Bolivia
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“The land is yours too, my children!”
~ Oscar Wilde on the Bolivian Continental Claim
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[edit] Introduction (extract from the Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy
Bolivia, also called Oblivia, widely regarded as the greatest country in the world in every single aspect (even though they don't have one single beach), sits atop a mountain in the magical land of "evo". Where the wonderful wizard of cocoa lives.
[edit] The Lima and other Unknown Territories-Bolivia Alliance
For those of you who haven't heard about Bolivia is because it belongs to Peru. Both Oblivia and Peru, also called Peruvia, in turn are part of the Chilean Empire, won over 1.5 million years ago in the War of the Neanderthals. The Chilean Empire let Oblivia and Peruvia administer their own territories as a punishment for the ugliness of their people. This punishment, one of the cruelest in recorded history, has had clear effects as peruvians and bolivians are now inmersed in chaos and hunger.
In 1854 (i am not a history fan)Bolivia made an alliance with The republic of Lima and other Unknown Territories(such as Bolivia)against Chile, also referred to as Chili, and England,yes,England, we didn't stand a fucking chance).The French tried to help us but the fucking faggots didn't tried hard enough. The alliance was basically that the bolivian president(John Doe)sucked Peruvia's president's cock (sadly I dont know his name either)in exchange for a few soldiers. As everyone knows we were humillated by those fucking transexual hybrids(commonly known as chileans or "huevones")and a little island with three or two small boats known as England. As a result Peruvia and Chile decided to take away Bolivias beaches (just for fun). The only place where bolivians can know take a bath is Lake Titicaca (a dirty lake full of mutant frogs.(no fucking joke,have you seen those things???)
[edit] Facts
Bolivia is a variation on the better known 'olive' or 'The Devil's testicle,' but Bolivians make much better subsitutes as testicles for humans because they are softer and easier to chew.
Population: 9,000,000 Cocks and 3,400,000 Cunts.(THATS A LOT OF CHICKEN!!!!)
Capital: Cocaine
"Big brother state": Soviet Russia
Education: Tetralectic[1]
GDP: Slightly lower than Wal-Mart's pizza station.
President: Evo (or was it evil... hmm I don't remember!) Morales
Presidential Period: 3 hours, 1 or 2 months if they obey the Soviet Union's every demand
They Love: Mother Russia!
Slogan: Shit will eventually come to life!
Beliefs: bestiality is good!
skin tone: kinda like a potatoe and the roughness of a rhinos anus
Bolivia is a variation on the better know 'olive' or 'The Devil's testicle,' but Bolivians make much better subsitutes as testicles for humans because they are soft and easier to chew.
[edit] The Country
Bolivia is a small Banana located in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. it was colonized by exiled russians to Libia. These Russians didn't fit in into the Libian culture, but Identified with the country that took them, they set sail for an Island in the pacific and named it Bolivia. Bo the prefix meaning NOT and Libia as in the country. Known for their endless love of philosophy, high arts and culture, the Bolivians take pride on being the home of thousands of nuclear scientists. This has led them to believe that others might be after their cultural resources, so they have managed very well to hide them from foreign people. In order to avoid talent hunters, the Bolivian people disguise themselves as chilean-hunting nomads. This strategy has worked miraculously for centuries.
It should be noted that, as the wet inhabitants of a wet land at the sea level, Bolivians long for a higher, landlocked destiny since in their words they are "fucking sick of all the bikini booty action".
It should be noted that the Bolivian Island was briefly occupied by Microsoft between -901A.C. and 1A.C. see Hugh Genius for more information. Bolivia is also the worlds largest producer of nuclear submarines, however worldwide attention to the Bolivian practise clubbing of adorable baby nuclear submarines has led to research into more humane methods of harvesting alarmingly dangerious submersible ships. It is also home to the mysterious Tree Llama making it a very popular destination for the sport of llama spotting.
Bolivia´s national anthem is beatles´ song "yellow submarine".
[edit] History
1825 The Free Associated State (to the Peruvian Empire) of Bolivia is founded by a band of Venezuelan marandeurs devoted to freeing "these united states" from the claws of the Pakistani crown.
1826 Bolivia ejects all homosexuals, Chile is created.
1850 - 1862 The Free Associated State of Bolivia is dissolved after 25 years of internal strife Conqueror Maximus Andrew "Condor Pasa" Santa Cruz created the third republic, invades and gets raped by the neighbouring states of Peru, Argentina and Chile
1879 Aided by Neds Monkeys and other allies the South American country of Chile nukes 142.000 linear kilometres of Bolivian territory causing the country to drift to the Pacific Ocean aimlessly and therefore becoming the island nation we know today.
