Bright red paper
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Bright Red Paper is an experimental rock band. They had 4.5 members originally, the front man, Lobster Jesus, on the Cello, Bill Cosby on Air Guitar, Fatty Arbuckle (lookalike) on cowbell and GI Joe on Bass guitar. The half person was Elijah Wood, who played the pan flute, but he was killed in a freak knitting accident. They play Del Crappo music, which is so good nobody gets it except for Al Gore, who, coincidentally, has a chronic addiction to pot.
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[edit] Band History
In the 1600's they moved to Portland where Lobster Jesus decended into Heaven (He decended because Portland is on a higher plane of existence than Heaven). In the 90's, after attending Bitchfest they decided to follow suit with a majority of the bands there and become Emo. They still played the same tunes that they did, but now Doug Jenkins (who was literally formed when Lobster Jesus and a Cardboard Box merged creating the super being that is Doug) screams randomly and wears girl pants.
[edit] Band Politics
After the loss of Lobster Jesus the band became increasingly more communist. Doug Jenkins was mostly responsible for this. When not playing music he could be seen in Portland spreading commie propaganda, even posing as a teacher to infect childrens' minds. Since Doug was from the heavily communist hellhole we now know as Hawaii, all this was to be accpected. Since being a communist isn't very profitable, though, the band fell back on to the communist sub-culture of "hippies" (A communist who smokes pot and doesn't work) after their first big hit.
[edit] Discography
- "In Soviet Russia"
- "Brown Notes by the Reds"
- "How Do You Count to Cheese, Comrade?"
- "Footnotes to the 3rd Movement of Adolf Ray"
- "Pastry Sex"
- "(.)(.)"
- "(.)(.) Unplugged"
- "(.)(.) Live"
- "(.)(.) Dance Remix"
- "(.)(.) SACD 5.1 Surround-Sound Edition"
- "(.)(.) 20th Aniversary Tour"
- "[.][.]" (The Sequel)
- "Die Die Die Die Die Die (Die Die Die Die Die)"
[edit] The (.)(.) Album
At the height of their career, Bright Red Paper released the world famous "(.)(.)" album. This became an instant rock classic, with 1.2 billion albums sold in just 2 seconds after its release, to be fair, however, most of the albums were bought by stoner hippies who already had two or three copies and forgot. It included such classics as "Dorian Rhapsody", "Stairway Down to Heaven", "Shoot Me...I'm a Cellist", "Comfortably Sedated" and, of course, "(.)(.)". Much like Led Zeppelin IV, it is argued how to pronounce the name of The (.)(.) Album. At first glance, it looks like "Left-Parenthesis Period Right-Parenthesis Left-Parenthesis Period Right-Parenthesis". Many fans, however, call it "The Red Album", but this is what they also call every other one of BRP's albums. When Doug Jenkins was interviewed by the New York Times and asked about the pronunciation he responded, "How the fuck should I know?! We were baked off our asses when we had the concept, wrote it, recorded it, drew the box art and promoted it!"
[edit] Collaborations
After the popularity of "(.)(.)" the band released several different versions of this album including a 20th anniversary album. Many other popular/unpopular bands played BRP's songs with them on that album. These bands included:
- Anal Cunt
- Metallica
- Mettallicova (Russia's all female version of Metallica)
- The Cranberries
- Led Zeppelin
- KISS
- The Electric Amish
- Special Guests, 3 Inches of Blood
The Live version of "(.)(.)" was recorded entirely in God's Ass, Nevada, during the hippie connvention that takes place every once in a while there. During that hippie fest more then 200,000 people showed up, and most of them stayed because they lost their car keys. Since this was Lobster Jesus' home town he decided to make a special appearance and play "Dueling Banjos" with Doug Jenkins, only they both used cellos.
[edit] Band Reviews
"That is the fucking brightest paper I have ever seen."
- ~Random kitten huffer
"Huh? Who? Where did put my keys...?"
- ~Avid BRP fan from Portland, on a good day.
"They were better when I was in it! Whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop!"
"They are by far the best band ever in the history of mankind."
- ~Doug J... umm... Jeff. Yeah, Doug Jeff... That sounds like a real name.
"This one time, at cello camp..."
- ~Fellow Cello Player
[edit] See Also
Categories: Music | Communists | Hippies
