Bunny
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“Awwww...Come here little bunny come fuck!!!!!...The son of a bitch bit me!”
~ Captain Oblivious on Bunnys
“If they can see in the dark we are doomed!! they could attack any second!”
~ George Bush on Bunnys
There is little known about Lepus Carnivorous. Fully grown they are exceptional and fascinating, yet rarely seen. I will refer to them from now on by their common name, Bunny.
An ancient race, known for its vicious and savage tendencies. Believed to have brought many useless inventions to the world, including cellphones, microwaves, poets, and musical greeting cards. In 1998, it was discovered by the Clinjas that rabbits (the adult males, and more ferocious, versions of the bunny) can be seen only after taking the Red Pill.
[edit] Overview
Rabbits are the bastard children of ShamedShadow, the god of bunnies. During his early godhood years, he had a relationship with the female known as Jessica Alba. They often have white, fluffy fur and are kept as pets or security animals.
Rabbits have two front legs, one back legs, laser eyes that can shoot people up to 6 metres away, and one of their distinguishing features are their large ears. Often the epitome of cuteness, rabbits have a misleading reputation and are almost likely to attack and kill everything that moves. Varying in size from 3 to 6 meters, these vicious predators are one of the most feared creatures in Middle Earth. Brought forth from the seventh circle of Hell, though originally from Klendathu, they are surprisingly well versed in the waltz and swing dance. Their fur is actually made up of fine shards of children's teeth, (and you wondered why the Tooth Fairy paid so well). Fear them, for they are legion. Do not give a rabbit a carrot because they will turn into Rob Schneider and eat you. They are also not good pets for children because of their over-sized membranes with come out of their large ears as a gooey liquid-y substance which eats everything in its path. Many bunnies are also called Stealth bunnies, bunnies that will used silenced submachine guns and knives to stealthily kill their targets.
[edit] Development
[edit] Pupa Stage
Bunnies are very physiologically complex, confounding scientists over the years. For example, bunnies are the only mammals that undergo complex life stages like amphibians and insects. The first stage of growth is the pupa stage. The bunnies hatch from their eggs in a hive built by their parents. In forested areas, these hives are built into hollowed out trees. The hives are made out of carefully woven wood fibers and packed with grasses and other food, their favorite being alfalfa, to provide the pupas with something to eat when they hatch. When hatched, the bunnies they are not only blind and hairless, they also have very little use of their limbs. From hatching, the bunnies wrap themselves in their wings. The wings are furry to provide the bunnies with warmth and are also hard to help protect them from enemies.
The newborn female bunnies spend most of their time eating and sleeping, while the male newborns are usually consumed with running away from that annoying kid that lives on 82nd Drive in Stanwood named Brian, as he attempts to have gay human on newborn rabbit sex with them. During this time, the newborns are continuing to build energy and body mass for their flight from the trees. When they hatch in the beginning of winter, the bunnies are only 10 inches long. After staying in the hive for three months, each bunny doubles in size to 30 inches. Many leading researchers on the bunny believe that they hatch in the winter so the pupae can keep each other warm with body heat. In addition, this maximizes the time the bunnies have to live outside the hive before the next winter.
[edit] Habitat
They are mostly seen in holes but this is not there natural habitation, scientists have confirmed through rigorous landscape analyis that bunnies infact live in the branches of trees. This is the best place for them to attack their prey, as bugs bunny walks past trees quite often, they do descend from the sky to theive his Carrot to the pleading cries of "Whats up doc?". They are seen in holes only because of the continuing destruction of forests by the continuation of human destruction of their natural habitat, tending to make trees fall down at tremendous pace and sink the bunnies into the newly formed holes with the gravitational force.
[edit] Metamorphosis
Once the bunny has depleted all of its foodstuffs, it makes its way to the exit of the hive, relying on feeling of wind on its whiskers to guide it, as it has not yet seen light at this point. Once it has become acclimated to the world of vision, it spreads its wings for the first time and glides to the nearest living tree. It lives among the treetops for the summer and fall, traveling from tree to tree feasting on leaves, nuts, fruit, and anything else edible, building muscle and learning skills that will keep them alive over their immense lifespan. Once the leaves start to turn, the bunnies take their last flight, gliding down into a nearby river.
