Boeing

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“Boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing...”

~ Oscar Wilde on Boeing

“Boing-oing-oing-oing-oing-oing...”

~ Beavis on Boeing

“Boeing, Boeing, Gone!”

~ The hammer guy at an auction on selling a 737

The Boeing Aircraft Company (which is not spelled Boing - it's spelled Bøuing (British) or Båoing (American)) is an aircraft company that is based in Seattle, Washington, Canada.

The Boeing Company is a major flying carpet maker and defense corporation. Its international headquarters is in Chicago, Illinois, they moved there quite recently since the losers at chicago were robbing them less in borad day light than the broads at Washington State.

[edit] History

It was among the first companies to pioneer rust-resistant wings to adapt planes to the rainy weather in the Pacific Northwest. In 1938, Boeing completed work on the Model 307 Stratoliner. This was the world’s first pressurized-cabin transport aircraft, and it was capable of cruising at an altitude of 20,000 feet. — above most weather disturbances, this allowed passenger to hump without gettin a bump. During World War II, Boeing built a huge number of bombers. Many of the workers were women whose husbands had gone to war, so they came to boing to build humps instead. In recent years, Boeing has come under attack from the European Airbus Conspiracy. It is alleged that this is because Airbus was able to give the word "coach class" a whole new meaning with its company name. A Boeing campaign called "Boing" which features airplanes landing during severe turbulence on unpaved runways produced poor results.

It is also believed that the Flying Carpet used by Alladin is a pre war Boeing B18654 model.

[edit] About the name

Boeing was the last name of Bill Boeing, the founder of the company. A common urban legend is that the name is derived from the sound a penis makes when it gets a sudden erection.

[edit] Aircraft

Boeing currently produces several different aircraft, most with some design flaws:

Boeing 737 in convertible format

• Boeing 007 – wasn't a big success as a airplane

• Boeing 666 - The first sub-terrestrial aeoroplane.

• Boeing 707 – The first Trans Atlantic Jets. The introduced the first turbojets in the world. These worked by making four hamsters fart and then lighting that fart on fire. However when PETA filed a lawsuit against ethical treatment of animals. Fart and Whiney the Engine maker came up with a new plan. They made the Hamsters run on treadmills which where connected to fans in front of the engine. These fans blew the fart far behind the hamsters where they were lit to produce the exhaust gas. This new concept called the turbofan engine powered the next generation of 707's now named as the 707-200's. These are still grandpas jets. If you see one of these run and hide they are like 50 years old.

• Boeing 717 - Some sources believe that the uncanny resemblance between this small regional airliner, and the McDonnell Douglas DC-9 and MD-80, and ACAC ARJ21 is merely chance. Or is it? Conspiracy theories abound.

• Boeing 727 - Very similar to the 707 in cross section but smaller in size these aircraft were powered only by three hamsters, each turbocharged to produce 1/5 of a horsepower.

A Boeing 737 seen parked at the gate after a regular landing.

• Boeing 737 - Nothing more than a compressed 707 powered only by two hamsters, this jet seats between 100-190 people depending on the country and the size of its people. Hence American and European models have only 100 seats installed while African and Asian models seat 190 and 150 respectively. First described by critics as 'a good guess' the design has increased and decreased in size over the various models as the designers try to hone in on the optimum length. The Boeing 737 has a unique design feature, inspired by whiteware that fails the week after the warranty has run out, which causes the steering mechnisim to fail and the plane to crash, causing the operator to have to replace it at their expense.

Boeing 747 pictured with cabin crew

• Boeing 747 - The worlds first double decker airliner. It is believed that Juan Trippe founder of Pan Am was expressing his desire to hump in the air and hence asked one of his airline's vice Presidents to come up with a suitable arrangement for the same. The bilthering idiot of a Vice President misquoted Mr. Trippe while asking Boeing to design Pan Am's next plane. And hence Boeing designed a plane with a hump. This aircraft uses four hamsters.