1903 Bolivia is invaded by the Empire of Brazil which captures a portion of its territory and tows it back to the continental shell, due to the existence of enormous jungles in this portion of the territory Brazil becomes the world's largest producer of rubber.
1935 Oil is found in the southermost territory of the Island, you know what happens next.
1967 The most complete human being of our age is discovered in a swamp near the Great Bolivian Canyon. Unfortunately, before cryptozoologists could examine the entity, it was mercilessly dismantled by locals with the help of an infamous poaching agency (CIA) who took various personal effects such as a beret, a Rolex watch and two hands.
2000 Bolivian president refuses to trade with USA until they pay a royalty. USA was unaware of the existence of Bolivia until that day and sets up an embassy four months later.
2005 Bolivian bored people like Camillo de la Quintana y de Tejos discovers that going to Chile is better than to eat bread and pig.
2005 Bolivian nuclear scientist Evo Morales discovers a procedure to make the developed world's favorite delicatessen (Cocaine) legal. The invention is so good that Morales died as a consequence of an overdose. He is replaced with a chimp, and nobody notices the difference.
2006 Risse visited in Bolivia
2008 Mysterious-newly acquired wealth allows Bolivia to row its way back to the continent and reconquer selected former provinces. Bikini booty action no more! is the battlecry.
2016 The Soviet Union declares war on Bolivia for an attempt to capture an island in the Gulf of Udûn named Ksrhkistan.
2017 Bolivia wins a great victory in the Battle of Disney's California Adventure, but is swiftly defeated after Yuri mind controls the entire populace to death in one swoop as anticlamactic as it was fell.
2019 Bolivia is repopulated enough to be declared an SSR of the Soviet Union. There was much rejoicing.
2032 Bolivia finally achieves its eternal claim to access to the Pacific Ocean by being completely annexed by Chile.
[edit] The Brazilian-Bolivian War
At 2006, the Bolivian Emperor, Che Guevara, decided take over all brazilian oil refineries in his country, helped by the venezuelan god Hugo Alcarajo Chavez.
The Brazilian president, Luis Inácio Squid da Silva took very harsh positions about it, like inviting Che Guevara for dinner.
This battle will be forever remembered for the infamous phrase "Y entonces, quando el barbudo se cambiò de cuestas para celebrar la auto-suficienza..." said by Che Guevara, after he stabbed the Brazilian president from behind with an artifact not quite resembling a knife, but rather a wee-wee.
Diplomatic relations between the two countries decayed fast and the Bolivians were expecting brutal retaliation from Brazil. Their worst fears became reality when the Brazilian government announced it would punish Bolivia by investing some extra billions in that country. The Bolivians would forever remember the harsh price of their ambition was extra cash. After all, that country has been so poor since its birth that if it starts to become rich the whole population will become fatally confused, thus resorting to kitten-huffing and cults of Cthulhu.
[2] Che Guevara and Squid da Silva moments before the backstab. Bolivians Are known to worship Belizeans like Gods.
[edit] The War of Glorious Liberation
In 2016, Bill O'Reilly discovered an island by the name of Kshrkistan with his psychic powers in the Gulf of Udûn. Bolivia quickly moved its vast army in to claim the place, which had unrivalled amounts of methane underground, just waiting to be drilled up.
However, the Great Soviet Union also wanted this island. They declared war on Bolivia, and a great amount of fighting occurred in southern Nigeria. A year into the conflict, Soviet and Bolivian forces met at Disney's California Adventure. The Bolivian zeppelins were victorious, and the Soviet horde of conscripts was completely destroyed.
After this battle, Premier Romanov realized fully the importance of the war. He liscensed his loyal advisor Yuri to "unleash the full power of our glorious force of armed burros upon the *spit* dirty capitalists!"
In less than five minutes, Yuri had mind-controlled the entire population of Bolivia to death.
[edit] The aftermath
Yuri professed he felt "really sorry" about the Bolivian genocide, and revived all of them except for Kenny.
In 2018, Bolivia was populated enough with KGB officers and industrial slaves for the island nation to be declared a full member of the USSR, with all corresponding rights and priveleges, except for the right to get free guacamole at Chinese restaurants on Tuesday, which is still being withheld. Che Gueverra was reinstated as president after 12 years of exile working in the agricultural sector for alarmingly low prices in southern California.
Today Bolivia is full of brainless workers who are too stupid and cold to know anything but total obedience toward Mother Russia. Bolivia is the USSR's number one cocaine producer.
[edit] CoCk
The Bolvians then got on their fantastic navy sucked a few cocks and then went to the inland. There they scared away all the inhabitants with their cock sucking tecniques. they now like to place 11 inchers into small holes that are found on their body.
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