Bush Math
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Bush Math, or Blair Math as it is also known, is a theorem from the New Math school of thinking, which is named after the evil sorcerers George Hairy Bush and Tony Blair, who developed the theory with the help of popular new mathematician Prof. George Muller. Bush Math was first used in the year 2003 to justify entering the mystical kingdom of Qari to steal the large supplies of pixie dust which resided there. Bush Math is the process of showing that a contradictory statement is true, that one fact is equal to the opposite fact, that the moon is tetragonal, that the sky is green and that black is white.
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[edit] The Process of Bush Math
Bush Maths consists of three main stages:
- Derive two contradictory statements
- Combine these statements using dubious and questionable techniques
- Arrive at a nonsensical conclusion, which is then released to the general public through Fox News
- The X axis and the Y axis of evil
- An incorrect number of main stages
A fourth stage is sometimes applied to the process:
- An Old Maths supporter usually referred to as a liberal, bleeding heart, or America hater uncovers the dubious technique used to combine the two contradictory statements and publishes the findings on an unknown website or an obscure left wing current affairs magazine that nobody reads.
[edit] One Plus One Equals Three
Many mathematical theorems are hard to understand just by reading the principles of the theorem; a step by step example of the theorem in action always helps in understanding. In this example we will prove, using Bush Math, that 1+1=3. 1+1=3 is probably the most famous Bush Math equation, which was first discovered in Hairy Bush’s 10th grade math test. First assume that a=1, and write down the expression a=b. Now perform the following operations upon the expression: multiply both sides by b, subtract a squared from each side, factorize both sides and divide both sides by (b-a) as follows:
If a=2a, and a=1 then 1=2. If 1=2 then 1+1=3, and 1+1=4. This is obvious nonsense as 1=2, but what went wrong? The equation above is airtight. This is because in Bush Math dividing by zero is completely acceptable at all times. This is how many problems are solved, in fact.
[edit] Uncovering The Dubious Technique
The process of revealing the dubious technique involved, often referred to as 'lie', is often carried out by pot smoking bleeding heart hippie freaks, people who hate their country, people who support the enemy, Canadians, etc, etc.
In the case above a pot smoking math student from Quebec will suffice. In the third line of the equation both sides of the equation are equal to zero no matter what the original value of a was. After that both sides of the equation are always equal to zero so a=2a is correct in this case, but not in any other cases.
Hairy Bush and Blair often used facts that might have been true when put together in one particular way and made them true for all cases. Pure freaking genius. The process of Bush Math allowed Hairy Bush and his faithful ally to invade Qari, but for some unknown reason the people of Qari fought back on a daily basis after the invasion of the country. But it will only be a matter of time before we start stealing the pixie dust.
[edit] Examples of Bush Math Equations and Their Old Math Equivalents
- Black=white - black=black or white=white
- Sky=green - sky=blue
- Circle=square - circle=circle or square=square
- Circle=those funny shapes that go round - circle=circle
- Happy=sad - happy=happy or sad=sad
- Lie=truth - lie=lie or truth=truth
- Bush=true - Bush=bullshit
- Blair=true - Blair=bullshit
- Iraq=WMD - Iraq=harmless, well, except for that point about 15 years ago when they launched scuds at Israel, but that doesn't count.
- Cheney=human - Cheney=android
- Dick=Cheney - dickless=Cheney
- Evolution = false - Evolution=Respectable Theory
- Intelligent Design= Respectable Theory - Intelligent design = George Bush's kindergarten finger paintings
- Dubya=clever, reasonable human being - Dubya=idiot
- 9/11=Invade Iraq - 9/11=0.81818
