British-Irish relations
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“British-Irish relations.....I have had a number of them”
~ Oscar Wilde on international peacekeeping
British-Irish relations is the study of the shockingly fu##ed up relationship between the United Kingdom of Great Ireland and the Republic of Britain.
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[edit] History
The history between these two great superpowers goes back a fair long while (around three million years ago, some estimates have it) and begin one day long ago on the windswept isles, when the Irish in the search of lands and rich British fuckers property, decided to invade the sheepish land and no doubt, farm the place. Before an English man, woman or child could say "O, how awful" farmhouses were springing up all over the place, (along with pubs, catholic churches, alcohol, alcohol, alcohol, fighting, greenness, shamrocks, Irish dancing, red hair, alcohol, terrorist organizations, cows, ploughs and............. drunkards.)
No doubt the good ol' English considered this a threat to their culture so they decided to revolt using everything: cricket bats, tennis rackets, Scotsmen, tea & biscuits, meatloaf, coal. But whatever they tried they couldn't get the paddies out, so a fair load of them boarded the spaceship HM Inter-Galactic and settled at the other end of the world, and now make up a vast bulk of the resident population of The Zealand of New. These southern Brits form a flourishing space colony in this far flung land, but remain close to the republic, and Queen Galactica remains head of space.
Meanwhile, in the republic itself things get even worse for the English. Not only have they been invaded by the drunken Irish but now they start plantations and the dreaded evictions initiated by the dreaded Lord Paddy Bromwell (a pretty crap attempt of a parody to Oliver Cromwell). Oh yes, the bad times beset the English and now they all wish they left to join their fellow country men in The Zealand of New.However all the while, their other countrymen, the Welsh and the Scots, think the whole thing is fucking brilliant, (so much for a so called United Kingdom, Divided Kingdom would probably be a better title.).Imagine that,The Divided Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, it's funny coz it's mostly true.
Anyway, after years and years of rule the English decide, "fuck this,why the f##k are we being ruled by paddies?,let's fight them". So anytime from around 1,500,000BC until 1921AD revolt after revolt takes place. Most end in defeat primarily in hurling and gaelic football, drinkfests, irish dancing competitions, knitting shamrocks, and pipe smoking, and leprechaun hunting no doubt, (this is a proud tradition amongst the Irish and continues to this day. In Irish McDonalds the McLeprechaun is a popular meal.)
However, the English had a trick or two up their knitted jumpers. They kicked Irish ass at cricket, table tennis, empire building, baking scones and feeling culturally superior to the rest of the world. All this eventually paid the shilling and the English were granted limited independence in 1921. This effectively means that the Englishman/or maybe woman has the right to an independent vote in an English parliament, without the green boys monitoring their every move. This new independent England came to be know as The English Free State. However, the Irish still held onto Northern England (also known as Scotland) and this part of the country decided to remain within the newly formed United Kingdom of Great Ireland and Northern England, because of their Celtic roots.
As one can well imagine, as a result of all this political mania, relations between the two countries is often strained, (the west coast of northern england almost collapsed from all the tension in 1969, and this proved a decisive year in Northern England). In this year the english republicans started to get well pissed of with the pro-unionist Irish anti-nationalist English attitude of the devolved administration in Celtfast (The capital city of Northern England) and decided to march for their rights.
[edit] 1969 (The Problems)
In 1969, The Problems broke out in Northern England and the ERA (English Republican Army) came into being. The ERA was a northern English gay group intent on turning northern england into a homosexual republic. Their goals were to be achieved through (or through if you're American, Canadian or a citizen of the democratic republic of the former Belgian Congo ((ex-Zaire))), a number of methods, like: paintballing, condom slingshotting at Irish Unionists, public nudist rallies and the occasional male gangbang (the most notorios being the great Celtfast gangbang of 1972).
In aroundabout sometime around approximately 1994 the ERA called a ceasegayness, which lasted for two years, then broke down. then started again, and things are now pretty much like that.
[edit] As a result
As a result of all this relations between the two countries is like a flight in mid-air, "everything seems ok, but you never no what's around the corner", (like rain clouds or a comet).
[edit] Canada - America Comparison
The relationship between the United Kingdom of Great Ireland and Northern England and the Republic of Britain is somewhat similar to that between The United States of Canada and America. Both the United Kingdom of Great Ireland and Northern England and The United States of Canada are far more powerful and influential in world affairs and global politics than their lesser neighbours to the east and south respectively.