Here the unique composition of the bunnies’ wings comes to play. Eight to ten feet above the water, the bunny wraps its wings around itself, streamlining its form and giving it the momentum to plunge to the bottom of the river and stick in the mud. The wings then begin to decompose from the inside out, forming a hard shell in which the pupa bunny lives out the winter months and makes the transformation to the larval stage. This shell absorbs minerals from the river mud allowing it to take on the color of the riverbed and camouflage the bunny. For all outward appearances, the shells look like river rock lying at the bottom of the stream. In addition, this shell is semi permeable and allows carbon dioxide to pass out and oxygen to enter. Under the water, the bunny’s metabolism slows and it enters a form of suspension in which bodily resources are conserved.
The bunny spends from mid-November to about mid-February in this shell, transforming into the larval stage. This time varies depending on the climate. In a warmer climate, the bunny is in the shell for a shorter period of time, and the metamorphosis occurs much more quickly. While in a colder climate, the reaction is slower and the bunny is in suspension for a longer period. Thus, a warm climate pupa arrives at the larval stage smaller and fatter while the cold weather pupa creates a large lean larva. Because of this, the cold weather larvae tend to fare much better and more live to reach adulthood.
The Bunny then comes to a new stage in their development Known as the Nymph Stage. This stage in their development is short lived but necessary for without this stage the life of the bunny, the bunny would surly drown at the bottom of the river.Once the transformation is complete, the bunny shakes until loose of the mud, and the shell bobs to the surface. The bunny then breaks open the shell with its claws and swims to shore. The larvae are similar to what most people think of when they think of rabbit. At one point the stereotypical rabbit was the most populous species of Lepus, however, due to Lepus carnivorous and other predators, all species of rabbit except for Lepus carnivorous are nearing extinction.
[edit] Larva Stage
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The Nymph bunny crawls out of the river, and if it it makes it past the swarms of flying catfish, it hops up onto a rock and dries; After drying it has entered the larva developmental stage. Now it is about a foot in length and is fluffy, cute, and all such things as it should be. The larvae eat most anything they can reach, plants, fruits, and especially other larvae bunnies, which taste delicous. The bunnies stay in this stage for many years, sometimes never making it to adulthood. Many kinds of predators, especcially Flying Purple Hippos, like to catch them and eat them, or as the hippo does, pull their heads off when mad. It is possible to capture a bunny at this stage and keep it as a pet. However, if not properly tamed and cared for the bunny can become a danger to those around it, so until it is trained, it should be kept away from babies, small children, and other small pets. When kept as pets they sunt out and never change size. The larvae come in a variety of colors, white, brown, black, and are often a combination of these. In addition, there are blue larvae, but they are rarely seen. There is a theory in Lepus circles that the blue variety is so rare due to their unique flavor. It is said that these bunnies taste as vibrant blue as their coats are. This has made them a favorite among many predators and greatly contributes to their scarcity.
[edit] Reproduction
This is also the stage where bunnies reproduce. They mate seventy thousand times a day, all at the end of summer. The mother lays her eggs (think Cadbury bunny here folks), and the parents take turns protecting them and constructing the nest inside the tree. Once the nest is built, the parents climb up the inside of the tree using grips they gnawed, cradling the eggs between their bodies and the wall. They then pack the eggs into the hive and leave. The hive can be repaired and reused year after year as the bunnies and their offspring return to mate. Much of this process is the same in the grasslands; the bunny’s other natural habitat. One of the main differences is due to the lack of trees in the grasslands, the hives are built in burrows, and the larva parents stay near the hive to protect the pupa from predators, such as the lobster.
Sadly many of these bunnies never take flight, instead using their hard wings like armor to protect them from predators. In addition, the grassland bunnies tend to be larger and faster than their woodlands compatriots are, as food is more scarce and harder to catch, leading to a small population of strong bunnies. These are more likely to become adults because of their increased size and strength, but they are much less numerous than the woodland bunnies.
[edit] Adult Form
The least is known about the adult stage of development. Much of what is reported here is based on the conjecture of the leading scientists in this field. The metamorphosis into adult bunny is a long process. The chance to begin the metamorphosis arises the summer after the bunny first reproduces. If the spring was especially bountiful, the bunny will begin to grow, feasting over the summer and growing at least a foot. In the fall they will start to grow long front claws and dig a burrow. They will fill this burrow with food and gorge themselves over the winter, building up reserves for the long trek ahead of them. The adult bunnies live in the open desert, and the bunnies instinctually know where the nearest desert that is large enough to support them is. Over the course of the trek to the desert, which can sometimes take up to 2 years (the bunny winters in the warmer southern parts of the country), the bunny can double or even triple in size.
