Bowling for Soup
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“Yeah, sure; I guess I'd go bowling for soup . . . I'd prefer bowling for money, but, hey--beggars can't be choosers. Am I right? Am I right?”
~ some bum in New York on Bowling For Soup
“Who the hell is that?”
~ Metallica, AC/DC, Motley Crue, and Nirvana on Bowling For Soup
“They mentioned me in a song. They shall be spared.”
~ Chuck Norris on Bowling For Soup
“B****Y boy bands these days. to loud”
~ an old granny who likes to fart on bowling for soup
Bowling For Soup (pronounced bowel-ing) is a highly successful and extremely popular band of the '30s, '50s, and '50.5s. They made a surprise come back at the '70s. They are part of the genre of music that has been extremely successful since it's outbreak in the early '90s: Alternative Classic Country Techno Jazz Pop Rock Big-Band-Swing.Their latest album is a blues album although they claim it to be death metal. Band members include Jarrett Riddick, Gary the Drummer, Mozart, Steven Colbert, and the Big Bald Guy With The Guitar.
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[edit] History
Bowling for Soup was first started in August, 1994 by Jarrett Riddick, the vocals, and his life-long friend Beethoven, the keyboarder. Jarrett used to be in the band Metallica, but left due to a difference in opinion with the rest of the group (apparently, they didn't want a deaf man named Beethoven playing a keyboard). Jarrett and Mozart's original band name was "Chain-smoking Howitzers", but was later changed to Bowling For Soup after the two men were forced to do exactly that when they left for New York to make it big and instead only got poorer than they were already. The two tried their best to hit the big-time as a two-man band, but this failed miserably--epecially since Mozart was deaf and didn't learn to play the synthesizer until 1998.
As time went by, the two moved to California where they met the former Burt Stevens, who had recently changed his name to Big Bald Guy With the Guitar. Due to a bizarre fishing accident, his guitar had become permanently fused to his hands, leading to a life deprived of masturbation, but prvoided insanely great skills at guitar. He heard the duo's music at Fishin' Gala '95 and hopped on the stage to help the guys out. After their gig, they got Big Bald guy to join their slowly-growing "band".
Later, at a show in China, the three members met Gary the Drummer who had accidentally been left there after his family had fled the country because of complications with the Chinese legal system. The three rescued him from angry, communistic Chinese radicals and Gary, indebted to their charity, agreed to join their band.
The final member came when the now-four-member band was back in California to play their small-time hit And The Monk Said To The Hotdog Vender (Make Me One With Everything) . While there, Steven Colbert was out scouting and heard them playing. He liked the lyrics and the drumming and said that the keyboarding was "okay," but insisted that the guitar left a lot to be desired. So he got his insanely great guitar he called "Commie-buster" and joined the band. He now leads the group with face-melting guitar solos.
[edit] Hits
Their claim-to-fame was their extremely popular song 1455. The song was modeled after everyday life in the middle 1400s, and included such things as guillotines, dragons, knights, and how bagpipes were still located in Iraq (look it up--that's really where they originated). The song focused mostly on how an older queen keeps reminiscing about how much fun she'd had when she was a teenage princess in the previous decade. Critics hated it, but the fans loved it like a retarded sibling they have total pity for.
Their next big break came with the song Ohio (Come Back To West Virginia). The song told the story of how the lead singer's girlfriend ran off to Cleveland with some guy named Leland that she met at the bank, and how he wants her to come back to West Virginia. The lyrics include bribes for her to come back, telling of things she must be missing: copperheads, moonshine, skunks, and the great-but-fake Spanish food. The West Virginians loved the song because of how true it really was.
[edit] Accomplishments
They've recently been nominated for Best Motivational Band at the grammies with their song entitled Get The Hell Outta New Orleans Before The Hurricane Hits (Don't stay for Your TV). They've also won the award for Best Band Ever--Period.
Bowling for Soup has officially been nominated "Thebestbandeverfornosenseofhumorwhatsoever!" They were quite surprised during an interview when several MTV [channel that shows stupid rich kids complaining about life] interviewers told them of this. They simply stated, "We thought saying penises and dirty twats was very funny, boy were we ever wrong."
