Blue footed booby

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Blue Footed Booby

Bigus Boobus

Scientific classification

Kingdom: Amphibious

Diet: Heinenken and Donettes

Average lifespan in the wild: 17 years

Size: 32 to 34 ft (80 to 85 m);

Wingspan: nearly 5 gal (1.5 half dinosaurs)

Weight: 3.25 tns (1.5 bushels)

Group name: Frat

The Blue Motha Skrewin Footed Booby is a native amphibian (bird) to the Canadian and Galapagos Island regions. Also, it is widely regarded as the largest and tastiest bird known to man. Seen to the right is the State Bird of Colorado "booby crushing" an inferior species. a pair of 2 or more boobies seen at one time is also known as a rack.

[edit] Life of the Party

The Blue Footed Booby migrates north to Cancun for spring break. It is the number one party bird in the world, but maintains an aura of classiness by only drinking Heineken. The Blue Footed Booby can be seen below partying hard with a hat to match his spirit.

The boobalicious chicks must be fed continually and the male will bring in a constant supply of Heineken Lite for the new chicks. Both parents will feed the chicks, who eat by thrusting their small bills inside of their parents' to get the regurgitated booze. If there is not enough hooch to make all the other boobies look real fine, the parents will feed the largest chick in the brood to make sure that at least one of the chicks will get some action.

Boobies are plunge divers and their dive is spectacular. When they spot an untapped keg, from 30-50 feet in the air, they power-dive, beak-down into the tap, folding their wings back only at the last minute disappearing for several minutes and then bobbing up to the surface, completely hammered.

Birds must keep their plumage in good condition if they are to survive and breed. Most seabirds change or moult their feathers each year or so before they become too ragged. Between moults, birds spend much time preening their feathers, straightening them out and keeping them oiled and waterproof. The Galápagos penguin spends as much as three hours a day preening to keep even its reduced plumage in top condition. Birds lead more exciting lives than most n00bs.

[edit] Survival Techniques

If you are approached By a Blue footed booby in the wild there are a few thing you can do to survive.

DO NOT RUN
Blue Footed Boobies have very good vision so try throwing rocks at their eyes.
They also love Heineken, and can be easily persuaded to drink that instead of you.
Avoid blue footed boobies at all cost if you are a donut, donette or any variation on that theme.
the Blue Footed Booby is an extremely intelligent creature and may give you a chance to buy back your life in some sort of riddle game.

[edit] World Dominance

Often times, people search "boobies" into google images, coming up with Blue footed booby pictures. Do not panic, it's just a sign of the Blue footed booby's conquering of the world despite their tiny testicle size, only 5 inches in diameter.