Once in the desert they use their claws to disarm and disassemble cacti and eat the juicy flesh on the inside. Using substances in the cactus, they begin to change in physical makeup, they become longer and their skulls become much more pointed, giving them long faces and larger jaws. Eventually they begin to secret an oily substance that allows them to slide across and through the sand. They then begin to tunnel. They travel under the sand using powerful muscles to slither through it and propel themselves along. At night when it’s cool, they come to the surface at bodies of water to drink, or to eat of the cacti. In addition, they take advantage of their enormous jaws to rise up out of the sand and swallow prey whole. If that region of the desert already contains a bunny, then they will battle for the region, often kicking up sandstorms.
No one knows how long they can live out in the desert as no researcher has survived in the desert long enough to fully document the life span of a bunny. It is estimated that they can live for hundreds of years if they find enough food. Adult bunnies grow up to 6 feet tall, (as tall as a human) but the largest bunny ever reported was estimated to be 25 feet tall. This staggering bunny was witnessed by the brave Russian zoologist, Valentin Danilov. Sadly, it is believed that the aforementioned bunny killed both the valiant researcher and his assistant as only his notebook was found in the wreckage of their camp. It is rumored that even the sandworms in the book Dune by Frank Herbert were based on a bunny sighting.
[edit] Supporters
Despite being the despicable, twisted, evil, creatures that they are... the bunnies are not without minion supporters in this world.
One of their most militant supporters, are the partisans at www.savetoby.com, a deceptive website, playing on a weakness of The Human Condition, pity, to fund their maniacal army of fury death.
There biggest supporter is their god, ShamedShadow (AKA Porygon3000). He has absolute control over all things of or relating to bunny hood. They are mainly mastered by darksmaster923
Have you ever wondered who ordered the hit on TuPac Shakur? What about Biggie Small? They have friends everywhere; in your stove, in your poptarts, in your local pet stores, and in your toliet. Fear them or they will eat you, poop you out, and eat you again.
[edit] History
There is much speculation about the origin of bunnies. Many people and bunnies believe they are a visiting alien race - evaluating us as possible lunchable meat ingredients - while others believe that they were the original inhabitants of this planet, but got bored and dragged us here to amuse them.
Several timeless prophecies suggest that bunnies may have a part in bringing about the end of the world, but anyone who has endeavoured to prove such prophecies true has vanished, leaving only red splotches and paw prints.
Before the First Age, people all across the land properly feared the bunnies, and children regularly died of fright from their mere mention. In an effort to decrease the death rate in children, the Gods changed the spelling of bunny from the proper "Qboonnnyuu" (or Qboonnnyw for plural) to the now used "bunny".
It has been widely accepted around the world that there is a rabbit living on the moon. First seen by the person who wrote the Chinese Mid-Autumn Festival Myth, it is supposedly white and fluffy.
The actual truth, unknown to many in the science field, is that ShamedShadow (AKA Golden_Pheonix_, Terry16389) created bunnies to worship his holiness, and the fact that he is The God of Bunnies.
[edit] Diet
Rabbits have large, canine teeth which are used for hunting. A rabbit hunts by tricking its prey into thinking it's a cute, fluffy, and tasty meal. It will attack when the victims bends down to pet or trap it. then it slaughters it by means of spiking up its fur until it stands on end. Victims have been found with spleens removed, so it is assumed that rabbits eats the spleen. Rabbits have also been known to swallow toothpaste tubes whole, and digest them completely.That's CRAZY NOT TRUE!!!
Diet includes kimchi, gaegogi, small children, and various forms of perfume (indeed, the whole point of this industry may be as a dietary supplement for these brutal beasts). The myth that bunnies love carrots is in actuality a fallacy as they are in fact allergic to the orange fruit.
Not much else is known about the rabbit's diet.
[edit] Habitat
Rabbits live in what is known as a hutch, or rabbit hole, a large tunnel in the ground. At the bottom of the tunnel, a large box of baby milk bottles can be found. This might explain the Great Baby Bottle Kidnapping of 1987.
Rabbits live in temperate climates, with long winters and cool summers. Except for Hugh Heffner's rabbits, which have been known to live in magazine racks right around the world.
They also live at ShamedShadow's (AKA Golden_Pheonix_, Terry16389) home.
