Boozebear

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“Boozebear is what you get if you cross the Australian drop bear with a pint of VB”

~ An aclaimed zoologist on Boozebear

“Skroo thert zooooooologist, iz heee corlin mee j-runck?”

~ Boozebear on Zoologists

“Boozebears are quite cute, really”

~ Oscar Wilde on Boozebears

“Mmmm... tastes like chicken”

~ David Boon on Josh Challis

“FUCK FUCK FUCK”

~ Gordon Ramsay on shit and stuff

Boozebears were thought to have originated inside their mothers about 9 months after they were concieved. The actual year is difficult to discern as we even asked nicely and they still wouldn't tell us. The country of birth we tried to find by torturing one of the little bastards (yes we have revealed that they are in fact bastards). Unfortunately, he died.

[edit] Appearance

Boozebears generally appear as little fuzzy balls with overlarge flat feet. They are also generally singing at the top of their voices, smell like alcohol and stagger from one side of the street to the other. They tell each other apart by seeing how much they drink, as they see the world as a drink induced blur and find speech difficult, both due to the insane amounts of VB they drink.

[edit] Habitat

The natural habitat for a boozebear is at its nearest bar, casino, bar, hotel, bar, place that serves drinks, hotel, bar or Poland. They generally like to live a drunk existence and need plenty of VB and/or Budweiser. The habitats are being slowly but surely taken over by those useless and ever incresing (in size as well as numbers) Man United fans who crowd in to watch a game known as football. The boozebears recently petitioned to have all Man United fans shot and the authorities agreed, but couldn't find enough bullets to get all of them so they just transformed them into Arsenal fans who are much easier to get along with and much easier to get drunk.

[edit] Behaviour

Boozbears generally drink, drink, drink. Occasionally one will order another drink. They then walk around the streets to show how drunk and incapable of walking they really are. It is also suspected that boozebears do this for another reason, but it was lost in the depths of the filing cabinet. They occasionally say something coherent, which is a sign of near-soberness. If you are nearby please contact your nearest bar as boozebears have been known to die from prolongued periods of being sober.

[edit] Facts and Figures

• 99.99% of boozbears die from soberness
• 0.01% of boozebears dont die from soberness
• All boozebears are excessive drinkers and attend alchohlics suppliers

[edit] Famous boozebears

• Mel Gibson
• Satan
• Oscar wilde Don't deny it, Oscar, we have the contract!