Britney Spears

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The famous Time Magazine cover.

Did you mean: Bitchney Sperms
Google on Britney Spears

“Oh I forgot to tell you Americans since I lied so much just like me husband, Bill told me he knocked up Britney. Oh Noes!”

~ Hillary Clinton on Britney Spears

“Leave Britney alone”

~ Chris crocker on Britney Spears

“A slut ,she is”

~ Yoda on Britney Spears

“I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada”

~ Britney Spears

“Hit me baby, one more time!”

~ Britney Spears

“LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!”

~ A "Tear Eyed" Chris Crocker on Britney Spears

“Holy crap, these are what real issues are?”

~ Gerard Way on Britney Spears

“All she is good for is as a receptacle for my sperm”

~ Oscar Wilde on Britney Spears

“Oh yeah! Oh yeah baby! Oh! Oh! Oh!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Britney Spears

“It is the seventh sign, the seventh seal is broken.”

~ David Koresh on Britney spears

“I like how she looks naked.”

~ George W. Bush on Britney Spears

Britney Spears is a talented American whore and hairdresser, and child role model. Her seductive voice and charming looks infuse her style with true aesthetics. Through her music, Britney communicates messages and feelings powerfully, boldly and convincingly. She has a special gift for energizing, empowering and inspiring the person experiencing her art, so that this person feels involved in the artistic process. Britney's performances are thrilling invitations to a shared emotion, and you can feel her personality immediately next to you with all its multi-layered charm and sophisticated sweetness. Britney's eyes and lips radiate enchanting sincerity and touching warmth which she generously shares with every admirer of her art. Recently, she's gone fucking crazy. She's getting better, though- according to Perez Hilton... hmmm.

[edit] The Finding

After the demise of the The Spice Girls, media bosses agreed that the next big thing should be a 'Relatively Talentless Wholesome All-American Girl Who Says She is a Virgin While Displaying the Morals of a Call Girl in Vegas at 3 AM'. However, the Leaders were in a panic as to where they could find such a creature. After scouring America tirelessly for months on end (and sacrificing several dozen Republicans to Cthulhu), they stumbled upon a goldmine: Britney Can't Touch These Spears. Rumour has it that Spears has her own spear. Also she has speared Bill Gates, John Howard and Gandhi. One thing that we know is she's afraid of stairs.

She along with Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan are known as the 4 whores of the apocalypse, and will with out any doubt bring the end to society if we continue to acknowledge them.

[edit] The Early Spears

Britney had a brief romance with Seinfeld's Jason Alexander. She is shown here partially embedded in his right leg due to a quantum anomaly.(circa 1981)

After a brief stint in gymnastics in her native Louisiana, Britney made a very difficult decision with the help of her mother, a.k.a Attila the Mom. Instead of focusing on her very promising talent as a preteen gymnast, she decided instead to focus on her lack of talent in singing, acting, and trying to live the thug life. Along with Justin Timberlake, she became part of The New Mickey Mouse League, which was based on the World War II Hitler Youth Program. This was an attempt to bombard America with preteen entertainment that was so incredibly lame that it would numb their brains. This would then leave them unable to think, which left them easy prey for hypnotist Karl Rove, who convinced them to vote for his animatronic Disney puppet George W. Bush.

She left the show to focus on her singing and dancing. In a move to turn the younger generation against those pesky lesbian feminists, top lyricists, stylists and publicists were employed by the patriarchal Sony to create the song ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’ and the corresponding film clip directed by Stanley Kubrick, with Britney performing both. The message was successful, with millions of preteen and teenage girls around the world making sexual objects out of themselves in school uniform, and millions of preteen and teenage boys smiling strangely and drinking lots of Cherry Coke, after which they would head down to the nearest preschool to bitch-slap as many toddlers as they could find. This pleased Sony greatly, and Britney’s contract was extended.

Britney Spears first posed nude at age 14 in these photos.

