to the party.
- Tell the person they look ten years older.
- Devour cake, leaving none for 'birthday boy/girl'
- Take presents for yourself
- *Optional* Leave
[edit] The Birthday Conspiracy
The Birthday Conspiracy is a subversive attempt by Hallmark, the Knights Templar, and Rob Reiner to continuously drain the world population of its ready cash in order to financially support their combined hidden agenda of taking over the world in time for Midsummer tea on Eventide, (or Maundy Thursday, whichever comes first).
By promulgating the giving of gifts, the throwing of parties, and of course, the sending of greeting cards, they guarantee a steady stream of revenue into their bottomless couffers. Not to mention all the wrapping paper and torn envelopes that are consumed and discarded. Whole armies of the faithful are employed in the manufacture and distribution of these hideous items, all in the name of vainity for the useless celebration of the anniversary of ones meager existence. Baaah-HumBug.
[edit] Best Thing to do on Someone's Birthday
Ask whether they are enjoying the day [25] years after being removed from their mother's birth canal.
The best thing for you to do on someone's birthday is to walk up to them calmly and tell them that this is no longer their birthday, this is "Proof your parents had sex" day. Then run.
A person whose birthday it is really shouldn't get all the presents. "Oh yeah, well done for being born, I'm sure you put quite the effort in. Jolly good show, yes because you are the person who pushed someone through your vagina."
Sing happy birthday song