• Boeing 757 or 7373737 Following the frazier crane mantra "If less is more, just think how much more more would be", boeing decided to capitalise on the success of the 737 by taping three of them together and calling it the 757, or did they tape three 707's together everyone still wonders. Hence its nickname is the tapeworm, it is also known as the stick insect. Some airlines use engines with tasmanian devils running on the treadmills in the engine rather than hamsters.

ex Air New Zealand 737-200 being mated with lufthansa and southwest airframes to construct a B757

• Boeing 767 A design Inspired by the common garden Slug, this is a 747 with the hump sawed off and a cocpit stolen from the 757. Hence its nickname in pioting circles as the slug.

• Boeing 777 - Also known as the superslug or the T7 (no not terminator) it is nothing more than 767 that was fed transfats until it became obese. (read the next line to understand why) This is the first aircraft completely designed by inadaptable electronic machines made by intelligent chimpanzees!!! This aircraft is run by two hamsters on steroids. It is also known as the SuperSlug.

• Boeing 787 – This aircraft is made entirely of composite materials, which means that it is not made of beer cans but biodegradable tupperwareand masking tape. This airline will be introduced with ANA airlines in Japan. This plane is to compete with the Airbus A340 and A350.
  

  

  707 being prepared for flight
  .Apparently this aircraft is so environment friendly that it will use no petroleum fuel dug up from the earth. While flyin on the 787 you need to arrive 1 hr before flight so that you may stand in line to fart. The fart will then be collected and used to fly the plane you will be on. This aircraft is the alleged inspiration of the Airbus A350, which is ironic considering this plane is essentially a scaled-up copy of the Embraer 170. The fact that few people have heard of Embraer makes Boeing's hypocrisy less well known.

• Boeing 797 – This aircraft, which has yet to be designed, will revolutionize air travel by using a laser fusion engine to power it. It will fly in 2022.

• Boeing/McDonnell Douglas C-17 - A large flying moose, developed as a more fuel efficeint replacement for Santa's reindeers. However Santa refused to accepts the C-17 saying that while the moose ate only wild shrub, he would not be able to grow the same to feed the moose since only grass grew at the North Pole.

• Boeing 800 - This aircraft has yet to be built. Its design calls for a moose stable, a penguin skating ring, a hockey arena and a large fart-capture device. Which is why the Canadians are pre-ordering 700 of them. However the chinese are now in the game stating that if Boeing instead desgin it with a pig sty, a large rice farm and if it can fly on condemned toothpaste then they will order 1.8 billion of them, roughly one for each citizen. Boeing is now strategising as to which order it should accept.

• Boeing 808*

The Boeing 808, 'new jet on the block', is a 8,250 aircraft capable of speeds of up to 12,600 mph. It's also enviromentaly friendly, being powered be 48 afterburning turbojets

• Note: Boeing was also part of the engineering partnership that spawned the illegitimate bastard love child of a Bell 407 hellicopter and a Cessna, the V-22 Osprey.

• Boeing 737 - The all new Boeing 737-3000 is a all new jet with a greater range than all the previous 737's. The turbine jet engines are being replaced by 4 all new Fiat 500 engines (slightly tuned). Because of these new engines the 737 can fly at an altitude of 200+ feet with a cruise speed of around 12 Knots. With its fuel capacity it can carry almost 3 passengers (along with 2 pilots and 5 flight attendants)around the world without refueling! Unfortunately this is only a prototype and will never be sold. Pictures are not available yet.

[edit] ADVERTISEMENT

One slightly soiled Boeing 777-200ER, dodgy undercarriage and cargo hold, no emergency chutes, wheels or fuel. Potential buyers should apply to: British Airways Heathrow Airport

twa 800 is on of the most idiotic crashes of a boeing, either some guy with a bomb made it explode, or picatchu used electroshock. The plane exploded like tnt, the nose broke off and fell into the ocean, the rest of the plane went up like a rocket and fell into the ocean.