[edit] The Rebellion Against The Lack of Sex And Subsequent Downfall

Britney Seducing Bush to drain his soul, after which she said, "Invade Iraq Now Because I Say So!". http://de.youtube.com/watch?v=tq1Ob6nUl5g

Unfortunately, as the new millennium settled in, things began to go sour. The company was losing money, and Britney had hit post-adolescence and felt the need to have dominating sex as a way of furthering her career. Hello Kitty was rehired as stylist and Kevin Bacon was brought in to give Britney a new look, one that included bondage items and bigger fake breasts. Unfortunately, the lack of clothes did not make up for lack of sales (the advance of the internet meant that teenage boys could look up Brit pr0n without having to buy her discs, and Justin Timberlake had already been seen naked with Tom Cruise). Things were looking grim.

One ray of sunshine was the appearance of "Super Slapper" who only Britney could see. "Super Slapper" taught Britney how to flash her gaping gash to as many reporters as possible and how to suction lift bowling balls from a squatting position. One night this did go wrong and half of the top bowl-a-rama in Louisiana disppeared up Britney's minge never to be seen again. This prompted George W. Bush to declare a state of emergency. It has been claimed that most of the mid-west's tornadoes actually emanate from Britney's cunt.

[edit] The Requisite Re-Rise To Fame

Not only was Britney’s career in shambles, but her love life was too, after a string of boyfriends were found dead with 27 self-inflicted stab wounds and their brains missing. Sony needed to upgrade her to a classier image, and fast. And lo! The knight in shining armour, otherwise known as Cletus McKFed, galloped in valiantly, resplendent in his baseball cap, baggy shorts, socks, sandals, and a body odour that could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon. The relationship, coupled with the release of a greatest hits album and the prospect of a celebrity wedding, fueled Britney’s popularity with the media to heights known not before. Britney then became the eye of the media with her biggest talent EVER: getting knocked up and dropping babies.

Britney got a C-section because the doctors were scared that her vagina would eat the baby. Some time in 2005 or 2006 (nobody really cares), the baby was born. Britney and K-Fed decided to name the baby Stupid Fuckhead, or Sean for short. Several days after the baby was born, Britney repeatedly dropped him on his head, used him as an ash tray, and used him as a douche. Fortunately, little Sean was able to keep an IQ of 0, which is greater than that of both his parents combined. She gained more fame for the pictures of her using her child as an airbag.

[edit] The Birth of Brit-Brit

It was within such a relationship that Britney really grew comfortable with herself. She discovered the joys of activities such as: wearing clothes so alluring that they'd make a bishop kick out a stained glass window; being photographed with (speculative) face cream still drying on her face; shoving her bare feet in paparazzi lenses; putting teenage boys on leashes; smoking excessively; and consuming unbelievable amounts of Cherry Coke, as well as Cheetos and other deep-fried foods. Husband Kevin supported such self-discovery, as he supported his free access to Britney’s cheque book. After many months of eating for two, Britney finally produced a baby of sorts, which she immediately handed to her mother and sister to take care of so that she could resume smoking.

[edit] The Collected Text Messages

On 24th April 2006, Yale University announced one of its most ambitious projects to date, a proposed plan to produce a new 26-volume critical, authoritative, scholarly edition of the text messages of Britney Spears, to replace the original Princeton Edition, which has since become outdated. The project is expected to take at least 40 years to complete and will require the devotion of the complete staff of Yale's language and literature department, who said in a recent press release, "This is a monumental event in world-literature that will be studied for generations to come across the world.".

The first volume (The Complete Text Messages of Britney Spears, Vol. 1) is set to be released worldwide in 2009. It will also contain an appendix of assorted Post-It Notes.

[edit] The Peak of Britney's Career

• She has a dog who's got a dog who's got a dog who is a b*tch!!!

• Her pristine image was first tarnished when home movies and videos taken of her backstage antics as a preteen star on The New Mickey Mouse League were revealed. This were compiled with footage of The Olsen Twins and other preteen stars, and made into the film Preteen Slut VII: The Pedophile Trap.

Amazing what a bit of silicone and face paint can do!

Britney Speares as seen after she decided to become a terrorist. No wonder George W Bush thought she was so cute.