[edit] Known Facts
- The most common known fact is that Rabbits possess the uncommon (but powerful) Zombostenone steroid that acts as a natural zombie repellant. It has been found that the concentration of zombostenone in rabbits is so high that zombies cannot coexist within 600m of living rabbit.
- When ready to attack, the vicious bunny will let out an unspeakable roar that will paralyze even the most emotionally stable. No human can stand to hear the sound and live.
- Semi-automatic "bunnies" are the most commonly used bunnies by reputed mobsters for shooting somebody in the head.
- There is currently no known way to defeat a bunny in mortal combat; they are immensely powerful and will also resort to many forms of dastardly tricks such as looking cute, twitching their noses, spunking in or a suckerpunch right to the face.
- Little is known about the social life of a bunny; anyone who got close enough to get any reliable information was never seen again. (*Note* An exception to this is Harris "One Ear" McGuff, who no longer speaks of the 'incident' with these fluff-covered beasts. However, the accident is somewhat self-explanatory.)
- Were involved in their first major skirmish with the Great Emperor Nasi Goreng who subsequently built the Great Wall of China to stop the rabbit invasions. There were just... too many rabbits... in China.
- Any who are bold enough to risk certain doom at the hands of these creatures of doom will surely receive a hero's reward when they reveal what fate the bunnies are planning for us all. A reward will be given to the person who destroy's the ever so evil bunny.
- There are too many mother ------- rabbits on this mother ------- China!
- Killer Rabbits, a subclass better known as "wabbitus montypythus", make an even more dreadful adversary with two tails, five muscled legs and three sharp pointy teeth, while normal rabits only have four legs and two teeth. The result is a 63% more deadly killing machine.
- PWN all cows
- Have a tendency to scratch people on their wrists and then everyone mistakes the victim as an emo.
- Bunnies love to scream "DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
- A sub subclass of Killer Rabbits is Fuzzy Woo Woos "wabbitus woolybuns", who sneak up on sleeping people and smother them with their heavy wool fur. See Jerkalope for more info.
- Despite the misleading name, Bunnyland has no bunnies.
- Contrary to popular belief, bunnies are in fact a vegetable.
- Rabbits' ears also act as air conditioning units and were commonly used in the Soviet Union to keep the home/shed cool. This is where the phrase "Cold as rabbit ears" orginated.
- Buddhist monks believed the spleens from monkeys brought eternal happiness. Ofcourse, they couldn't catch monkeys and instead got rabbits. The spleens were hung from ceiling fans and worshipped. This made many kings angry, and the kings went on a killing spree...for some reason. Three apostles, followers of the rabbit spleeen, resisted the kings and write the rabbit bible. The kings read the bible and forgave the rabbit followers, and apoogized for the millions of killnig.
- If you ever have a lame, anime flashback within two hundred miles of a rabbit, you will be killed instantly.
- Recipes for cooking rabbits can be found in Gorgery: The Art of Rabbit Eating by Callem Volret.
- The official Bunny Slayer is Stacey, who, if you need her, recides in Newcatle, England. She is the most successful Bunny Slayer to date.
- They were first discovered in the Far East around 2333 B.C. by the brilliant general Sun Tzu who was very impressed and wrote:
- "So in war, Who ever can lure his enemy past the lair of the killer rabbit in the country of 'Morning calm' will be victorious at WoW." - Sun Tzu
- The god of all bunnies is ShamedShadow, who also travels under aliases such as Golden_Pheonix_, and Terry16389.
- For some unknown reason they prefer to play Halo 2 over your died body after eating your appendix. We can not explain this phenomenon.
- Despite all rumors, rabbits will in fact rule the world, and also are immortal. They will eat the nonbelievers (the ones that do not believe that rabbits are going to rule someday) and have already created the most deadly nuclear weapon of all time. It is so powerful that even cockroaches disintegrate from it.
[edit] A story about bunnies
once upon a time, there was a tiny war between bunnies and humans. the humans were out-numbered by the bunnies because the furbies signed a treaty with them. but secretly the legos joined forces with the humans and built the Death Square. the Death Square could kill any bunny alive. but little did the humans know, the bunnies were making shielded bunnies in their evil lab. after years of experiments, the bunnies made the Bumble-Bunnies and the Fuzzy Woo Woos. these radioactive bunnies could penetrate the Death Square's shields and eventually they got into the Death Square and killed Tom Cruise! a few weeks later winter came but the bunnies had camofluage so they could hide in the snow. the humans would hide in snowmen and wait for a bunny to come by and then they would catch the bunny. later, the bunnies started to arm themselves with bazooka's and M-16 assault rifles. a few days later Bush thought that the canadians had weapons of mass destruction so he bombed them with nukes. but the people in minnesota died too! the bunnies had shields so they didn't die. eventually the bunnies won the war and they all had a merry christmas! (Bush was later shot by a furbie! YAY!)
