Bullshitdo

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“The One True Path goes right by the ice cream parlour. Could you give me a lift?”

~ Oscar Wilde on Bullshitdo

[edit] The Path of Bullshitdo

Invented by rabid squirrels in 1400 BC, Bullshitdo is an ancient art practiced by samurai in feudal Japan, comprised mainly of keeping one's swords nice and shiny and the ability to glare holes through concrete walls. While concrete walls did not, in fact, exist in feudal Japan, this did not deter practitioners of Bullshitdo in the least. A samurai following the path of Bullshitdo is often characterized by random acts of violence, bad dub jobs, melodramatic orchestra music, and Mount Fuji following them everywhere they go.

[edit] Dueling

Dueling is a common occurrence among samurai. While they do not flip out and kill people quite as often as ninjas, samurai do have quotas to fill and are known to get particularly belligerent near the end of the month. There is a fine art to dueling according to Bullshitdo, and a very strict order of events is observed.

• The duelists trade totally unrelated observances on the weather, the delicate shape of cherry blossoms, and how the Honorable Lord Tofu's sake tastes like elephant piss.
• The duelists bow.
• The duelists stare at each other.
• The duelists continue to stare.
• The duelists start to make random sounds like a constipated chicken on drugs.
• Dramatic instrumental accompaniment (Usually woodwinds) begins as the duelists stare some more. One or both generally begin to sweat at this point.
• The camera shifts to the sunset, a cherry blossom, a stream, or Mount Fuji as the music swells.
• The duelists still make random sounds like a consipated chicken on drugs.
• The duelists stare at each other.
• At this point, one of two things happen. Either one of the duelists screams something about a demon and flees like a little girl, or both duelists draw their swords and proceed to flail like children playing whiffle ball until one or both decide the whole affair is silly and decide to go get smashed at Lord Tofu's place.
• VICTOLY.

[edit] Notable Adherents

Su-San, Master of the Really Rather Shiny Blade. Some say a spark of the divine struck the founder of this honorable path one fateful night, others say it was just the effects of the bottle of Old Lord Tofu's he was nursing. Whatever the cause, Su-San struck upon the idea of Bullshitdo as "A really great way to pick up the geisha, yeah baby, if you catch what I'm sayin'." Unfortunately, Su-San was at the time so inebriated that he did not survive attempting intercourse with the bouncer's leg. Su-San stands as a role model to all who follow in his steps. See: A Samurai Named Su

Tom Cruise, also known as Samurai Tom. What Su-San began, Samurai Tom brought to perfection. So great was his influence that at one point he actually had to get a restraining order to keep Mount Fuji from following him everywhere, including public restrooms. Students include Larry King and James Williams