Ass

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This article is a filthy Image whore. This article has been with way too many images. This article would be right at home on the streets of Bangkok sucking someone off for $3. Hell, you may even get lucky with this article.

“Behind every great man, there is an ass.”

~ Sir Rutherfeld III on ass

An ass is a donkey. Scientists have been in a heated dispute on the matter of naming a donkey's hindquarters. Though asses are animals, they are kicked by little boys throughout history due to the word ass.

One of the three most popular parts of the human body, the ass has been the butt of many jokes and a massive area of focus by the public at large.

steev aspery

Contents 1 General ass info 2 Asses in other Cultures Levels of Hell 3 Etymology 4 What is this "ass" thing, anyway? apart from where giant turds free fall out of the colon, and sploosh into the patient ocean that waits for its other half - the Turd 5 Size, Shape, and Consistency 6 Inputs and Outputs 7 Rimming 8 Religious Restrictions 9 The Point of Anal Sex 10 See Also

[edit] General ass info

Women's asses can be extremely sexy, but their primary function is exporting brown chocolate. If you get excited by the following content, you are in good company.

[edit] Asses in other Cultures Levels of Hell

Many asses exist in different dimensions. In other words, asses don't just come from the United States or Denver. The Magnificent Democratic Online-Gaming Republic of South Corea (MDOGRSC) Have many, many asses (because they're computers are better then mine.). Usually in the form of Asian chicks or Pancakes (Nicknamed: Flabby Jack.)

• Many asses exist on alien worlds.
• It is a fact that asses coming from Africa have AIDS

[edit] Etymology

"Ass" Is an Americanism of "Susan" (See Arse).

[edit] What is this "ass" thing, anyway? apart from where giant turds free fall out of the colon, and sploosh into the patient ocean that waits for its other half - the Turd

• The one and only true meaning of ass is: any of several hoofed mammals of the genus Equus.
• Therefore "shove it up your ass" is only relevant in relation to hay. Or gay.
• Some philosophers believe all humor was pulled out of a big ass ass. Which is one large ass, evidently.
• Mexican philosophers think it was invented for the pleasure of General Sanchez
• The person reading this is an ass.

[edit] Size, Shape, and Consistency

Some like a big ass.

“I like big butts and I cannot lie...I want 'em real thick and juicy”

~ Sir Mix-A-Lot on big asses

Some like a small ass.

“I like my booties real slender, and tender... and if I see a big booty I'll put it in the blender”

~ MC Sampler & White Honkey on small asses

Some like a medium-sized ass.

“The tolerance range for ass is not to be exceeded.”

~ Winston Churchill on Modest Rump: Temperance Hither of the Iron Curtain

And, some furries like to sniff ass. ASS!

“I love sniffing under female tail”

~ Some furry on DeviantART, who is also seen in Sibe's blog from time to time' on ass

“I had a crack in my ass so I got it replaced”

~ Random Guy on His own ass

“Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's ass.”

~ God on The Ten Commandments

“Never trust a girl with a big butt and a smile.”

~ Shelly Zhang on butt

[edit] Inputs and Outputs

• Inputs: Your mom, Semen, Ben Wa balls, fingers, penises, tongues, Mexicans, rocking chairs, vegetables, contraband, iPod, oxygen, it (i.e., "shove it up your ass"), Margaret Thatcher, Antarctica, broom, Small Animals (See Mr. Garrison and Mr. Slave), Drugs.

• Outputs: Your mom, shit, gas, semen, wit, money (i.e. to pay out the ass), it (i.e., "Blow it out your ass"),Jar Jar Binks, Mr. Hankey (HOWWWWDEEEHOOE!), random facts SANTORUM, wikipedia content.

• Outputs can only come from a male ass; ladies do not poo, unless they are female, in which case they shit like there's no tomorrow.

[edit] Rimming

“Well, a rimjob is when you put your legs behind your head and somebody licks your ass!”

~ Steve Vai on ass

Frowned upon in the upper class socialite circles, the rimjob is a sexual practice that has been enjoyed for centuries around the world. Exceptionally common in Calcutta, India; Birmingham, Birminghamville; Birminghamton, Bolsover, Mianus, Saskatchewan; the Dnieper River in Russia, your mother's bedroom (belive us; we know.), Las Vegas, Nevada, USA, and Rob's Bedroom too. But really, what can't you find in Vegas these days?

[edit] Religious Restrictions

Muslims cannot use the human ass for sex. Vaginae, however, are another matter. Just ask Osama bin Laden.

Christians and Jehovah's Witnesses probably should not use the ass for sex, as it may anger their boss of love, who will then throw them into a boiling cauldron of raging hellfire to writhe in excruciating pain for all eternity (See also, Jack Chick).

[edit] The Point of Anal Sex

It is said that Chris Veader might have invented Anal sex, although many argue to the topic.^{[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much]} Recent theories put forward by Dr. Svendsen of the Swedish Institute for Rectal Research (S.I.R.R), suggests that while it is common knowledge that the penis is inserted in the woman´s vagina to, among other things, induce a womb-like state in men, it is now thought that inserting it anally will produce a sort of getting-back-at-the-old-man type of feeling. The father-figure is often thought to be an "anal" character in Freudian and other schools of psychology, and it seems only logical to think that ramming your Johnson up your lady´s or guy's Hershey Highway is just another way of saying "Up yours, Dad!". Dr. Svendsen has been much criticized lately and is said to be "full av skit" ("full of shit") by the Swedish medical community, which makes you wonder if that isn´t the man´s whole point to begin with.

Despite his claims to the contrary, Al Gore did not invent anal sex.

In Polish language, word 'pupa' means 'buttocks' and elbow bacon, either or it depends on context.

Many alien cultures contribute anal sex (Probes) to children.

[edit] See Also

• Booty Contest
• Donkey
• Arse Photos
• Smartass
• Gluteus Maximus
• The Blonde Ones' Arse
• Ass Man
• Batista
• Woodrow Wilson
• 50 Cent
• Soulja Boy
• George W. Bush

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