Bolivian Tree Llama

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“Bolivian Tree Llamas are by far the happiest creatures I know.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Bolivian Tree Llamas

Bolivian Tree Llama

Kingdom:	Animalia
Division:	Chordata
Class:	Mammalia
Order:	Artyodactila
Family:	Camelidae
Genus:	Lama

Species

Lama boliviana

The Bolivian tree llama is a rarely seen animal which is only found in parts of Bolivia and Peru. It is a herbivore, mainly feeding on the fruit of the iTree, which are called iPods. It will also occasionally eat fruit from other trees in the Apple(tm) family.

It is prized for its long claws which it uses to swing through the trees, which can fetch up to $400 a claw on the black market. Unfortunately this has lead to the hunting of Bolivian Tree Llamas, with only 10,000 remaining in the wild.

To combat the plight of the Bolivian tree llama a charity has been set up by the people of Bolivia and Happy-land which is named the "Save the Bolivian Tree Llama From the Evil Poachers and Their Guns Fund" See below for more information on SBTLFEPTGF.

1 Habitat
2 Origins
3 Anatomy
4 Classification
- 4.1 Scientific classification
5 SBTLFEPTGF
6 Not to be Confused With

[edit] Habitat

Bolivian tree lamas live predominantly in the high cloud forests of the Bolivian mountains. They can also be found in the cloud forests of Peru and Happy-land. The tree llamas rarely touch foot on the ground, moving about in the high tree tops. The only time when they set foot on the ground is during their long and complex mating rituals. They are able to move around the forest canopy by using their long claws.

They eat various fruits which grow in the canopy, and also will eat any penguins they can get their hands on. The fruits they mainly eat are the iPods from the iTrees, but they will also eat fruit from other trees in the Apple(tm) family. They are however unable to eat the fruit of the crab apple tree due to the razor sharp claws and rock hard shells of the fruit.

[edit] Origins

The Bolivian tree llama originated in the cloud forests of Bolivia, and spread over to Peru by swimming across Lake Titicaca. There have been a few isolated sightings of the tree llama in Ecuador, but it has so far not been seen outside of South America. There have also been reported sightings of the Bolivian tree llama in Happy-land, and are reported to be the happiest animals there by far.

[edit] Anatomy

Bolivian tree llamas are similar to regular llamas in the fact that they have long fur, long legs, long necks, long heads, long tails and short tempers. They should also have two eyes, two nostrils, one mouth (containing within a long, abrasive tongue made out of sandpaper), two ears and one... er... other orifice. Don't go near that one. They are also equipped with strong beaks for cracking open the shells of penguins and iPods as well as large claws for swinging through trees. They differ from regular llamas by having long claws instead of the flippers found on regular llamas.

Bolivian tree llamas have better tempers than regular llamas, as they have less humps but still are not the most sociable of creatures. They especially hate the number 14 due to an unfortunate incident involving the numbers 12, 2 and half a dozen tree llamas. This said you must never utter the number 14 when in close proximity to a tree llama, as doing so will drive them into a frenzy and will attack you with their large beaks and claws.

[edit] Classification

[edit] Scientific classification

The Bolivian Tree Llama is classified in the same genus as the regular llama, alpaca, the guanaco and the Bolivian tree lama. It is in the same family as the camel, but with less humps. This makes it a far more pleasant animal than the camel, as it is less grumpy. They are the rarest of all the animals in the Lama genus, due to their sought after claws.

[edit] SBTLFEPTGF

The claw of the Bolivian Tree Llama can fetch up to $400 on the black market

SBTLFEPTGF stands for "Save the Bolivian Tree Llama From the Evil Poachers and Their Guns, Fund". It was set up in 1984 to combat the poaching of the Bolivian Tree Llama for its valuable claws.

Since the Bolivan Tree Llama was discovered in 1066 its numbers have been in steady decline until 1806, when the Bolivian Tree Llama was lost. When it was found down the back of the sofa in 1900 its numbers have continued to drop until there are only around 20,000 Tree Llamas left in the wild.

The Bolivian Tree Llama is hunted for its claws, which are used as ornaments, doorstops, and in ancient Chinese medicine. On the black market these claws can fetch up to $400 a claw.

SBTLFEPTGF is currently accepting any donations of used milk cartons and old hamster cages. Leaping ahead from the grade-school roots, these donations will be used to construct a habitat from those Bolivian Tree Llama's that have not been saved from the evil poachers and their guns, and now must walk, not hang, clawless, causing all the other ~~reindeer~~ BTL's to laugh and call it names.