written by Noodlez (teh uberest person on the internet)
[edit] A (different) story about bunnies
In beginning there were two major world empires. The empire of Men and the Rabbit Republic. Neither knew of the other empire and both empires lived in peace. Then some stupid human stuck her head (had to be a girl, American obviously) down a funny hole in the ground and saw a cavern filled with millions of fluffy rabbits all tinkering with some form of advanced machinery. Needless to say, the girl screamed, the rabbits looked up and her life promptly ended a few seconds later. But the damage had been done. The rabbits now knew that there was another life form on their world and set out to remove it. Like a scourge the Rabbit Armies rose from below and armed with the lasted carrot blasting machine guns attacked the world of men. Very quickly the Rabbit Armies learnt that carrots, while toxic to rabbits only gave humans a nasty bump on the head. Hunters armed with rifles reaped heavy casualties on the Rabbit Armies and they were forced to retreat below to plot their next move.
Thus for a few years there was peace.
The Rabbits however had a new secret weapon. While raiding before, they had attacked a house with a huge plasma screen and the entire collection of Star Wars, Star Trek and every other star-thing out there. After watching the entire collection a billion times over, the rabbits figured out how to build lightsabers. Copying the Jedi fighting technique, (and bemoaning their lack of the Force), they outfitted a new army and once again made war on the race of Men. Human kind was caught off guard. Hunters firing hunting rifles at a black tide waving little sticks of flashing candy watched in horror as their bullets were deflected before being chopped into lots of tiny pieces.
The United States Army stepped in. After quite a few losses (The Generals didn’t believe in bullet deflecting lightsabers, and for that matter didn’t believe in Rabbits either), the Americans did what they always did. They dropped nuclear bombs on every site which even had a whiff of a rabbit. The rabbits after discovering that lightsabers were not very good at blocking exploding atom particles once again beat a hasty retreat and the world was saved, though for many years afterwards babies are born with three heads.
For a little while anyway.
Deep in their dungeon catacombs the rabbits went back to Star Wars. After figuring out there was nothing left which would be worthwhile, they moved onto Star Trek (despite the great objections by the Rabbit Saber Council who were sure they had discovered a way to use the force!) Two hours later an order was given to the rabbit manufacturers. It regarded ships with shields.
The world was shocked when the rabbits appeared again with their lightsabers, sheer numbers and brutality. What really puzzled the leaders of Earth was the broccoli shaped objects moving among the horde. Objects which when the order was given to nuke, the rabbits scurried inside and after the bombing emerged again safe and sound. The rabbits had perfected Star Trek shields. With ease the Rabbit Armies consumed America butchering human and cat alike in a huge blood like scourge which would later be known as the Rage. The humans though were not without ideas.
Following the conquest of America the Rabbit Armies looked to their next target. Europe. Crossing the sea in their broccoli shaped ships (complete with Star Trek style shields), they landed on the coast of Spain because… a) It was where all the American survivors had fled to b) The rabbits were tired of fighting and wanted to go shopping for sombreros.
Meanwhile in Wellington, New Zealand the leaders of free Earth met together to discuss the impending invasion. True after butchering the Americans is Spain, the rabbit invasion had come to a halt for the winter (The rabbits had discovered the wonders of Spanish food) but it was only a matter of time before the Rabbit Armies set out again to continue their mission of totally annihilating the human race. True to the democratic environment, nothing was accomplished at this summit, but everyone went home feeling more happy that they had actually done something.
A band of humans decided to takes matters into their own hands. Calling themselves the Nasty Injection Totally for Rabbits Organization (or Nitro for short) they held their own summit for the fate of mankind. A decision was made. Instead of building bigger weapons to counter the Rabbit Armies, they would build smaller. While the rabbits wintered in Spain, Nitro send to work in creating the most toxic Myxomatosis with the shortest incubation period in the history of the rabbits (which hadn’t been very long).
