Bluetooth
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“Official phone of the douchebag”
~ Bluetooth on their product
Bluetooth is a common disease caused by modern mobile phone use, most likely as a result of excessive levels of stray radiation emanating from handsets within one's personal area.
[edit] Symptoms
- People hear voices without having mobile phone in their hand!
- Those voices, nonetheless, do not stop calling "collect".
- The user's teeth turn blue or start glowing Chernobyl-style.
- Marital problems after asking new spouse for a ring-tone instead of a ring.
- Problems driving automobiles while holding one phone on each ear.
- Compulsive tendencies to stockpile blue toothbrushes under which are hidden more cell-phones.
- No More Ears™.
- Annoying habits of taking phone calls during movies.
- Compulsive tendencies to stockpile blue toothpaste.
- Obsessive-compulsive desire to drop everything at intimate moments and call in for messages.
- Refusal to stop singing I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues between calls.
- Failure to get rid of blue feelings even with anti-depressants.
- Smurfette's number is inexplicably on speed dial.
- Blue Screen Of Death's after watching the Blue Country.
- Like to leave bluetooth systems on. They give out nice blue lights(Which actually means self destruct. 60 secs)
- Find words like "Connect with? your mom" on phone. And accept it.
- Suddenly feel the urge to tell your friend to switch their bluetooth systems on
Note: Anyone with sixteen or more of these symptoms should be rushed to hospital as CODE BLUE. Patients and staff are reminded that cell phones must be turned off at all times while in the hospital and they be given Motorolas to help reduce the blue virus multiplying as they self destruct in one minute.
[edit] Bluetooth invention
The Bluetooth system was invented by the danish viking King Harold Bluetooth in 970, but the lack of computers ect. make the bluetooth fail, and it was buried with the king in the Roskilde Cathedral in 986, in the mid 80' the king was to be found, and danish scientists evolved the Bluetooths system as we know it today.
[edit] Uses and History
Bluetooth was developed by Gauthum Nambiar so that teenagers and perverts alike can discreetly and slowly transfer pornography on the bus ride to school. It was also capable of travelling 100km taking down enemy radios and giving the blue virus. When disconnected the virus is saved and can be sent again. There are many weapons for the blue war. The current killers are:
- Helped "Bluetoothed" the world on the new find
- Can pick enemies and throw spinning Bluetheeth.
- Razr could shoot bluetooth lazers and shave people if they hadn't
Many people bought the Razr because it was capable of world domination and also help them in their daily cleaniness. Also if they want to escape there was the 60 second self destruct function. Younger users prefer the slvr because it didn't have the shaving capabilities and blue lazer
The Blue Virus can attack anything. One of the first times people realized they were Blue-raped when they found themselves seeing their friends/families/pets turning fully blue and displaying Windows details. Later this was officially known as the Blue screen of Death, and wasn't related to the Blue Virus. But many believed that it was the blue virus and opened up their frineds/families/pets to find out. When they didn't find any answers, Motorola gave up on their dildo phones and tried making a phone that could do things most humans want to. World domination and shaving. They released the razr and the blue war began.
Samsung wanted to be involved in the war and advertised itself with a blue logo and a terribly aligned logo bearing the words "Samsung" and below it, "to come" to promote awareness on the new word, "cum." People became interested and bought their phones and realized what their phones can do and started attacking Motorolas with their 80mb D500c Sabers.
SonyEricsson was not a company to forget. It started the word blue tooth and virus by teaching people that neu tecnology was available in the T39. A bluetooth enabled phone, but didn't do much but kill people with high pitched sounds when talking without holding the phone
In the future, new and more useless varieties of bluetooth will develop, including:
- Shoe tooth - wireless connection with shoes
- An-drew tooth - wireless connection with people called Andrew (excluding Andrew Lloyd Weber)
- Skidoo tooth - wireless connection with snowmobiles
- Jew tooth - you get the idea