• There have been some rumors that Ms. Spears' image has been augmented by plastic surgery on her just recently discovered penis, whom she secretly named Malcom X. You have to admit, Britney's pears are too big to be real! While it is true that she did meet with plastic surgeon John Lennon, and paid his full fee for a complete top-to-bottom makeover, chances are all he really did was poof up her pubes a little and put some lipstick on her. In retaliation, Britney started cheating on Lennon and playing fun with Elvis (her Persian cat, that is). We will never know for sure; soon after the meeting, the surgeon was seen in public wearing a leash pulled by a smiling Britney. Soon after, the surgeon was found dead, with 27 stab wounds in the back and his brain missing from his skull. Initially ruled a homicide, Ms. Spears was called in as a suspect; however, after the interview with Britney and her two fathers, police as well as the local coronor stopped licking Britney's feet long enough to rule the surgeon's death a suicide. This is when Britney was inspired to write the number one hit "Viva Viagra"

Britney Spears after yet more cosmetic changes, denies she's cashing in on growth in spending power of The Arsonal Sperm Society(A.S.S.)

• More recently Britney Spears has begun to use Bhangra in her songs and rumours abound about a possible role in a Bollywood film.

• Also Britney Spears had several flaminal animals what caught on fire due to the flamible nature of flanel when exposed to a crack pipe.

• Ms. Spears' anatomy is the work of evil genius Beau Scott who's other life accomplishments include Angelina Jolie's lips, Jennifer Lopez's ass, and the M1A2 Tank's size.

• Britney forgot to wear underwear after spending $10,000 on panties. Numerous photos were captured, revealing a semi-deformed clitoris. Many men turned gay. the number of lesbians in the US population dropped a staggering 92.1%

• It has been suggested that Ms. Spears is the leader of an ancient evil secret organization known as the Priory of Simian. The group supposedly draws its power by draining the sinks of over 13 million self-absorbed, glassy eyed, desperately horny trannsvestites. The Ilumnaughty's primary goals are world domination and a smooth complexion. Other notable (but unconfirmed) members include Hilary Duff, Rosie O'Donnell, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Cousin It, Carmen Electra, Ashlee Simpson and Jessica Simpson. Other Conspiracy Theorists maintain this is utter nonsense, and that the group actually draws power by draining the sacs of over 13 million self-absorbed, glassy eyed, desperately horny middle-aged men.

• Britney ate a ten year old girl's toenail at a concert after the girl asked her if her balls were fake. The ten year parents sued Britney and the issue was resolved in under five seconds.

• For 10 weeks she went straight, the longest ever recorded on Google

• Appeared briefly in the relaunch of Crossroads thinking it was a Hollywood film, briefly married to Benny, Carlton TV couldn't pay her enough though and as that was the only reason it kept going for a bit, it ended when she left - the high point was the fight scene with Jane Austen over top billing, it was real but Carlton needed the footage, after winning the fight she was briefly in charge of child pornography. She has now bought up the rights and plans a number of music vidoes including the motel of the series, of course though with gals and guys guyrating skimpily dressed with lots of leather and whips and hides of deceased dogs.

• Recently announced that she was going to be the first ever woman to marry and have sex with every circumsized male in the world.

• After divorcing Fed-Ex, she was caught hitting a car with an umbrella because someone told her to put on some underwear.

• To all you stupid readers out there,you've been duped!!!Britney Spears was part of the Alien Invasion procuct.she's Alien and NOT human!suck it up like boys,u sissy girls!!!Chris Crocker is crooked!

[edit] Divorce

Britney Spears doing a Public Service by taking a homeless man to submit his job application to McDonalds in 2005. He was not hired, but, she married him for a while...

On November 7, 2006, the world reacted with shock at the news that Britney had filed for divorce from Cletus McKfed. Britney had filed papers the day before, but it took a while for CNN to confirm whether or not this was the real Britney Spears.

“There were rumors all the time of their divorce. We weren't sure if it was real this time.”

~ Wolf Blitzer on the credibility of Britney Spears's divorce

“I just got tired of using him as a tool.”

