Boy

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Boys can sometimes make great pets, but warning: Get a strong cage!

Boys are a sub-species of girls in the order of children.

“They have sweet young bodies”

~ Baron Harkonenn on underage boys

“Come here...”

~ Michael Jackson on boys

“Unlike girls they're worth not killing as infants”

~ Chinese families on boys

“I remember when I was one”

~ Rosie O'Donnell on being a boy

“Mah Boy!”

~ The King of Hyrule on Link

The boy is a type of child made from a faulty chemical Y, although we tell them they’re made out of “snips, snails, and puppy-dog tales” because we don’t want them to know the extent of the damage (works like a charm!). They would be completely useless, but when they grow up (most) become men, which are needed for sex. Boys by themselves don’t amount to much though, and are actually just a mutated sub-species of girls.

1 Hazards
- 1.1 Fighting
- 1.2 Farting
2 Design Flaw or Genius?
3 Uses
4 Boys Can Also Be One of the following:
5 Facts on Boys

[edit] Hazards

They might seem cute but watch out! Like any child they come pre-made with built in tantrum, and spring loaded hyper frenzy, batteries included…but unlike the more user-friendly Girl model, the boy is ten times more hazardous. Apparently many are being recalled for faulty wiring that has resulted in everything from injury to explosion.

Boys think they are badass, but really they are just idiots. This is contrary to girls, who are mature but pure evil.

Once you get a boy they immediately begin their war path on your home. Many of the problems associated with girls have been seen to be magnified in boys. As girls can be messy at times, boys seem only comfortable when covered in mud. Boys need special underwear which they often wear on their heads. They invented skidmarks and smelly socks. In fact, boys emit a nasty smell that will funkify everything they come in contact with, it's kind of like sweat mixed with bad breath, but only more potent. They loose their shoes in the backyard and don’t care. They will break everything you own, and unlike girls, keep doing it. Whereas a girl is likely to cry and get all "emotional" at the sight of road kill, most like a boy will prod it and laugh his head off. They turn everything into a gun or a sword and go on rampages. Be warned.

Trust us on this one.

[edit] Fighting

Boys have a habit of fighting anything they see, which is why they need to be pacified by video games, because otherwise they’d be beating each other up for absolutely no reason. Despite this, 80% of the time they are easily defeated by a girl. The other 20% of the time they are still defeated by a girl, but it isn’t as easy.

[edit] Farting

Boys love the sport of champions!

Boys fart…a lot. They love farts and everything about them, and often learn things better if farts can be tied into the topic. They get practically anesthetized by the Fart Button until they get carpol tunnel by pressing it, or they pass out from lack of oxygen to the brain during endless bouts of laughter. Other than this sometimes they'll completely short circuit and be stricken with an endless and uncontrollable armpit fart production. One of the first skills a boy learns is burping the alphabet, which he will often spend many hours doing for no particular purpose. In fact, boys do most of their communication through burps and grunts, which is why girls can't understand them until after puberty. On top of this, hygiene is unknown to boys and good manners can be impossible to teach them. They pick it up later because they want to attract girls, who are more mature.

So be on your guard at all times.

[edit] Design Flaw or Genius?

the TRUTH.

They are many times more accident prone, not by design flaw, but because they just do more dangerous things not realizing it; like climbing on dead tree branches, jumping pot holes on bicycles, trying to spin in mid air on a skateboard without helmet or pads, trying to fly off roof, kicking bee hives, fighting anything they see (for starters), ramming RC trucks into people's feet, running while holding scissors, and the most fatal: peeing while standing up.

For all these reasons, boys come with a Surgeon General's warning stamped on their butt, recommending they wear helmets all the time for protection.

Boys are either really shallow, or they are super geniuses. There is no in between range as there is with girls. However, boys of all IQs can be jerks. The boy begins to go down hill when he realizes his tool give him special powers (that only he can see and use), then he starts becoming useless to everything else. “Chronic Debilitating Boy Syndrome” predicts a boy’s downward mental spiral, and it starts young, usually by middle school, and there is no cure (yet).

Some argue these are design flaws, while some say that without these flaws boys would just be girls. Which they will be, when Y is taken off the market.

[edit] Uses

Official magazine of NAMBLA.

Despite all these things, boys are the preferred children in many parts of the world because, unlike girls, they are much cooler. Michael Jackson, president of SCAMBLA, is a well-known boy aficionado. Boys make great pets for many societies, although their ability to be house trained is very limited. Boys can sometimes be a dime a dozen when they're kids, so girls usually use them as toys. In fact, every girl should own one.

[edit] Coolness

Boys exude coolness (along with a typical rancid odor) and end up ruling the world! (in their own heads at least) Most likely, girls end up ruling the real world, and they kind of just beat each other up on World of Warcraft.

Boys are so much more cooler in fact, because you know what? In the end, t'sall good. Being a boy automatically makes you cool. So high five!

[edit] Predators

The boy is the main source of consumption for the adult male egyptian. They are killed by means of anal rape. It is claimed that the egyptian males use boys as practice victims before they obtain a female partner. The more accepted truth is that the egyptian has an affinity for the feces which boys produce.

[edit] Boy Recipes

Snips, Snails, Puppy dog tails. Rain and snow, Sleet and hail. Mix them together to make a girl's toy, Mix them together to make a boy.

Rakes, Rails, Pirate ship sails. Lighting and thunder, A dragon's scale. Mix them together to make a girl's joy, Mix them together to make a boy.

These three elements can be combined to create a boy or distilled from an already existing one. Distillation of boys into their pure elemental parts is the major industry of Myanmar. It is rumored that a mythical object called a "snip" can be distilled in place of a snake through the use of alchemical theory, but such an occurrence has rarely been officially recorded.

[edit] Boys Can Also Be One of the following:

A small, buoyant marker respected by mariners despite being often not half the size of a man; when his mind is not on the sea, he's most likely busily trying to attract gulls

Small, cylindrical objects composed of moss, lint and fluff. The cylindrical type come in 9 flavours including:
Someone whose name you invoke when the going gets tough (oh boy! why me!)
Synonym fer idiot.

boys can be smely

[edit] Facts on Boys

Boys will be Boys, and girls will be annoyed by them.
Boys are useless.
Michael Jackson likes boys
Boys think they run the world. They don't...until they become men.
Boys have balls (Which makes them think they have everything).
They pay attention only when they want to or not at all.
Boys are preferred children in most countries of the world, simply because parents don't want to deal with teenage pregnancies.
Boys created the deffinition of the word "perversion."
Boys love Lesbians, except for those boys that love Gays. Some boys love both. Some boys love plants.
Boys have very messy boy's bedrooms.
Boys hate girls until they become teenage boys, at which point, they will do anything, no matter how humiliating, degrading, or generally effeminate, in order to have sex with one. It's actually funny, and kind of sad, to watch, because both the boy and girl know the sex won't happen, but the boy doesn't give up hope. Moral of the story? Puberty is an awkward time.