On January 4, soon after the New Year Nitro struck. The Rabbit Armies wintering in Madrid were caught off guard by a small strike force wielding sprayers and canisters full of Myxomatosis in a liquid form. A Rabbit hit by the smallest molecule of this substance would immediacy feel a burning sensation in the infected area, then all over the body. The pain would increase to such a point that the rabbit would be unaware of its surroundings, and be ruled by an urge to run to all the rabbits in its near vicinity. The disease would quickly spread to any nearby rabbits by touch and death would follow the rabbit in under five minutes. The Rabbit Army was almost completely wiped out apart from the foragers away at the time who fled back on there broccoli ships to America afterwards bearing tides of doom.
Back in Las Vegas, the Rabbit Armies Surface capital was thrown into disarray. Even the Americans with their Nuclear weapons had not posed as great a threat as Nitro. With the Rabbit High Council arguing different ideas it looked like that the Rabbit Armies were finished. Then an ambitious rabbit killed the entire council, declared himself the High Rabbit (Thus ending the rabbit republic) and changed his name to the Enemy. Enemy reformed the Rabbit Armies, dividing into four with each quart led by a Rabbit Commander. No more would the Rabbit Armies be a leaderless horde led by a scheming backstabbing council. They were now what no Rabbit had ever been, organized!
After the news of Nitro’s attack on the Rabbit, and sending them fleeing back to America broke out, Nitro gained thousands of members from every country in the world. Naturally the prime ministers/dictators of each country tried to claim credit for creating and controlling Nitro, but soon it became to the rest of the world clear that Nitro was its own master. Governed by a council of eight, claiming no allegiance to any country, they were united under only one banner. The extinction of Rabbit Kind. Nitro launched its own strike upon Rabbit Land (formerly America). For the first time the Rabbit Armies were on the defensive. Lightsaber met Myxomatosis infected blades, with an electrical shock core designed so the lightsaber cold not cut through them. The humans of Nitro had more height and strength, with only a scratch was needed to kill an enemy rabbit. What the rabbits lacked, they made up for with sheer numbers and a blood lust fit for were-wolves. For every rabbit killed, ten took its place. One on one human was superior but the rabbits were so many. Nitro was forced to withdraw back to Europe and the Rabbit Armies under the command of Green Rabbit and Blue Rabbit followed them.
Now it was Nitro on the defensive against an overwhelming tide which never seemed to end. Nitro forces were slowly forced back, giving one blood soaked footstep back after another. In peace sons bury fathers. In war fathers bury sons. However in this bloody massacre both the father and the son were butchered and roasted alive on slow turning spits manned by hungry rabbits.
The heroic tales of this war would be too long to recall here. Of how 10 Nitro soldiers defended a bunker surrounded by a thousand, thousand rabbits for three days. How 500 surrendered at Grayed Groves to the Blue Rabbit outside of Paris and were skinned alive to buy time for the citizens of Paris could flee to safety. How Jason of Wales slew the mighty Goliath Rabbit on the cliffs of Dover. The heroic twelve Guardians of Norway, the wondrous healer of Germany and all these greats were lost in the bloody tide of war which humans called the Rage, lost forever.
Most of the world was now held under Rabbit control. Nitro though bruised, were far from beaten. On July 22, two years after the war began, the council of Nitro met in Moscow, Russia last free stronghold of men. Russia was bursting at the seams with people, all refugees. Support for two main plans divided the council. One proposed by Jason of Wales, leader of the Nitro was to bait and lure Enemy and his four generals to Antarctica (The only cold enough place to freeze them) and seal them in an iceberg. Leaderless, the Rabbit Armies would flock to the ice continent to free them and a giant nuclear bomb laced with Myxomatosis could be set off to destroy them all. This plan was met with great disagreement from the council as it was too risky. The explosion could infect the ices of Antarctica with radiation and the melting ice could contaminate waterways around the world.
The other proposed by Larissa, deputy and chief rival for the leadership of Nitro was to build a huge mind controlling device. Using this device, the rabbits would come under Nitro control and be forced to rebuild human civilization before being forced to drown in any large amount of water. This plan was argued heavily against by Jason as if the rabbits gained control of such a device, they could use it to control the human population and ultimately Nitro. However the council decided to press ahead with Larissa’s plan.
Just as the device was completed, disaster struck. The country where the lab containing the Mind device was over run by Blue Rabbit Forces. The scientists were killed but not before they had hidden the device, so the rabbits had no knowledge of it. The Nitro Council considered attempting to take back the territory containing the device, but under the command of Red Rabbit and Orange Rabbit the Rabbit Armies launched a fresh offence on Russia. With enemies looking at the border, it looked like mankind’s last battle had come.
