Biscuits
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“Biscuits are so great, you won't even notice a grue eating you if you eat one!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Biscuits
Big-Ass Biscuits
Biscuits are a modest bread item developed by NASA in 1989 to serve as a heat shield for the Space Shuttle, for safe entry into the Earth's atmosphere after space missions. The Biscuit was created by Dr. Elwood Blues, famous bluesman, and NASA scientist. After the creation of the Biscuit, Dr. Blues was quoted as saying:
"Ummm... the other day I had a ricochet biscuit. A ricochet biscuit is the kind of a biscuit that's supposed to bounce back off the wall into your mouth. And coincidentally, it's flame retardent.
Bow bow bow..."
After one mission with biscuits attached to the fuselage of the the Space Shuttle, it was deemed that Biscuits were indeed a great heat shield. However, it was found that Biscuits are edible, and ridiculously tasty with various substances, such as:
- Gravy and Sausage
- Grape Jelly
- Mustard
- Honey
- Soylent Green
Currently Biscuits are under further research, and it has been found that Biscuits make great flotation devices, and the technology is being leased to ocean shipping companies as cheap, but effective lifeboat material.
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[edit] International Biscuits
They're not called cookies anymore they're called biscuts say it with me, Biiiiscuuuuts. In Britain, biscuits are the equvalent of American cookies; however, they have wacky flavors. Instead of chocolate and sugar, they have flavours such as digestive. One can only presume that they are flavoured like various gastric juice/enzyme combinations present in the stomach and small intestine. While the chymotrypsin/enterokinase combination is quite delectable, beware the Bile/Hydrochloric/Pancreatic Amylase combination.
[edit] Air Biscuits
Contrary to the name, air biscuits are not a light and fluffy food, but something that is the result of of eating hard boiled eggs and drinking Rolling Rock beer the night before. If someone says that they are whipping up some air biscuits for you, run like Hell and don't look back.
[edit] Fun Facts
It is believed that buttermilk biscuits may have been developed during an unfortunate accident involving tequila, Bob Barker and the evil dragondonuts queen, Tiamat, also known as Johnny Cage. The butter part of the equation still remains a mystery.
