Bowser

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Bowser and his children, The Kooplings, at the time he is going to demonstrate a royal beating on Roy.

King Gary Francis Bowser-Koopa (July 4, 1776-Jsnuary 20, 2999) is Morton Koopa Senior's illegitimate son.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Bowser.

1 Birth and Early Life
2 Mushroom Kingdom Wars
3 Currently
4 The Stopping of Mario
5 Religion
6 Trivia
7 Death
8 Rebirth & friendships
9 Bowser Sez
10 See Also

[edit] Birth and Early Life

Born after Morton Koopa Senior met a beautiful komodo dragon in New Zealand shortly after completely destroying Atlantis. Bowser's mother kept his father's identity a secret for the first ten years of his life, but on his eleventh birthday, a young Bowser saw his father for the first time with Mario's father. He is obsessed with fucking Luigi. Bowser then had his tits removed.

[edit] Mushroom Kingdom Wars

Bowser has been obsessed with following in his father's footsteps so he decided to conquer Mushroom Kingdom using an army consisting of turtles possessed mushrooms and wmdp (weapons of mass destruction pie).

After creating death and turmoil for countless years, Bowser's emotional state was a wreck. Bowser decided to work on his love life, and attempted raping Princess Toadstool, Peach on several occasions. Bowser ended up raping Yoshis and lizards to death in desperation, creating Bowser's many children. Bowser has over 20 children, including the koopa kids and Bowser Jr. Bowser Jr., wondering where he came from, asked his father who his mother was. Honmouseover="score-=1"ly was "Peach."

[edit] Currently

Most people think he now hides some where in Southside Chicago, where he is gathering a "movement" group. The name of his "group" is supposedly called "Da Koopa Troopaz" and can be seen taking large amounts of Red and white Mushrooms, and the rarer 1-up mushrooms.The Da Koopa Troopaz original plan is to skull fuck mario and gang bang the shit out princess peach and take over the mushroom kingdom,where bowser will rule and make princess peach his queen bitch forever with mario and luigi as his servants. Bowser also enjoys taking anal, especially if he is given a segment of edam cheese in return, but it must be cut at an angle of 67 degrees and presented by a Norwegian Gimp, whom he will proceed to whip and puke profusely on, after eating the said cheese.

[edit] Kidnapping of Princess Peach

He is also wanted for the kidnapping of the famous Princess Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom. He has many reasons for kidnapping Peach, such as hoping to take over the Mushroom Kingdom as a stepping stone in his dream of conquering the world. However, the biggest reason is that he is very lonely. After kidnapping Peach, he is said to have 69ed her multiple times, but because peach has the bitching power of 1,000,000 house wifes, she was always on top. Of course, the primary goal of realistic sex (besides pleasure) is to produce offspring. Bowser Jr. has confessed that Peach was his mother. It is unknown if his other children were produced with Princess Peach, but it is the primary point being the Koopaling Theory. A cliche on Super Mario 69 features that incident and is very pornographic.

[edit] Family Life

Bowser has eight kids. All adopted. Eight in all. That's quite a lot. It is not clear how he got them all, but Julian Clary claims to have seen him in New Orleans one day. "Yeah, he was really sexy," he said, "he drank a lot and did it with a lot of people. Unfortunately he wasn't drunk enough to get it on with me." Bowser was planned to help out during Hurricane Katrina, the storm in New Orleans supposedly caused by Bert, but decided not to in fear he may run into many of his kids' mothers there. When asked why he didn't sleep with clary, he replied "I don't wanna touch anything K-Fed touched or I can turn into a sissy" Upon hearing this K-Fed committed suicide.

