Blood elf
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“I...tap...your...MANA! I tap it up!”
~ Daniel Day-Lewis on his Oscar winning role as Kael'thas
Fucking wannabes, Blood Elves are a relatively new race in the worlds of computer games. They are led by the King Pansy himself, High Lord Orlando Bloom. Originally added to the best-selling World Of Warcraft they have also made inroads into Quake and Syringe Love. Since they ran out of mana and had to scour the realms in search of it they have been persuaded to enter into talks with numerous games companies who might be able to feed their addiction.
Mana is a highly addictive substance with effects similar to that of Gasoline, Heroine, and Acid. It was previously widely available in the Blood Elf home noob lands, but they squandered it on trivial things like getting brooms to sweep the same place for eternity. Circuses with clowns and lions also took large amounts of mana to maintain, although nobody knows why.
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[edit] History
The Blood Elves had a plentiful supply of mana to feed their addiction until this douche of a dead guy tore down their beautiful city made of white porcelain, puppy tears, and the blood of virgins. This event caused the Blood Elves to go in search of mana, and in doing so were exposed to the outside world... the World Of Warcraft.
They soon lost any interest in mana, as they were now playing the game 23.79 hours a day (source: National Drug and Internet Prevention Guild) They soon demanded that Blizzard allow place them in the game. Blizzard, who wasn't happy with the 142 brazillion dolbumbaklotlars a month they were already making off the game, decided that they could make a shit load of money if they charged everyone $40 for a new patch game that should have been given out free. When they finally got off their asses and made the new patch game, all the Blood Elves, who had previously played Alliance Night Elves, migrated to the Horde. This lead to an influx in noobs and noob behaviour, as well as people whoring themselves out. It also lead to some racial motivated jokes geared primarily towards the Tauren and Undead. Such as...
"Great were allied the Tauren now, that means we will be having steak twice a week!" or "Blood Elves WTFPWN chuck norris
BLOOD ELVES PWNZERAGE U"
[edit] Infringement Issues
When the new patch released, Bob Saget sued Blizzard for copying the name of his porno, The Fire Crotch Crusade. Blizzard told Bob Saget that, "he was an ass and should go stone himself with burning horse cock." Saget replied to them, using a crappy comeback, "i pwnd ur mom wit chuk noras stfu!!!!!1111one"
A rally to remove the blood elves, or at least have their models changed, from World of Warcraft was led by the Anerexic Leaders of Loyal Uruguay Recon Black Anti Snow lEmons (ALLURBASE). The protestors stated, "Blood elves mock our way of life. Too long has the media poked fun at us. We can't change who we are!" Blizzard's only response was, "How about we buy you lunch?"
More and more homosexually-orientated individuals have started playing World of Warcraft since the blood elves have joined. If you are confused by this, look at the blood elf cities. well blood elf females tend to be look like sluts with gear from Hellfire Peninsula at lvl 58-65.
[edit] Changes in Beta
On their initial release into the Burning Crusade beta, some players complained that for a race of junkies who never do any heavy work, the blood elves are way too skinny, being only slightly more muscular than your average, healthy human and worse, look like they might be gay (i.e. they wash). Blizzard immediately jumped into action and confirmed that the blood elves are indeed a race of gay elves (is there any other type of elf?). This led to complaints that gay men should have bigger muscles which Blizzard obligingly gave them. Arnold Schwarzenegger is reportedly suing for defamation.
[edit] Shemale Blood elves
Blood elves only come in one gender, though some seem less curvy than others. Those of other races who try to seduce one mistaking it for a member of their preferred gender are often traumatised on discovering the mass of sharp tentacles that inhabit a Blood Elf's pants. Not to mention the fact that Blood elves desperately want an arcane coloured condom, their only dream come true. Well, apart from the one with the walruses anyway.
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