Burrito

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Artistic conception of a typical burrito (Pasteles carnei), actual size.

“Where is it?”

~ Michael Moore on his burrito

The burrito (Pasteles carnei) is a very small beast of burden (slightly larger than the Mexican cockroach), which is native to Ixtapaluca, Mexico. The burrito is also known to be the downfall of Mexican food as we know it, because white people can literally stuff anything into it nowadays and still call it by its honorable maiden name. In Southern Mexico they call them burritas (feminine, with 'a') because they enjoy raping them after they nuke them in a microwava, which they also rape. It is widely known burritos look more masculine than feminine so raping them is just plain gay. So that must make most of Southern Mexico gay. If you live in Southern Mexico and you are a male and are sexually attracted to masculinity, go rape a burrita if it makes you happy, just don't rape mine I am eating it thank you.

1 History
2 El Burrito today
3 The distant future
4 See also

[edit] History

Cladogram showing the evolutionary relationships of Mexican fauna (from the June 2003 issue of Scientific Mexican, p 237).

According to godless evolutionists, the burrito is most closely related to the chihuahuahua, having split from its last common ancestor billions and billions of years ago. Recent archaeological evidence indicates that prehistoric protomexicans domesticated the wild burrito by tempting it with a chalupa on a stick. The tiny pack animal was was then brutally enslaved to help build the mighty Mexican ziggurats and the mighty Mexican pueblos and the mighty Mayan pyramids and many other cheap Mexican tourist traps.

The Ancient Ancestor of today's Burrito.

In 1947, it was displaced by the shopping cart as a slightly more efficient means of mass transit.

[edit] El Burrito today

Today, the cute little burrito is beloved and cared for by Mexicans of all ages. Its diminutive size makes it ideal for a child's pet and hauling individual coffee beans over the most rugged terrain. Only after the burrito has outlived its adorable cuteness is it then skewered on a pointed stick, dipped in lard, roasted to perfection, and eaten with many flaming hot spices. It is also the official food of the University of Arizona. Michael Moore has been searching for his for quite some time.

The Surgeon General has warned that the consumption of the burrito may lead to uncontrollable flatulence followed by a steady stream of diarrhea erupting out of the anal orifice with tremendous pressure. It has also been said that if not cooked properly, the burrito will eat you from the inside out.

[edit] The distant future

Due to uncontrolled inbreeding over the next five million years, the burrito will avenge its past brutal treatment by evolving into a gigantic hyperintelligent mutant cyborg bent on exterminating the last remnants of humanity. However, humanity will be saved from the monstrous cybernetic burrito hordes at the last minute by the heroic intervention of Tortillazilla (soon after Tortillazilla finishes eating and digesting Mexico City).