Boogers

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“Mmm... salty!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Boogers

“I wanted to be a luger until I found out what loogies really are--they're nasty!”

~ Oscar Wilde

“Stop eating us!”

~ A Booger on Boogers

“To think I kissed her there--and there--and there!”

~ Sarah Michelle Gellar on seeing photo of Jennifer Lopez picking her nose

“I loved you Jay-Lo! Why, why , whyyyyyyyyyyy!”

~ Crazed Fan on Jay-Lo

“It was a one-night stand, get over it.”

~ Jay-Lo on Crazed Fan

Boogers are a substance found in peoples noses which is considered a delicacy all around the world. Cheeseboogers and jawboogers are famous dishes made with them. Boogers also are commonly sprinkled on cakes, pizzas, and cookies. Their liquid form is commonly used as sauce for macaroni, French fries, and for cannibal tribes of the Caribbean and South Pacific, human fingers.

The polite name for snot, a free, delicious, nutritious emergency ration produced, without fanfare, by the nasal mucosa in such abundance that individuals swallow approximately 3.48 gallons per day without realizing it.

[edit] Description

Boogers are made up of mucin, water, cells, and inorganic salts. Depending upon the size of the serving, a single helping may contain from 10 to 40 calories. Boogers are good to eat whether they are consumed raw, baked, blanched, boiled, broiled, fried, grilled, julienned, sautéed, or steamed. They go well with other body fluids such as blood, spit, vaginal secretions, and semen. One should be careful not to overcook boogers, as they can turn into slime monsters.

Boogers come in a variety of colors, including:

• White, or vanilla
• Yellow, or banana
• Green, or lime. ^[1]

Despite differences in color and taste, boogers tend to have the same texture, which some diners have described as "like a slug that's had salt poured over it" or like "a snail trail." Others compare the texture to that of a raw oyster.

[edit] Varieties

Experts on boogers (those 12 years old and younger) have identified two varieties in addition to ordinary boogers:

• Loogie - phlegm and spit hocked up (ejected) from the ears, nose, and throat by someone who has nasal congestion
• Snot rocket - a booger that is shot from the snot-loaded nostril by a forceful exhalation through the nose while the other nostril is held shut or plugged.

[edit] Extraction Techniques

Karl Malden, an obvious booger lover

Barbara Streisand has perhaps had one too many hand-picked boogers.

Although it is possible to blow snot through the nose into a folded tissue or handkerchief, it is more fun and disgusting to extract boogers by picking the nose with the finger. Some adults find this practice embarrassing and do so only in private, whereas others, such as Bill Clinton and his mistress Monica Lewinsky are unconcerned and will pick their noses in public as well as in private.

CAUTION: The prolonged habit of nose picking may lead to acne, blindness, and an enlarged nose.

Another way to eject boogers is to sneeze without covering the nose and mouth with the palm of the hand, in which case the snot is expelled in a spray of fine mist.

[edit] Trivia

Commercial Enterprises: A few fast-food restaurants specialize in serving grilled or fried snot, one of the best known of which is Booger King, "Home of the Whopper."

• Booger Dishes: Boogers are used to make a famous dish named guacamole, that people thought was made of avocado. Jell-O is made of boogers dissolved in water.Boogers are the yummy thing which comes out of the nose Food coloring (colors green, brown, hazel, and red) are powdered boogers. Vinegar is made of boogers that were smashed until they became liquid, and then are left to rot. Baby food is creamed boogers.
• Dining Etiquette: A finger food, boogers can be eaten by hand without one's being considered gauche or impolite. Boogers can be eaten year round and require no preservation or storage.
• Prejudice: Picking boogers directly from your nose has been considered scatological since the end of WWII when the Jews did it so the Germans didn't want to do it and soon everybody thought it was a complete and absolute strangeness to eat your own boogers.

[edit] In popular culture

[edit] Relation with South Park

Anybody who watches South Park knows a familiar character called Butters. Boogers is his insubordinate twin brother adopted from Malaysia, Thong Reef. They were connected by their toes. Strangely, neither died when separated, which disappointed the parents. Therefore, they sent Boogers off to Calcutta as a legitimate sex-slave to old beggars. He is currently in a coma with n00b Allergy Syndrome (nAS).

[edit] Famous Aficionados

Many famous men and women are partial to boogers, among whom are:

• Ralph Wiggum
• Karl Malden
• Barbara Streisand
• W. C. Fields
• John Barrymore
• Pinocchio
• Paula Jones (mistress to President Bill Clinton)
• Bozo the Clown
• Big Nose Kate (soiled prairie dove)
• Howard Stern
• Bob Ivany
• Linda Trip
• Jiggaboo Jones
• Getty Lee (singer from Rush)

[edit] References

1. ↑ Lime boogers, although tasty, can be indicative of an infection. People eat boogers without having to be trained to do so; eating snot is a natural and instinctive activity.

[edit] See also

Boogieman

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