Bus
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“In Soviet Russia, Bus catches YOU!!'”
~ Russian reversal on Buses
“Ein bus, ein bus, mein faterland für ein bus!!'”
~ Adolf Hitler on Buses/Politics/Philosophy/Blitzkrieg
A bus is a vehicle intended to carry very large people , their clinically obese wives and sometimes their chunky children too. The name is a shortened version of Latin omnivore, which means "for people who eat everything they see, like the red car off of the milky way adverts from back in the day, where it had a race with the blue car and all that, you follow??".
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[edit] Historians talk a lot, mainly on 'The Bus'
The omnibus, the first organised pubic transit system, was invented when Adolf Hitler, a retired army officer, built public baths run on the surplus heat from his cheesecake factory
- The UK also claims invention of the Bus, but this is untrue.
[edit] Social Influenza
The omnibus had many repercussions for society:
- It made possible the use of the Oyster card.
- It put people into previously-unheard-of physical intimacy with strangers, which led to acts of shameless Self Promotion. Only the very poor, lepers and other retards remained excluded from the sexual free for all.
More intense urbanization was to follow. Within a very few years, the New York omnibus had a rival in the street car. The street car was named Desire.
[edit] Buses and Civil Rights
When buses were first domesticated, the back of the bus, or as it is popularly known, ass country, was reserved for mule-tenders and servants. This situation deteriorated rapidly when after a heavy night of chicken killing, voodoo priestess Rosa Parks sacrificed a virgin to conjure up a bus. Parks was told to sit in the back due to her alignment, but she could not handle the extra milegage so she decided to contact 90's superstar lawyer Ali Macbeal, and after court hearings with like a judge and a gavel, Parks won the right for members of her gang to travel in the front of the bus, like the geeks on school trips.
[edit] Mess With my Bus and I'll Bus You Up, Fool
Buses have a strict social system dived into several broad classes.
- Public transport, this type of bus is Probably best avoided.
- Tour buses, which show tourists other famous buses by bus.
Total shit
- School buses, a bus which contains a school.
- Special buses, not retarded, special! Ok?
- Gillig Phantom, a ghost bus.
[edit] Busted
Because of strict regulations banning bus drivers from any social contact with ordinary citizens, they tend to be grumpy people. To brighten up their days, they often deliberately leave dog excrement at bus stops. When passengers inevitably stand in the doo doo before boarding the bus, the driver will use the resulting mess as a pretext to rough them up a bit, while surreptitiously copping a feel. To reclaim the cost of wear and tear caused to boobs and bums by these gropings, most people defraud the driver with a fake bus pass. If you have to take a Stagecoach bus you should always allow at least 23 minutes extra for your journey, as they are often held up by highwaymen and banditos.
[edit] Deep Scientific Analysis On The Bus
During the early 1980's, in a scientific study that cost the US government $75 million, it was concluded that the wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round. Also, the wipers on the bus go swish swish, swish swish, swish swish, and most surprisingly, swish swish. The next part of the study began with the hypothesis that the baby on the bus goes "Wah, wah, wah". However, it was later found that the baby had actually been drop-kicked off the bus, and thus the baby on the road goes "splat splat splat".
[edit] Decline of the intercity bus
Especially in the United States, with the continued increase in urbanization and automobile ownership rates.... do you think anyone really cares, all this stuff is only copied off wikipedia anyway, it's a sham to promote some idiot's page about Oyster cards, still at least they aren't trying to get anyone to that terrible page with all the naked buttocks.
[edit] Buses do not wear shoes
A common beleief of a surprisingly large number of people. The unknowing Sir Josiah Johnson famed for his invention of the bus stop once was tormented as a child when his mother taught him the improper verson of the song, "The wheels on the bus". Instead of saying the "wheels", Josiah's mother used the word "shoes". To this day Johnson has bad dreams about buses with shoes. Sometimes Buses will wear pictures of shoes on the outsides of their wheels just to confuse people. Don't be a FOOL! Josiah was knighted by The Burger King because the first stop he invented was outside of the very first BK lounge. Every bus in the world HAD to stop outside said resturant.
