Buckethead
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Buckethead is the leader, founding figure, and messiah of the religion of Bucketheadism. According to the religion, he has supernatural powers of guitar-based combat granted to him by the spirits of fallen chickens which he channels through a religious artifact known as a Kei-Eph-See Ch'kenn Buk'kaht (pronounced: KAE EHFF SEE chi-KEHN boo-KAHT). He has spent, is spending, and will continue to spend all of eternity defending the world and the heavenly realm of Bucketheadland from malicious and destructive robots built by the evil overlord RIAA, a Satan-esque figure.
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[edit] Origin and Early Life
Buckethead was constructed as a human-sized android with the power to transform into a 50-foot-tall giant robot by Colonel Sanders, who was both desperate for companionship, as he had no friends, and a devout fan of mecha anime. The Colonel taught him to love the taste of chicken meat, feeding him on nothing but it from a very early age, and gave Buckethead his first guitar, a soapbox the Colonel made himself, after he showed interest in the instrument at the age of seven. Buckethead began releasing at least 12 albums each year in 30-minute intervals.
Eventually, the Colonel died, and bequeathed Buckethead to a family of farmers, thinking they would treat him well. However, they had long held secret contempt for the Colonel due to his competition with them for chicken sales, and after his death they maltreated Buckethead severely. Despite his non-mecha height of seven feet, he was kept in a tiny chicken coop among chickens and fed only the skin of his dead chicken friends. It was here that he first developed his affinity for chickens, as they became his only friends, and though he continued to eat them he began protecting living chickens from harm at all costs. It was also here that he first discovered his mecha powers, which had previously lain dormant, after viewing a showing of Johnny Sokko and his Flying Robot at a next-door drive-in theatre through a hole in the wall of his coop.
Shortly after discovering these powers, he used them to raze the farm to the ground and escape. Confused, frightened, and full of rage, he fled to a graveyard he had snuck into a few times to play his soapbox guitar in peace. Upon arriving, he found the legendary Ch'kenn Buk'kaht lying in an open grave. Fascinated, he took it from the grave to find its bucket was filled with fried chicken, which he, exhausted from his recent rampage, consumed with vigor. Upon doing so, he was suddenly overtaken with an urge to place the artifact on his head, and immediately felt as if all the spirits of all the dead chickens killed unjustly and in vain were speaking to him through his fingers. He seized his guitar, and played until he fell into the grave, unconscious.
[edit] Rise to Power and Eventual Messiahood/Ascendancy
He was awakened by several townspeople, who were startled to find him lying in the cemetery and at first thought him recently dead. Upon their approach, however, he rose from the grave, causing them all to flee in shock. Unphased, he look around him, and immediately felt like playing the guitar. When he began, he discovered he had acquired incredible skill, and, after playing for several hours, suddenly came upon a lick that was so powerful it destroyed one of the statues in the cemetery. This became the basis for his detailed system of Sonic Arts, a combat system utilizing sound to manifest physical weapons such as lasers and rockets that he would go on to develop to staggering complexity and utilize to battle the many foes he was to face in the future. With his newfound abilities, he was quickly able to generate several hundreds of dollars by busking and purchased a real guitar. He also met a fellow robot named Herbie in an all-nite diner who was to become his lifelong companion and, in some senses, sidekick. Herbie was equipped with sophisticated amplification systems, and Buckethead frequently utilized these systems when doing battle.
He soon traveled to Japan, where Slipdisc was located, in order to better counter Slipdisc's attempts at world destruction. Establishing the most sacred Temple of Deadly Sonic Arts as a gigantic chicken coop on Mt. Fuji, he began training day and night to improve his abilities, refusing to allow Slipdisc to gain the upper hand. Eventually, his powers grew so great that he was able to summon a sentient robot army known as the Bucketbots. These robots helped Buckethead extensively in his quest to stop Slipdisc, and after a short period of time raised the heavenly realm known as Bucketheadland, praised as a "true wonderland of joy" by Buckethead's followers. Bucketheadland, a giant, constantly-changing theme park where Buckethead was free to express himself and play his guitar in all manner of fantastic settings, immediately became a place of pilgramage and congregation for Bucketheadists, who gather at the park in hordes year-round to celebrate and praise their god, as well as to ride the many bizarre, amazing, and frequently dangerous attractions the park has to offer.
[edit] Recent Events
In 2101, Jesus became aggravated with Buckethead for encroaching on what he saw as his personal messiah-based turf. He eventually sued Buckethead, resulting in the famous case Buckethead vs. Jesus. This case eventually went to the Supreme Court, who ruled that Jesus and Buckethead should engage in mortal kombat to decide the case's victor. After fighting for several weeks, both grew bored and left, though they continue to meet in Jerusalem once a year to do battle in the case that one has become powerful enough to defeat the other. Mohammed has also considered legal action against both Jesus and Buckethead, but has yet to file suit against either of them.
Though Bucketheadland staff denies it, the Bucketheadland ferris wheel recently went berserk and escaped the park, rolling into the Sea of Japan after being sighted by thousands of bystanders and several major news outlets.
Slipdisc's Protomechototobot was the most recent robot to be defeated by Buckethead, and was the first that required utilization of Bucketheadland's special ability to convert itself into a giant robot fifty times larger than Buckethead in his giant robot form.
No one really knows, but Buckethead is a hardcore fan of John Frusciante.
Buckethead recently defeated Mecha Godzilla in Tokyo. Unfortunately, he decided the victory was the perfect time for a wicked fast guitar solo containing as many notes as pregnancies Paris Hilton has aborted. As we all know, every time he plays a note, the sonic waves cause whole buildings to collapse, streets to buckle and split, and vehicles to fly around like toys. The result was disastrous, catastrophic, sexy, and devastating to the people of Japan. But nobody cares about them, and neither does Buckethead, so he left.
Many people think that Buckethead dose not have a face under his mask but it has been proven by the Children of the truth that Buckethead is indeed really......
[edit] Discography
- Are You Going To Buy My First Album? (No one knows for sure when this album was made. Its been in existence ever since recorded history)
- 30 + 12 = 42 (502 B.C.)
- Trapped in the Coop (203 A.D.)
- Buckethead Plays Every Song Ever Written (1784)
- I Can Play For 3 Days Straight, And I'll Prove It! (1832)
- What Does The Red Button Do? Lol, n00b! (1989)
- Eternal Sunshine Forever (A Tribute To William Hung) (1990)
- In Bread Mountain (A Tribute To Wonderbread) (1993)
- LET ME SHOW YOU MY POKEMANS!! (1992)
- I Are Serious Cat. This Is Serious Album (1994)
- Slunk Slab: An Instrumental A Capella (1997)
- 12th album (2000)
- 18 Songs I Wrote On My Way To The Studio This Morning (2003)
[edit] 9/11 Attacks
Buckethead was believed to have been the cause of the planes crashing into the WTC's on 9/11. The most popular theory, according to Me is that there was no hi-jacking of planes, Buckethead simply waited in a nearby building for planes to come, then he would melt the brains of the pilots with his four finger tapping, then he would stop their hearts instantly with his Killswitch.
No one knows why Buckethead would do such a thing. Consequently, it is believed that the perpetrator was not actually Buckethead, but really Martha Stewart.
