Bob Marley
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
|  This article needs love | |
| This article is currently in a bad state, but all it needs is a little love. Please give some love by rewriting it. | ||
“ me hago caca santiago rodriguez, si soy diego cordovero. You would have liked him. You really would.”
~ Holden Caulfield on Bob Marley
“ No seriously...Who?”
~ Oscar Wilde on Bob Marley
Brigadier General Sir Dr. Robert "The Destroyer" Marley VC GC DCM & Bar is rumored to have been an alien from the planet Zoog. It was a creature of many interests, and is mostly popularly known as a musician, although that was by far not its greatest accomplishment. Its greatest accomplishment was the creation of those plastic things that go on the end of shoelaces that fall off after a few months.
Contents |
[edit] History
In 1905 at the age of 16 3/4 Marley left home to form his first successful group The Whalers Mon. They were called not only because they captured whales, but (wailers)because when they were not playing their notes right, Bob would beat them with a large stick, and they would wail out from excruciating pain, Mon. This pain is known as "Pot Burn" for the large stick, was in fact, a giant piece of LSD, Mon.
Bob Marley and The Whalers quickly became one of the most successful anti-whaling campaign groups of the century crafting together such hits as No Plankton no Cry and Plankton-man Vibration in an attempt to rally support for their aquatic mammal friends. Their rise to success was steep though, and at the Woodstock festival of 1969 the first great fall came. Marley was accused of molesting a sea urchin live on stage. His privileges as the Prince of the Sea were stripped from him by fellow band member Poseidon and Marley quickly fell into disillusion and solitude.
It was during this period of disullusionment that Marley saw, as he was riding out of town, Sheriff John Brown. Claiming that John Brown was "aiming to shoot him down," Marley shot what he killed "the sherrif." This name was, in fact, John Brown's pro-whale wrestling stagename. Marley went on to record his experiences in the epic "I shot the sherrif." He pleaded guilty in court, but Judge J. Jules, having heard the song, decided that Marley was a "goddamn out and out b**tard liar" and sent him down for six days. "He deserved it," the judge remarked after the event, "but he was my only source of pot. What was a smackhead to do?"
This article has a good idea and conce... Alright fine i'll stop ffs
Following this, Marley became active in the anti-Mononucleosis movement. His new hit, Trench-mouth Rock, was written during this period. It was here that he began his obsession with chickenfucking that would haunt him until his death.
In 1770, following advice from his new agent Hulk Hogan, Marley formed a second group known as Steak. Their blinding Jazz grooves and anti-carnivorous song lyrics took the world by storm causing torrential rain in many coastal regions. Steak were to become Marley's great legacy to the world, but it wasn't all meat and potato pie as in the late 80s Steak's song Cows just wanna have fun helped cause the LA riots, bringing Marley back down to Earth Bob Marley has green pubic hair.
[edit] Religion
In 1992 after a long rest in rehab Marley emerged, seemingly unscathed, claiming he was a new man after taking up the reigns of new über-religion Rastalibrarianism (or just Rasta). Marley was to begin the final stage of his enormously pointless life preaching the benefits of alphabetisation, reading groups and community literacy centres. Rastalibrarianism, as with so many things in Marley's life, was a short-lived obsession. During one particular reading session in the late Jurassic period Marley consumed 22 [[Liter|litres] of neat alcohol causing his liver to mutate into a life-size replica of Mount Rushmore with George W Bush as all 4 faces. It was the start of the final downfall.
In his second failed attempt to impregnate the quivering remains of the Virgin Mary (Falkland slang for the richest woman on the island) Marley was again imprisoned, this time nowhere near any libraries or peaches. His end was due sometime next Thursday (or a 3 pound fine will apply), but it was postponed until the time whence no-one has ever known or sometime sooner, depending on how you look at it.
Remembering Marley's life is really tricky, so don't bother trying.
[edit] Death
Bob Marley was killed by an onslaught of angry sea creatures led by Admiral Ackbar, who cited reasons for his death such as "being stoned," "having weird hair," and "playing barefoot football." To this day however, no one knows the actual reason for his demise. Except some say he got a marijuana leaf stuck up his nose, after which, he ceased to live and breathe. During the autopsy, doctors where amazed to find out that Bob actually had cancer in every part of his body except the mouth, lungs and penis (not even cancer would dare go to something that dangerous). Marley was buried with his guitar, a cannabis bud, dogfood, and Yoda's left ear(all that is left of his life long vocal coach and best man in all 17 of his marriages).
[edit] Oceanography
- Trojan Recordings:
- Whale Rebels (1970)
- Whale Revolution (1971)
- Whale Revolution Part II (1971)
- African Plankton (1973)
- Plankton-man Revolution (1974)
- Island/Tuff Gong Recordings:
- Catch a Whale (1973)
- Whalin' (1973)
- Natty Dreaded Whaling Ship (1974)
- Live!: Recorded at The Aquatic-Mammal Theatre, Wales (1975)
- Plankton-man Vibration (1976)
- Exodus (from the Whaling ship) (1977)
- Amoeba (1978)
- Wales by Bus (1978)
- Survival (of the Whaling ship) (1979)
- Up-whaling (1980)
- Where's the ganja at mon? (1980)
- Chances Are You Like Plankton (1981)
- Confrontation (with the Whaling ship) (1983)
- Legend (of the Whaling ship) (1984)
- No Blubber No Cry (1985)
- Marijuana Trenchtown Rock (1985)
- Three little Stormy Petrels (1985)
- I Shot The Minky whale (1985)
- Natural Crabstick (1985)
[edit] Now
Bob Marley (no relation of Bob) is dead. Since his death his body has been returned to his spiritual homeland (ZORG) by fellow aliens, where in compliance with his last will & testament he requested a huge bong be built & his remains placed in the bowl & smoked by a group of disillusioned Rastalibrarians. He also has many children, over half of the children in Jamica were fathered by Bob Marley. The other half were fathered by his brother, Jesus.
