Bowling Green State University
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Bowling Green State University is a mid-level institute of higher education, located conveniently in The Bible Belt. It was founded in 1996 by goth kids who wanted to live next to a cemetary, and is mostly known for constant fundraising to improve the level of the president's income. They specialize in preparing students for fast-food work, and offer many unique classes on the subject of stocking shelves, salting fries, and oddly enough, basket weaving. When you attend a school with the word "Bowling" in the name, you know it must be quality. Most students that enroll at BGSU missread the name and thought it to be Rolling Green, thus many hippie stoners enrich the University.
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[edit] Student Life
Life as a student at Bowling Green State University can essentially be described as frantically struggling to join as many clubs and groups as you can, so that you can post in your livejournal about how busy you are. You won't get very far at this institution unless you are:
- An idiot fratboy
- A glomping anime nerd
- A rich kid with no priorities
- An art student with no future.
Having said that, it is worth noting that the campus of BGSU has a giant cemetery in the middle of it, conveniently located across from Olscamp hall. For the necrophiliac / graverobber / emo kid in you, the gates are rarely locked, but beware of the goths taking midnight walks to write really bad poetry to post on MySpace. Chances are, if you are an emo, and you encounter a goth, there will be a snap fight, followed by full-blown fisticuffs.
If you get hungry, feel free to stop by the plethora of disgusting dining halls that BGSU has to offer. One of the most popular is The Falcon's Nest at the Student Union, a stand-in-line style dining experience that will leave you choking for more. They offer such delightful and decadent creations as "Slimy BBQ Chicken Pizza", and "Subs made on bread that we left out overnight" or, if you're sort of elitist and snobby, they even offer "Smoothies made by people who haven't washed their hands", for the low price of $4.99 for a 24oz. The Falcon's Nest is a great place to meet new people, step over mysterious stains on the floor, and eventually toss the whole mess and go to the arcade.
[edit] The Union Arcade
Do not go to the Union Arcade and play Virtua Tennis. It is a lonely life of being humiliated, and eventually drummed out of the community. The room is small, and usually very loud, due to the Dance Dance Revolution machine, which is a game that lets you try and nail jive suckas by blasting them with your hot moves, then invading their countries to install a dictatorship and kill off most of the proletariat. If you are a visitor seeking a challenge, you'd better recognize, fool.
But the arcade isn't just about challenging people, it's about drama, and lots of it! If you are a dramatic person, someone with a lot of emotional baggage, or just someone who likes to fill seats all day and chit-chat about how awesome Japan is, and how everyone should be just like them, and must worship annoying whiny J-POP idols, you will be welcomed!
[edit] Academics
Relatively non-existant. There are a handful of Philosophy classes and Math classes, mostly taught by "professors" who speak only enough English to read powerpoint slides. Being located in Ohio, BGSU is well-known for preparing thousands of bright-eyed students for useful careers in the field of moisture farming. If one were to score well enough on the SATs, it is possible to transfer to the higher and more popular School of Chicken Farming. BGSU also offers art classes, where they will be more than happy to teach you how to be snotty, elitist, and no less than 90% full of yourself. You can learn how to draw pictures of rusty pipes, take photographs of rusty pipes, make sculptures of people out of rusty pipes, and how to avoid people chasing you with rusty pipes.
[edit] Athletics
I believe there's a stadium or something on campus. BGSU has a foosball team called The Foghats, who have a constant rivalry going with the Toledo University team, The Rockettes. Joining The Foghats as a player assures you a 3.0 GPA.
Worth noting: The famous Hockey player Scott Hamilton attended BGSU, as well as Brian Griffin from Family Guy (He roomed with Scott Hamilton, nothing happened.) Brian Griffin was on the Tennis team, and made history in being the first dog in history to be admitted to an institution of higher learning. Only at Bowling Green State University could a dog be admitted.
Hockey is king at Bowling Green with a 1984 Championship. Unfortunate for Falcon fans they still believe that they have a chance at being good.
[edit] Parking
Commuter students at BGSU have the distinct pleasure of being treated like the scum of the Earth. Most parking spaces are centrally located no more than 5 miles away from campus, and it is not uncommon for the university to issue 18,000 commuter parking passes for their 15,000 commuter parking spaces. Give yourself some extra time in the morning, and try and reassure yourself that the extra walking will be good for you.
