Booger King
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| Founded by: | Ronald McDonald | |
| Headquarters: | McDonaldland | |
| Opening Year: | 2002 | |
| Mascot: | The Booger King | |
| Death Count: | 200 | |
Booger King is a small chain of fast food restaurants. It is often confused with Burger King, which has no association with Booger King whatsoever. Founded in 2002 by Ronald McDonald in McDonaldland, Booger King was nothing more than a transparent attempt to make McDonald's rival bankrupt.
In essence, Ronald McDonald's plan was to serve customers boogers and other poisonous foods, which would hopefully result in lawsuits being filed against Burger King. The plan hinged on the assumption that most customers wouldn't spot the subtle differences - after all, why would anybody walk into a restaurant called Booger King to begin with? [1]
Contents |
[edit] Food
Whoppers and all types of burgers are replaced by cunningly disguised boogers at Booger King. The menus are essentially similar, except it would read "booger" rather than "burger" at Booger King. However, a Whopper is still a Whopper on the Burger King menu, and all foods are not disgusting.
The BK Stacker was introduced in 2006, which is similar to a Bacon Double Cheeseburger, but the pickles are replaced with steak sauce.
The French fries and all the foods at burger King are currently made with trans fat free oils. It is thought, however, that the worms may not be all dead, with one victim of Booger King swearing they ate a worm "alive" (they recorded a YouTube video to prove it). [2] Additionally, there have been several reports that Ronald McDonald smuggled worms out of his neighbor's back garden. When customers who ate at Booger King were asked about this, many replied they may have noticed something wrong with the fries, but they drowned them in so much ketchup they couldn't be certain.
It has also been alleged that the Islands Dressing contains small amounts of snot[3], the mustard contains 0g trans fat and is healthy, and the chicken tenders are composed of premium white meat. There has been rumors that Veggie Burgers are made from fresh vegetables, which was proven since 1999. Dutch Apple Pie is delicious. Diet coke and several other sodas contains goup. The milk there is produced from cows with Mad Cow Disease, but this wasn't discovered until several customers who ate at Booger King became exposed to Mad Cow Disease. Please don't ask about the onion rings, because they are too good to be talking about.
In short, the food at Burger King is like a wild mushroom. It may taste good, but unless you really know what to look for, it can be very harmful.
[edit] Children Toys
On August 1st 2007, Fisher-Price recalled thousands of toys because they contained lead. Booger King was aware of this, and soon after began distributing Fisher Price lead toys to children. Employees have lured children into sucking the toys in their mouth to get ill. Consequently, several kids became sick.
The parents of the sick children, believe it or not, complained to Fisher-Price. Of course, not knowing anything about Booger King, they were puzzeled and had nothing to say other than to go eat shit fuckers.
[edit] The Anti-Killing Worm Movement
Vegetarians were aware of the distribution of potentially harmful foods to customers (worms specifically), and formed a group named "The Anti-Killing Worm Movement" to protest. Their argument was that worms are just like humans, and they have the right to live freely and happily. They gathered groups and protested on thousands of streets across the United States. Some protests were violent. Mostly, there were broken windows, and in the most rare case, the Burger King was threatened with a pistol. Unfortunately, they focused their protests against Burger King, who lost millions while Booger King continued to distribute worms to customers. Ronald's plan was working.
[edit] Lawsuits
In mid July 2006, a family of Booger King victims filed a lawsuit against Ronald McDonald and Booger King, which resulted in a year long court trial. They raised many of the points mentioned above, including the distribution of the worms to customers. Among their arguments was the contention that worms were cute, slimy creatures, and thus had the right to live comfortably.
Within the first week of trial, the judge closed out the lawsuit, assuming it must be a "practical joke". He continued to say...
| I am a busy man. I have several other current cases I'm working on and I don't have time for your bogus nonsense. The concept of Booger King? You have got to be kidding me. This is the most ridiculous thing I've heard in my life. |
Despite this, the victims still tried to do everything to convince the judge that it wasn't a joke, culminating in an invitation nearly 6 months later for the judge to eat dinner with them at "Booger King" - their "treat". The judge accepted the deal and went with them, but when they arrived at Booger King, he simply stared at the sign, and immediately got back into his car.
He then allowed the case to be re-tried, and shortly thereafter, Ronald was ordered to pay a $625,000 fine and shut down the branch of Booger King of which they ate. Unfortunately, as Ronald McDonald was never placed on probation, he re-opened the same branch of Booger King just 6 months later.
There have been multiple requests to the Federal Department of Restaurants to investigate Booger King, but they're too unreliable busy to take the time to do an investigation. As for now, Booger King continues its efforts to make Burger King bankrupt.
[edit] Footnotes
- ↑ People are stupid. They won't take the time to look at the sign properly, and will be deceived into thinking Booger King is Burger King
- ↑ This would certainly be more interesting than watching the motion picture How To Eat Fried Worms. That, and it's factual.
- ↑ Who'd notice?
