Black (Video Game)
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Black is a first-person bullet wasting simulator developed by EA Games and Criterion after the success of the fantastic Burnout series of games. Much like Burnout, Black contains a deep gameplay mechanic, excellent Artificial Intelligence and likeable characters involved in realistic situations.
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[edit] Gameplay
The gameplay involved holding down the trigger of a weapon for ages before realising that you're not shooting at anything. This becomes very repetetive very quickly. I suggest that if you like depth in your games (huh! Final Fantasy fans) you not buy this.
[edit] AI
The AI (Artificial Intelligence) offered in Black is state-of-the-art. There are many examples of the excrutiatingly clever intelligence offered in the video game. For instance, in one scene, your character (whose name is never given in full) throws a grenade towards the top of the stairs. A few terrorists are running down the stairs at this time, however, instead of continuing their safe downward journey, they turn around, running towards the grenade and blow themselves up. In another scene, a terrorist fires his RPG at the wall opposite him, blowing him to peices. Also, they throw grenades at their feet and when they use sniper rifles, they miss you just over and over and over. EA Games has commented how pleased they are with their AI in this game. "Just like real life," said an official press release. "We're so damn proud of ourselves."
[edit] Exaltation of Violence
Black has "tried to get children into the habit of killing each and every terrorist out there" says Tom Clancy, pro-American writer and owner of a hugely succesful license for games like Splinter Cell and children's shows like Kim Possible. "The amount of ways you can murder is quite extensive, unlike my games were you need to sneak up behind the enemy. Seriously, if I had to purchase either Black or Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter, I would buy Crazy Frog Racer."
The Pope has also commented on the violence. "Any attempt to produce movies or media (including interactive video and computer games) which in the name of entertainment exalt violence or sexuality is perversion and blasphemy," he announced shortly after the game's release. So, when your hanging around with the Pope it's probably not a good idea to play Black. In the meantime, you'll probably need to empty your bedroom of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles action figures, porno, Grand Theft Auto games and Looney Tunes cartoons DVDs lest the Pope call you a pervert and a blasphermer, you blasphemous pervert.
[edit] Story
The story of black is deep and compelling. You start off playing as J. Kellar, a poorly disciplined Black Ops guy who must infiltrate a mysterious terrorist camp known as Seventh Wave. Seventh Wave is actually a human slave labour camp, though no body thought so. Kellar destroys all of Seventh Wave except for William Lennox, an American soldier who headed the Seventh Wave group. Kellar makes it his mission to destroy Lennox, and eh begins a chase which ends up threatening the whole world.
Also, it should be noted that there are no black people in the game. At all. It sucks, doesn't it?
[edit] Side Facts
- Everyone in the game has a hat.
- Everyone in the game has a gun, or failing that, a banana which they use as a gun.
- Everyone in the game is gay.
- Oh, right, except Kellar.
- He might be gay too.
[edit] Trivia
- Below is the redesigned Black cover art, which accurately describes the game.
- Black has no Black people in it, in contrast with the PlayStation's #1 game Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.
- Tom Clancy also hates all mexicans, as seen in his Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter Games.
- Bananas are an excellent source of potassium.
- All children want to play Black, but they don't want to be Black. In fact, some want to be white.
[edit] Sequel?
A sequel for the game, White, was planned for the Xbox 360 due to the machine's white colour, but then Microsoft recoloured it black. The sequel then moved on for the PS3, but then the PS3 changed to black as well. Criterion is very apologetic that they wasted their technology on the two earlier consoles, the PlayStation 2 and the Xbox. Needless to say, they are very mad at EA for disapproving of their ideas. "EA has fucked us over," Criterion's CEO announced. "Not just with Burnout, but now with Black. And for The Simpsons Game, they didn't include us in the parodies of games! Who the hell are you screwing with, EA? It's like your doing our girlfriends - and making us watch." As a last note, the CEO added, "Go fuck yourselves."
