Blake's Seven

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Roj Blake, pictured minutes before his tragic death at the hands of a serial-killing portrait painter

Blake's Seven, , is a mathematical constant, first defined by Swedish mathematician Roj Blake, son of British Romanticist poet and author William Blake. Numerically it is slightly less than 7. It was originally referred to as "the holy seven" by Blake, but his rivals, such as Gauss, referred to it disdainfully as "Blake's" and the name stuck.

[edit] History

Blake, being not very smart, needed a large group of aides to help him research. For some reason he chose to exclusively recruit from gulags, which mightn't have been a bright idea. His assembled team included Vila Restal, a Kazakhstani chimney sweep; Olagsandrovic Gan, a Latvian gigantism sufferer; Brett Cally, a washed-up alcoholic weatherman from Denmark; Dev Tarrant, one of the many evil albino priests that infests Europe; and Jenna Stannes, who was the token "hot chick".

Something that marked the experiments was the unusual amount of deaths for pure mathematics. Partly this may be due to Blake unwittingly lodging a homeless man answering to the name of "Avon" (a name he took from a discarded shampoo bottle) who was psychopathic, schizophrenic, and inorgasmic. In spite of this, the first casualty of Blake's experiments was Gan, who inadvertently stabbed himself in the eye with a pencil. This suggests that the problem was simply the fact that Blake and his crew were morons.

The experiment was set up without the genetive apostrophe, and the characters spent much time looking for it. At first they thought it might be on a planet called Star One, but they only found a few aliens. They then ended up on Gauda Prime, where what they found was a full stop.

Reputably, their regular Friday night Scrabble games were "a hoot".

[edit] Definition

It is defined as the number exactly equal to the geometric mean of

• the number of days of the week,
• the number of Deadly Sins,
• the number of Godly Virtues,
• the lucky number,
• the number of seas of Rhye,
• the number of shades of Shit,
• the number of Living Shades,
• the number of colours in the rainbow,
• the number of Wonders of the Ancient World,
• the number of levels of Hell in Dante's Inferno,
• the number of Dwarves in Snow White and the N Dwarves,
• the number of Ages of Man,
• the number of Samurai in the film The N Samurai,
• the number of Magnificents in The Magnificent N,
• the number of Sisters,
• the number of sides on a twenty-pence piece (UK),

The result of is almost, but not quite, 7 and is defined by Euclid as the number of eyes on a pirate spider. The discrepancy is thought to lie in either a fundamental asymmetry in the structure of the cosmos, or a rounding error in any one of the sixteen fundamental constants being averaged over.

Aside from being the true number of dimensions in the universe, it has no practical significance.

[edit] Sources

The late 70's attempt by comedian Terry Nation to create a porn flick with a BBC budget. Unfortunately Nation hadn't quite grasped that porn movies were meant to have bad dialogue and lots of shagging instead of the other way around, thus making Blake's Seven the most unsuccessful porn movie in history.

Nevertheless, it has gained a cult gay following in its tender exploration of a computer technician's grudging, manly love for his burly rebel.CategoryBritish