Jason decided to continue his plan without the council’s approval. With a small taskforce, he fled Russia to Antarctica where he sent a message to Enemy challenging him and his four generals to single combat, in the process calling Enemy a coward and a fool. Enemy unable to resist such a taunt took himself, his four generals and a large bodyguard to Antarctica. Jason then sprung his trap. Using C-4 and smoke grenades he lured the bodyguard away from the generals, before watching them fall into and a crater which had been covered with thin wood. The commanders were taken captive and chained to an iceberg, with the bolts deep within.
The Rabbit Armies immediately came to Antarctica ca to free their captured comrades, some leaving in the midst of battle. Jason activated his giant nuclear bomb laced with Myxomatosis, destroying himself and the Rabbit Armies. The war had finally over. Mankind was bruised and scarred but it had survived. They could rebuild all that had been destroyed.
No one expected what happened next.
Before the bomb was set off, Enemy freed himself from the iceberg and killed the guards. Leaving his generals to die, he had raced to the bomb. Knowing he could not avert the countdown, somehow using some weird Rabbit Physics, he altered the bomb causing it to cause a much larger explosion then expected. Enemy then fled to a Rabbit Rocket ship (just built) and blasted off to space... The explosion set the world out of orbit into the sun and the world burnt up.
[edit] Wallace & Gromit in the curse of the Oh-So-Scary Were-Rabbit
The ancient well-known history of the Were-Rabbit that took place in Egypt around 480 B.C. has now become a documentary. Wallace (Adam Sandler) is the pharaoh that played in a jazz-band called the "Crappy T-Shirt-Whigger Wannabes". Gromit (the male version of Britney Spears) is TEH Whigger-King that (almost) got to know George Bush. [[image:Babybuns.jpg|thumb|right|Infant bunny shown in its instinctive 'kung fu attack mode'.]
Samir Amin wrote: "There are 2 different ways in which the Were-Rabbit can attack:
- Run as fast as Idi Amin into the Chinese Wall.
- Eat itself and wait for its stomach to explode."
After an envigorating chase scene, the film ends with a nuclear bomb released over Peru.
[edit] Possible Defenses
If you are lucky enough to have some form of mythic weaponry available to you on an encounter with a bunny, it is highly recommended you use it without hesitation, as the bunny has lightning fast reflexes and usually goes right for your throat. Holy weapons in particular are believed to have good effect; holy machine guns, bazookas and hand grenades may theoretically be able to stop one of these terrors before many lives are lost.
With the full-scale industrialized production process of the Holy Hand Grenade by the Pope in the basements of the Vatican itself came an end to the reign of terror of the killer rabbit.
Holy hand grenades seem to be the only thing that can stop this devilish mammal except for maybe Keanu Reeves or Adam West.
A recent theory suggests that Bunnies may be dreadfully allergic to carrots, and as such, wearing a heavy grade suit of plate carrot armor may provide the extra few seconds of pre-mauling that might just let you get way. If you're lucky. Which you probably won't be. But feel free to try anyway, we- uh, I mean- the bunnies love a challenge!
Another theory is that the rabbit is really a species of llama that came to earth to eat people because of the food shortage on their planet of FaRmLAAnd. This theory states that the only way to rid oneself of the rabbit is to sing and hopefully distract it long enough to throw nearby objects at it. Please respond if this theory has worked, as so far no one has responded, we're guessing that it actually is a very bad theory.
