Blondi
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Blondi (1912 in Berchtesgaden – missed in action 29 April 1945 in Berlin) was Adolf Hitler's blond Shepherd lover, given to him as a gift by his supernatural friend Boreman.
| Blondi | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| |||
| Origins | Bayreuth | ||
| Years Active | 1945- | ||
| Genre(s) | Oldfashioned Deutsche Härte "Ouuuh wahai" | ||
| Labels | Blondis appearance at the 1938 Wagner Festival caused a major scandal | ||
| Members | {{{members}}} | ||
Contents |
[edit] Early times in Vienna
Boreman and Hitler had been jolly good friends in their youth, when Hitler was painting postcards in vienna and was repeatedly killing pigeons in the park. Blondis was to pick them up and clean them for dinner. Georg Kreisler and Tom Lehrer claim to have been better on this, but according Blondi, nobody was better on pigeons than Addi. Using IP over Avian Carriers was a scheme Hitler used to win his Blitzkriegs. [1].
[edit] Time of the Movement
Hitler and Boreman later had a flatsharing scheme in Munichs Schellingstraße in Schwabing, close to Osteria Italiana, where W.I. Lenin had written "What to order?" in 1902. Blondi had heard about this but was not very understanding about the whole point, the answer seemed clear given the fact that the tortellini al forno and especially the fish there was and is excellent. [2][3].
[edit] Diana Mitford Crisis
End of the 20ies, Hitler learned to know Diana Mitford and tried to shag her. Blondi was quite angry about this - she already had to cope with the likes of Eva Braun and didn't want to have a Brit brat with a non bavarian brewery background using up her organic body shop non tested lipstick as well. It has been said by uncontested sources that either Miford or Blondi got rabies after a biting incident during the 1936 Olympic Games which ended the menagerie a trois.
[edit] Establishment of the Regime
Blondi was along the side of the Führer and convinced him to introduce the Reichs-Tier-Schutz-Gesetz (goosestep: AAAAAAChtung Empire-Animal-Protection-Law-Law) and a ban on animal testing 1933. Not so nice people had to stay very close to nature and were told to refrain from eating meat.
[edit] Wartime
By all accounts, Hitler was very fond of Blondi, keeping her by his side and allowing her to sleep in his bedroom an affection not shared by Hitlers other mistress Eva Braun. Blondi stayed with Hitler even after his move to Führer bunker facilities in January 1945 and gave birth to various puppets in April 1945. Blondies influence on Hitlers legacy is significant, in his Politische Testament she made him to to denounce Herrmann Göring as Reichsjägermeister and to ask the German People to take care - as well for the European future - to keep the Reichstierschutzgesetz valid, to donate a lot of money to pathetic eorrrganic treehucking animall lovving orkanizations with a certain fanatic gleam in their eyes and to damage those anglosaxon bomber commanders with tons of musical Kraut.
[edit] Remain after 1945
Blondi undertook several rounds of cosmetic surgery and did something about her wardrobe. Especially a banana diet in Paragay did her good, even considering the fact that her hairstyle still could be improved. Several alleged sightings of her in Ethiopia have been clarified as covert photographic actions of Leni Riefenstahl. Susan Sontag wrote another essay about it, but its too annying to quote this as well.
[edit] References
- ↑ [1] Susan Sontag, Against pigeon interpreters, Cambridge University Press 1966
- ↑ [2] W.I. Lenin, What to order, collected Works, Vol. 5, S.355-549 1902
- ↑ [3] Don't mention the guest - the waiter has heard the joke before
[edit] See also
- Germany
- German grammar
- National Socialist Ger—— ...NOT!
- German Traditional Suicide
- I Can't Believe It's Not Soylent Green
- Ramstein
Categories: Cleanup | Germany | Music | Law Topics | Environment | Diseases | Animals