[edit] Production Work

In 2002, he produced Dr.Phil's syndicated daily TV show, Dr. Shit, produced by Bowser's Koopa Studios. He got fired because his bratty koopalings destroyed some equipment in 2005. He then decided to do RV for 2006, but he killed too many actors in the RV crashing scenes. He killed the director for firing him. He then decided to take over Barney and Friends, but he gassed the kids when he farted and again got fired. Finally in 2007, he got a role in Mr. Bowser's Holiday, but he wasn`t stupid enough so it was changed to Mr. Bean's Holiday. Eventually, Bowser finally got some roles in 2008, To play as Shrek in Shrek goes porn, then Sir Fatass Hatt for Thomas the tank engine, next Famiy Gay, The Wimpsons, Herbie gets peed on, and last but not least in March, the Harbor master in Theodore tugboat. He excepted Shrek goes porn, but he was fired for farting at the wrong time, and taught his baby ogres to say Fuck and Shit. Next, he tried out for Sir Fatass Hatt for Thomas and friends, but he was the one causing confusion and delay, including: Percy to set himself on fire, making Thomas and Emily say: "Oh my god, you killed Percy! You fucking bastard!" making him get kicked out. Next he tried playing as stewie griffin while the original was sick, so when Lois picked him up he was too heavy and peed on Lois' shirt. Next, the Simpsons, changing it to the Wimpsons, because everybody was a wimp for him. Next, for the 7th movie for the Love Bug series, Herbie dies, but changing it to Herbie gets peed on, since Dean Jones came in and ruin Herbie when he tried using his pee as fuel. Later, he decided to be The Harbor Master and became a success until December 2009, when he got remaried and had sex for another koopaling and named him Jack ASS, and he sure was, and ruined the whole office, and Bowser beat his ass while filming. Of course, he got fired, but tried out for Feburary 2010 for the James Bond movie that Waluigi died in. He accidently shot the Director's Penis and of course, got fired. So he made his own shows and movies with partners: Shows: Family Kid with Seth Macfarlane North Park with Matt Stone and Trey Parker Jesus and pals with himself Spongebob Fucked-Up Pants with Roy Stupid Mario brothers with all his kids except Roy, for peeing on Bowser's robot. Movies: Dr. Shit pees, but does not shit Pee-Pee Lulu North Park: Taller, Fatter, and Extra Uncut with Matt Stone and Trey Parker.

[edit] War in the Piranha Kingdom

He Currently has a war with the Piranha Kingdom. Petey Piranha has declared "It is a holy jihad. Jihad, is that how you spell it? I always thought it was with 2 i's. Oh well, death to Bowser anyways. However Bowser Koopa shot Petey several times with a machine gun which killed his rival. He is also the puppetmaster behind Dick Cheney, George W. Bush, and the entire Bush administration along with Jimbo Wales and Vince McMahon as a plot to make Americans vote for Bowser in the next election after Americans got sick of stupid humans screwing up the country. He will have Jimbo Wales serve as Vice President(as part of losing a bet that Richard Simmons would turn straight, just goes to show how brillaint Jimbo Wales is, since he thought he could) and Vince McMahon as the Secretary of Defense(in which McMahon has stated that the first thing he will do is hire a bunch of stupid divas who know nothing about politics and fire anyone who knows anything, just like he does in the WWE)Bowser's next plan would be to shoot nukes all over the globe unless all nations surrendered to him and recognized him as the official Emperor of the World. However Bowser and Jimbo Wales have been at it ever since Wales banned Bowser's account on Wikipedia due to Bowser telling the truth about Bush in order to help his own campaign early. However Wales thought is was too soon and could ruin everything so he blocked Bowser's account. Bowser, pissed beyond belief, then began attacking and telling all the truths in the world on Wikipedia in order to make Wales appear like a traitor, however Wales blocked his IP address for 6 months and banned all of Bowser's accounts. This split up the axis of evil into two factions, one backing Bowser and the other backing Wales. Recently Bowser has joined up with Uncyclopedia in order to reward them with the fine job they are doing, except occasionally spreading lies on here, but he fixed that(He am not bisexual dumbasses, that was a stupid rumor. Jimbo Wales however is, although he mostly leans towards males). However, after Bert's capture in Canada recently after he was caught with child pornography, he gave up Wales's location and Wales shot himself in his cave, making Bowser the official leader of the Axis of Evil.

[edit] The Stopping of Mario

Bowser about to throw one of those balls from SMW at Mario for raping Peach.