[edit] The Fat Shit Rabbit
As you can see on the left, the fat shit rabbit is any rabbit that weighs over 15 pounds, regardless of its height. Some can even reach up to 30 pounds, which is even more than some dogs. In other words, the fat shit rabbit can and will eat said dogs. So, if you have a pet rabbit, and it weighs over 15 pounds like this one, take it to the doctor and get its heart checked. If it heart is fine walk its fat ass... FAT FAT ASS. The diet of the fat shit rabbit is generally double that of the normal rabbit, but is slow, so it uses the element of surprise, then muscles its prey to the ground, so it can slowly swallow its prey. They also have poisonous glands behind their tonsils, which are lethal to humans on impact with the blood stream. They should be handled with care. Also, if you own one as a pet, make sure that is pen is made of reinforced steel, with reinforced steel beams to support it. There have been cases of fat shit rabbits escaping from cages in the suburbs of New York City, Los Angeles, Miami, and many other populous cities. If you live in New Jersey, New York (not upstate), or Conneticut, do you remember that huge blackout? A massive pack of fat shit bunnies did that so that they could catch their prey in the dark that night. They are intelligent species of rabbits, so if you ever see them, alert the SWAT teams. In the times of Middle-Earth, the elves, hobbits, humans, and orcs all learned to coincide with these rabbits. As a matter of fact, they rode them in battle. This fact is left out in the movie to add excitement and prestige... I mean, who the $#@% wants to ride a rabbit? Then, the orcs angered the fat shit race by mutilating them in their bases. They had decided from then on their objective was... SLAY ALL NON-BUNNY PEOPLE. That reminds me of that time I had gay sex with an orc from middle-earth. Man was he a beast... RAAAAAAAAAH!!! I moaned in orgasm as I jized aaaaaaaaaall over him. He took a big mouthful. Just so you guys know, I'm only gay with orcs, not humans. And I've only done another "guy" (don't consider orcs to be guys (lack of genitals)) once... Anyway the point is that if you see any fat shit bunnies around, immediately warn the authorities. Also, having gay sex with orcs from middle earth doesn't make you gay, but having sex with Frodo, Gimli, Aragorn, Legolas, or Gandalf (especially Gandalf) makes you gay. This species bunny has been known to spontaneously explode at the drop of a hat, with a force similar to an atomic bomb. Therefore, it is dangerous to feed or even touch a such a creature, as they are extremely sensitive. Feeding and washing your fat rabbit should be left to a professional handler. It is important to keep your fat rabbit indoors at all times, because even a light breeze can be enough to set off the animal in a nuclear explosion. This is why most fat rabbits are used when most military bombs are manufactured. Note: That guy in the picture above IS a professional handler. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!!!!
[edit] Bunny Humping
People love to hump bunnys. Bunnys are actully the most commonly humped animals. Since the beggining of time bunnys were bruttally humped and then the bunnys ate you. Bunny humping was in the song "broke bunny humpers" when they said:
If you aint got no money, Get you hunp on a bunny!
[edit] Disclaimer
The author(s) of this article are not responsible for any personal losses resulting from the bunnies' response to your reading this article, and especially not the losses that would result if you were to actually go out and MEET a bunny!
The deceased photographers ask you not to try reproducing the pictures above. As it was, we had to scrape their remains of off the rather mangled cameras, and many of the best shots had teeth marks in them.
FLASHBACK: Jimmy Carter Attacked by Killer Rabbit
As the Bunnies continue to learn and evolve on our planet, they've developed a new weapon against Mankind - Were-Bunnyism. Bunnies born from 1928 and later have a new sort of retrovirus present in Bunny saliva that, when delivered to an open wound (through biting) infects the victim within 2-4 pecaseconds. The result is a horrible Man-Bunny hybrid that will roam the world, spreading his wretched disease to all he encounters.
The best known way to destroy a WereBunny is by shooting it through the heart with an Ice Javelin. This renders the WereBunny unconscious, and you can then dispose of the creature by removing its head with a silver-lined blessed scythe. The WereBunny will then explode into a cloud of flaming ashes.
Currently, there are no known treatments for werebunnyism aside from the aforementioned remedy. However, scientists are working diligently on creating a vaccine by killing bunnies en masse.
One of the most dreaded bunnies is named Stan. He is the one that steals all your quarters that you need for the laundry machines. Rumour has it that he is building a house out of them. He is also responsible for stealing pens and using them to poke unweary people on public busses. people there just discusting humping bunnys oh sorry i dit introduce my self propoly im martin the evil martion comin to eat your private parts u better hide them
p.s run while you still can privates RUN
[edit] See also
[[Image:Easter.jpg|250px|right|Typical Easter Bunny.]]
- Donnie Darko
- Rabbits - not bunny
- The Dust Bunny
- Bugs Bunny
- Lepus Carnivorous
- Roger Rabbit
- Blame bunny
- Cadbury Egg Bunny
- Easter Bunny
- Welsh Rarebit
- Sugarglider
- Furby
- Fibonacci number
- Google Seawch
- Energizer bunny
- Mutant Guinea Pigs
- Logic Bunny
- (radioactive) Carrots
- Small Woodland Animals
- Miffy
- Rabbids
- mildy retarded bunnys
[edit] External links
rabbits are visceous predators that enjoy mauling, disembouling, and ripping the heads off their unfortunate pray.
yo yo yo peeps i like rock more than you
