Bitzy

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A confused Bitzy.

A Bitzy is a specific type, or in the figurative sense, genre, of humanoid horse. They generally look extremely similar to a standard human, but can be identified by noting a number of telltale characteristics, as detailed below. It should be noted that Bitzys are typically peaceful and safe to approach, so they should be left exempt from any list of dangerous subhumans, such as zombies.

[edit] Identifying Characteristics

Bitzys have a number of common characteristics which can be used to differentiate them from non-equine humans.

Extremely long hair

A propensity for playing World of Warcraft obsessively.

Smelling better than Watsons but worse than the general population.

Being accused of bestiality.

Arguing too much

Devouring babies

Spouting his "L337 Skillz"

Feasting on the mysterious creature called, "Watson" or "Wadzow"

While these cannot conclusively confirm or deny the presence of a Bitzy, hopefully they will serve as useful pointers that might eventually lead to more accurate testing methods.

[edit] General Behavior

As noted above, Bitzys tend to play WoW for extended periods of time. This inevitably leads to a number of other habits, such as the fierce protection of their hair against shortening (as it is used as a last ditch anonymity measure on the Internet), and the urge to live with similarly unkempt roommates. They also have a tendency to tie up others, and involve themselves, in bondage, and other kinky activities.

[edit] Danger Avoidance

In the unlikely event that a Bitzy should ever become violent, one should follow these steps:

Open your coat wide, in order to increase the size of your profile and intimidate the Bitzy.

Declare yourself a moderator of WoW.

If near a stable, back away slowly; the Bitzy may become territorial when near females.

In the event you are forced to fight one one strategy is staining his jacket causing him to break down in tears over it's loss allowing you to sneak away. Another strategy is to cut his hair, we believe this to be the source of it's power, however little it may have. The last strategy is to toss a "porn" magazine towards it and wait for it to engage itself with the magazine while you sneak away, although Bitzy sperm is considered very valuable in many countries that do not have a wild Bitzy, such as Germany, France, The Moon, and the planet of Krypton.

[edit] Mating Behavior

If by some chance you think a Bitzy may be trying to mate with another Bitzy, or a human, look out for these tell-tale signs:

He cleans his hair and licks himself

Around the female of his desire he breathes heavily and makes heaving noises and pelvic thrusts

Tramples other males of any species

Temporarily loses his Squirrel Deck (of course this is only temporary considering he possesses a telepathic link with it)

Plays WoW less

Eats less hay, oats, and pocky

When makes a mistake around the girl cuts self in private and covers the marks with cover-up