Bowser actually did good once after stopping Mario from raping Princess Peach. Mario was on drug problems, and sometimes he would do mushrooms, smoke, drink beer, do heroin, smoke, ecstasy, smoke, cocaine, and smoke at the same time; Mario wouldn't die cause he has super powers. Mario was an addict of many drugs. While on Drugs mario goes to Peach's castle to rape her. Peach tried desperately to stop him, but Mario wouldn't stop. Bowser just wanted to visit Peach so he can have sex with her but came in to see what was happening. Bowser told Mario to not rape Peach. After a long 3 hour talk, Mario agreed to stop. Mario actually lied and continued to rape Peach, every time he did drugs. This continued on for about 2 weeks and Peach couldn't handle it anymore. Bowser finally stopped Mario when Bowser beat the crap outta him. Afterwards Peach was thankful and had sex with Bowser,but it wouldnt be long and mario would get out of the hospital,and when he did he hired the mexican mofia to kick Bowser's ass.Half the men hired were killed but they did allow enough time for mario to sneak in rape Princess Peach and supposely "rescue" her,he never did though he just took her back to his place and kept rapeing her

[edit] Religion

Bowser is a Buddhist, in fact, his great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great- etc. grandfather invented Buddhism.

[edit] Trivia

Nidoking evolves into Bowser with the Moon Stone in Pokemon Blue and Pokemon Red. He made a triumphant return in Pokemon Diamond and Pearl as the evolved form of Heatran.

Was considered the role of Willy Wonka in the remake of Charlie & The Chocolate Factory but was beaten by Johnny Depp. Unfortunately, Bowser then killed Johnny Depp by farting in his mouth after eating a burrito.

Bowser is the REAL reason Elvis died. But they don't want you to know.

Bowser once fought Yurtle the Turtle over a stack of pancakes, however the Cat in the Hat came along and stole them. Shortly afterwards the Cat was beaten up by Mario. Infuriated at Mario for stealing his baby's mama and his breakfast, he swore to kill him.

[edit] Death

And this is why you don't give bowser opium, then try to tell him there is no cake at the end of portal.

June 23, 2077 - Bowser died from air deprivation after unleashing the biggest event horizon in history. The fumes were so thick and horrid, that it overpowered the air and caused everyone within a 8 thousand mile radius to die almost instantly. Every imaginable race in his army went extinct as a result.

[edit] Rebirth & friendships

Ganon, Bowser's long time friend & best buddy, decided to come & release Bowser (from... death), about 100 years after being trapped by Link & his gang. After catching up for a while, they went back to their jobs. Mario apparently stopped doing drugs at that time (It's true, surprisingly), but not Princess Peach. Bowser & Ganon still hook up every once in a while to double team Peach, & sometimes with Zelda just for the simple pleasure of orgies, threesomes, & trading vaginas with each other.

[edit] Bowser Sez

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"What's with that yellow Mario dude?"
"I will own you in tennis if you don't stop!"
"Spaghetti...? The fuck?"
"Toastuhs...? The FUCK?"
"Yes, I lost to Weegee. I thought he was Luigi! Making a mistake like that nearly cost me my life... Fortunately Weegee was dumb enough to toss me into a pile of snow. But wait... The only time he was only dumb was before he started his life of demonic-ness... Aw, shit, I guess I'm responsible for turning him evil."
"I'm IMMUNE to fire flowers, damn it! How do you think I captured Malleo in the first place?!"
"Oh... shit, star power. This is why I don't have stars in my lair! I was never here."
"Man... That Daisy has a nice ass."
"For the last time! I got my fucking body takin' over by a witch! I DID NOT GET A SEX CHANGE! But I did enjoy having boobs..."
"Ok, first the Elf Dude, now that Blue... Shark thing? Mario has some f*cked up friends. I better get to know that Robotnik dude before I get owned again..."
"I just wonder what Ganon's up to..."
" Ee, peesh dika oko agh, GAY? Tokegeyika oko TEE HEE HEE, TEE HEE HEE."
"Doan, dash nebitayoto, GAY? Tagei Tagei toisch deshemy! GAY? GAY?"
"I've been in Nairobi for 2 weeks lookin' for this god damn Adobe, now tell me kid, WHERE THE FUCK IS IT?"
"Hey, Peach, can I get ya MSN name?"
"That Dino-Twerp is eating me out of house and HOOOOOME!"
"Yeah, really. GAY, Luigi?"
"That's right, Peach... Suck it..."
"Oh, wait, you're Daisy."
"..."
"SUCK IT ANYWAY!"
"Nah, nah, on second though, turn around. And bend over."
"God... Hotels... What the fuck was I thinking...?"
"Oh, THAT'S right. I wanted hotels to keep all my bitches in... Of course. ...Wait, so why was WENDY in charge of one? ...O_O"
"CACKLETTA? I did not see that coming."