Blowjob
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“Why on earth would I want to put my dick in an area full of teeth?!”
~ Oscar Wilde on being offered a blowjob.
Early man was plagued with chronic shortness of air from having to yell at his woman everyday after a hard day of working. Prior to the invention of the blowjob, it was quite common for men to randomly drop dead from constantly yelling at his bitch about why the dinner was not ready or why she spent $250 on some shit she does not need. However, in 1929, a woman by the name of Pamela Anderson devised a way to reinflate the man. This process required the women to use the airtube located in the man's pelvic region that when blown into would replace the air the man lost putting the bitch in her place. This airtube, or "penis-dick," was once thought to be on a man's body for reinflation, however thanks to the modern science of masturbation, it has been discovered that most of a man's brain is located in the penis.
[edit] Historical Roots
Although blowjobs were not popularized until 1929, there have been historical drawings located in caves in San Francisco indicating that blowjobs have been around for several million years. These early drawings show two men exerting themselves and becoming exhausted. To combat the exhaustion, they would provide each other with fresh air using the tube located on the other male. However, because the only thing straight people want from queers is interior decorating advice, this process failed to catch on in mainstream society.
As you can see above, a load of unfinished code was left behind by a user receiving a blowjob. As the entire male brain is located in the penis, it is thought that the user encountered "penisbittenoffasphalaxia" when the bitch decided to bite..
[edit] Early Developments
With the invention of pregnancy in 1945, women bitches hos quickly realized that there could be other uses for blowjobs. Additionally, following the explosion in upscale clothing that only made women's asses look fatter, they found that simply reinflating the man after an expensive shopping spree was no longer sufficient. Early pioneers in the field of women's Bitches' rights such as Hillary Clinton and Monica Lewinsky found that by pre-emptively inflating their man, they could do less blowing after upsetting their master.
[edit] Current Topics
As of March 14, 2018, blowjobs are now considered a vital part of the global economy. Without their widespread usage, it is predicted that consumer spending would drop by 1.9 trillion dollars a day as women buy less useless shit. To reward their significance to society, congress passed a law declaring March 14th as "National Blowjob Day" to mark the importance of this act.
In recent years a new trend has developed where women are tricking men into impregnating them by offering free blowjobs. The women who utilize this method refer to it as "sperm-jacking". The slut offers a jigalo a blowjob, steals his sperm orally, and then later administers it to herself via a turkey baster or other such device. The common practice is to then sue the man for child-support once the child is birthed.
[edit] War on Blowjobs
With the coronation of the God of Light, George Bush, a War on Blowjobs was declared. According to Dubya, "If that idiot I replaced could get head in this office, then why can't I?". Following his declaration of war, elite teams of Power Rangers were dispatched to eliminate the Gore twins and Paris Hilton. To date, over 0.5 women have been infected with a secret anti-blowjob virus. To counter the effects of this, Pfizer created Viagra to help lift the spirits of men everywhere.
Recently focus has switched to the usage and application of the blowjob science to animals in the hope that this could afford cheaper IVF treatment for women using a turkey basting implement for completion. The horses and pigs are said to be particularly happy.
[edit] See also
| Feminine Articles |
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| Articles About Feminine Issues |
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[edit] External Links
- ^ A non-explicit example of a blowjob.
- Young girls home alone that want to give you head
