Bourgeoisie
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“The peasants are revolting? Why yes, they are quite revolting.”
The Bourgeoisie were a class of benevolent landholders who were noted for their acts of charity, compassion, and intra-familial relations. Scholars unanimously agree that the bourgeoisie were innocent victims of discrimination, persecuted on the basis of God-given birthright, from the latter half of the 19th century CE.
[edit] Rise of the Bourgeoisie
With the emergence of colonialisation, rich nobles offered many humble peasants tracts of land in exchange for the cleansing of savages. These peasants toiled up to three days with their rifles to cleanse the land of its native fauna. Some peasants suffered at the hands of these animals - notably with sore trigger fingers and cramped arms. Their pain and hardship has been reverently immortalised in the pastime of fox-hunting.
Other peasants recieved tracts of land that were difficult to cleanse. In many cases the infestations on their properties had extended to entire families and communities. However, with the advent of wild foaming dogs, these nests of natives were eventually cleansed to make way for dirt farms, gulags, and American Gladiators.
In time, and at the cost of many years of pointing and clicking, these peasants grew strong, healthy, and rich from the proceeds of their land and free labour - and formed the new class of the Bourgeoisie.
[edit] The Divide
In 1834 a young man known as Melvin Bonaparte attempted to unite the independent bourgeoisie clans under a single Red Banner of Peace. However, many of the clans did not approve of this - particularly a young Nigel Marx, proprietor of the local animal farm, who united the remainder of the clans under the Blue Banner of War. Marx declared war with the Bonapartic clans for control over the bourgeoisie future. After over a year of feuding, both clans had run out of peasants to sacrifice for their country, and a stalemate was reached.
A proposal was initially documented in which Bonaparte would govern Russia and Marx would govern France under the Purple Banner of Neutrality. However, Marx had learnt long ago that Bonaparte was not to be trusted, and covertly arranged a coup d'etat. With the help of a traitor within Bonaparte's confederacy, Marx stole Russia, decreed that War is Peace, and adopted Bonaparte's colour red as his own. However, Bonaparte had learnt long ago that Marx was not to be trusted, and covertly arranged a coup d'etat. With the help of a traitor within Marx's confederacy, Bonaparte stole France, decreed that Peace is War, and adopted Marx's colour blue as his own.
These simultaneously duplicitous deviancies formed a rift in the soon to be discovered space-time continuum, thrusting both figures into the future and turning them back into peasants. Bonaparte and Marx then set about restoring their previous bourgeoisie status, resulting in the French Revolution and Communism respectively.
[edit] The Unification
Marx, now having changed his name to the ever-so-slightly more dignified Karl, set about writing down all the reasons he should be bourgeoisie - entitled 'Top 10 Reasons Karl should be King'. Public opinion was mixed. Realising in order to be powerful he would need the help of those filthy peasants, Marx compiled a book entitled 'The Communist Manifesto' which received rave reviews and resulted in the unification of Russia with him in his rightful position as Servant to All. Marx died of bronchitis on March 14, 1883[citation needed].
Bonaparte, now having changed his name to the ever-so-slightly less dignified Napoleon, set about writing down all the reasons he should be bourgeoisie - in the the blood of 100,000 men, women and children. He then wrote a biography of his experiences, dedicated to his foe Marx, entitled 'The Direct Approach is the Best Approach'. Bonaparte's current whereabouts are unknown.
