Bukkake Wars

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The Bukkake Wars was a time of social upheaval, political intrigue, and nearly constant military conflict in Japan that lasted roughly from the middle 15th to the early 17th century. Almost nothing is currently known about the Bukkake Wars, and we're all probably better off for it. In 1862 the Meiji government was courted by foreign powers and, realizing the national embarrassment that could be caused if the truth became known, outlawed teaching this period of history and expunged it from all records. Despite this, modern historians have managed to piece together the following facts:

• The Bukkake Wars were fought using a unique form of combat that eschewed the use of weapons.

• The only armor worn by samurai during the Bukkake War period were glasses, lab goggles, and paintball masks.

• Despite this protection, by the war's end 84% of the samurai caste had been rendered blind.

The above facts lead to a conclusion so graphic, hideous and disturbing that any further research would be way, way, more than we wanted to know.