~ Britney Spears on her recent divorce with Kevin Federline

On November 7, it was confirmed by the entire world that K-Fed had become Fed-Ex. Ironically, the ex-Mr. Spears is reportedly working for FedEx, which is weird considering he's never worked a day in his life and never will.

Britney, meanwhile, decided to celebrate being single by demonstating her true upper-class status by hiring Paris Hilton to personally teach her to be slutty. Ms. Hilton's lessons' included flashing her bajingo the paparrazi, a trend which is increasinly popular among female celebrities. She then gained 150lbs, shaved her head, took some pills then checked into rehab. After leaving rehab the following morning, she went to Paris Hilton's dog box and smoked some more weed, then went to Lindsay Lohan's house and got plastered. She has been doing the same thing ever since. Together they co-ordinate their law breaking and other controversy, shaving their heads, holding barefoot Ladies Fight Club in petrol station toilets and exposing themselves in public. Amy Winehouse is reputed to have joined their club!

Little did Britney know, her children we soon to be taken from her evil clutches and given to their caring dad, FedEx. Both parents will now continue to insult and bitch slap each other despite the presence of people from parenting classes, which seems to be failing.

[edit] Future

Britney's next comeback will be even.... bigger?

Britney's last remaining fan.

Britney's plans for her futures is mainly focused on marrying Michael Moore and doing another baby drop escapade along with kissing Audrey Hepburn thus to add to her long time wish of making out with a respected older woman. She then plans to release her new single Oops, I dropped her again. . Britney's baby is reported to enter Prehab along with teen idols Lindsay Lohan and Dakota Fanning. [1]

Britney caused a stir at the 2007 VMAs when she gave live birth during a stunning performance of "Gimmie More Press". No one noticed that she was lip-syncing, nor did they notice the 8 lbs, 2 oz baby boy that fell out of her wet leather purse. However her incredibly sexual kiss with wildwoman Tipper Gore was highly critisized, some stating that she's taken her act one step too far. Sources mention that concerned ex-boyfriend Justin Timberlake and Andre the Giant begged her to stop hanging out with the dangerous party crowd.

After recently appearing in combat gear with a shaved head and pussy there has been major speculation that she is planning to appear on YouTube and myspace in catfights with Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton in a buildup to a sequel to Fight Club staring Rocky. The movie is to be filmed in the psychopath from the Saw movies' private warehouse.

Other possibilities include a remake of "Star Trek - The Motion Picture", as the bald chick. To end the depression, Britney decided to pass the time with plastic surgery and binge eating As evidenced by the above picture. As a fan of Micheal Jackson, it was only natural for her to start the trend. "He looked so... sexy when he had no nose. I wanted to be just like him, unlike SOME people!" As she tears up a picture of her multi-named ex-husband. One month after the surgery, she makes her first public appearance, not realizing she was high and had rat-dung smeared over her face. Lets just say..she wont make it far in life. However, we do know one thing: BRITNEY SPEARS IS A CRAZY BITCH!!!!!! She sucked my cock once - A transexual WHORE! Britney Spears has never been to Deptford.\

the majority of the planet arnt sure if they have slept with britney, a recent poll in the guardian reported.

[edit] Studio albums (1990–present)

One More Time!

1. Sucking K-Fed's Dick and my Pussy is So Hot I Got a Pic
2. Save Me From This Crime (of Making Bad Music)
3. (You Drive) On the Wrong Side of the Road
4. Any Day
5. Yoda's Bop
6. Born to bring a Hell on Earth
7. From the Top of My Shaved Head That is Yet to Come
8. I'll be in the Philippines, Bitches!
9. From the bottom of my broken arse
10. I Will Get a Divorce Right Now
11. Getting You Outta My Noggin'
12. Facebook My Breakdown
13. The Beat Must Stop
14. I Like Sucking Transsexual Whore Cock
15. Hahaha, you think I'm a virgin!

Whoops! I'm Pregnant Again (?)

1. OPPS I FUCM MASTUR ME AGAIN
2. Weaker
3. Stop Ringing My Doorbell, Stalker!
4. Don't Ruin a Good Stones song
5. Forget to Tell Me of Your Infidelity
6. What We Hate is What We, uhhh
7. Luckless Whore
8. A Frencher From You
9. Where the Fuck Are You? I've Been Waiting For like Ever!
10. Can't Get Anyone to Like Me
11. When Your Nose Smells Me (It Says Back Off)
12. Bitch in My Way
13. You're Poor
14. Kidney
15. Hey Mr. Therapy Man Sir...
16. I still cant believe you thought I was a virgin!

Hey! It's My Name, Whatever That Is

1. I'm the Slut W/ UR Babe
2. Underprotective of Kids
3. Stop Being with Me
4. I'm Not a Woman. I've Got no Pussy
5. Poi
6. Waiting for the Man Who Will Never Suit My Needs. MY NEEDS!!
7. Some Cover of a Genre that is More Successful than I am
8. Mulan
9. Don't Rip Off the Beatles' album
10. Craptastic Fucking
11. This is When You Dump Me
12. When I Saw the Help Wanted Sign
13. After the Hello (You Go Away)
14. My Kids Left Me
15. You Could Have it Worse (Ex. What it's Like to Be Britney)
16. Diarrhea, Cha Cha Cha (outro)
17. I've not been a virgin since 12!

Out of My Mind and the World

1. Me Against My Ex and Everyone Else on the Earth
2. Baby go Boom Boom
3. Ho Down!
4. Stop Touching Me
5. Late Sunset
6. Biohazardous Waste (We're Looking at You, Brit)
7. Confucius
8. Tickle of My Feet
9. The Stripper Club
10. Black Thingamabob
11. Cowardly Old Hag
12. What's the Time
13. Infact I plan to de-virgin my daughter at five

Pink in

1. FUCK ME MORE
2. Slice of Your Organs
3. Fuckin' for Tracks (Ft. Barry Manilow & Axl Rose & Shaggy & The blue alien from 5th Element & Elmo)
4. YOU WANT TO FUCK ME
5. Hell on Pluto
6. Lose Your Clothes (Make a Porno)
7. Shave my bajingo (Ft. Rick Astley)
8. Soulja Boy
9. Cold as YO Mama!
10. AAAH! AAAAAAAAA!
11. Loser Husband
12. Why I Can't Keep My Kids (redneck rock)
13. Don't Stop Fucking Me
14. Seriously though, I am not a virgin.

Black Out

1. Old Man River
2. Mammie
3. Oh Lordy (Pick a bail of cotton)
4. Once You Go Black (Your vagina goes slack)
5. Zip-a-dee-do-dah
6. Strange Fruit (Ft. Miley Cyrus)
7. We shall overcome
8. Yessa Massa
9. Oppression Song (Cum on my heart)
10. Shoes Betches (Ft. Madonna and Michael Jackson)
11. Shet Bag Poll Strep (ohhhh)
12. Cant you just imagine a cock being shoved into (My once virgin little pussy)

Dizney Classicz

1. A Cinderella Night (In Paris)
2. Sticky on Micky (The Mousizzle)
3. Peter Panned Me
4. Baby Einsteins (Sexy Remix)
5. I Wanna Be Your Toy (All Up In My Story)
6. My Open Monster (You Incorporate Me)
7. 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney (P. Sherman... harder!)
8. Michael Jackson's Home Alone (Seduction)
9. I'll suck yours if you lick mine (Make it quick, i'm on my period)
10. Mean Girls... Like Plastic
11. The Beat of My Heart
12. How I Was Born (Squeeze It!)
13. I lost my virginity (To a transexual goldfish named Nemo)

[edit] See Also

• Masturbation
• Skinhead
• Darth Maul
• Dark Side
• Kevin Federline
• Lesbian
• Preteen Slut
• Crack Whore
• Pedophilia
• Britney's Spheres
• William Shakespears (brother)
• HowTo:Handle Flashing Your Vagina in Publicnn:Britney Spears