Butterfly
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“I can't believe it's not butter!”
The Butterfly Is NOT a flying insect. (this guy is a retard!) At most one can say that the butterfly has evolved into a bug that has become very bad in falling-to-the-ground. Every time the creature seems to complete the very simple task of crashing to it's doom it simply fails at it by suddenly shooting towards a totally non-crash related direction. Considering this it can be concluded that the one thing that butterflies excel at is mutating into horrible freaks of nature. For instance camouflage. Whereas the sane family member, the moth, is known for it explicit skills in camouflage the butterfly , being flawed in all it's ways, accomplishes the following nono's regarding "survivability when being tasty bird snack":
- Look like a big (obviously fake) eye so every bird can see you
- Use bright blue colors to match the gray/brown tree bark
- Be as yellow as you can be against the sky/pavement
- Flap overly big orange wings in a mostly green flat environment
- Imitate the appearance of birds that are very tasty as well
Butterflies are incredibly huge, butterflies range from 500-1000 feet long!
[edit] The Monster Flap head Bug
As easy as it is to dismiss this monstrous failure of proper natural selection one must not underestimate the butterfly and discard it as a trivial entity. Where it's more stable cousin, the moth, only causes death by getting a skull tattoo and logging itself into some girls throat, the butterfly is capable and responsible for far more deaths and destruction. Leading scientists in a large array of fields have drawn the same conclusion that certain families of the butterfly Lepradopeterror are souly responsible for many world wide disasters and tragedies. The most famous being the Chinese butterfly who's main objective is to cause tornados in Kansas as often as possible. These creatures are expected to cause the end of humankind in the year 2020.
Butterfly are also known to cause the following :
- Earthquakes
- Tidal waves
- Levy breaches
- War
- More war
- Asteroid impacts
- Alien abductions
- Polka music
- Line dancing
- Opening the bag is you don't watch Midnight Spank, G4's new late night lineup.
The most dangerous butterfly species are :
- the Lorquin's Admiral (responsible for Pearl Harbor and slave traders)
- the Scarce Swallowtail (cause of all hunger and poverty, as well for useless Swallow sketches and bird flu)
- Peacock Butterfly (The number one carrier of micro-dick sickness)
- Comma Butterfly ( 'the', "source", of bad ..punctuation,, ( as seen, in,! 'this' article )..,
- Monarch Butterfly (Bringer of all bad things possible except bad tyrannic monarchs ( hench the name ).
- Quantum Weather Butterfly (with Mandelbrotwings capable of causing massive tornado's anywhere in the world by merely flapping its wings)
[edit] Inferior Qualities
The butterfly simply is an inferior life form because of the following reasons. Butterflies suck at:
- Ice hockey
- Knitting
- Political debate
- Oscar Wilde quotes
- Flying
- Falling to the ground
- Not being eaten
- Looking nice up close
- Not causing global catastrophes
- Playing harp
- Singing
- Being a lovable pet
- Metallurgy
- Colour coordination (read earlier section)
[edit] Butterflies and natural disasters.
The scientific community has discovered a deadly phenomenon known as "The Butterfly Effect". Butterflies have the uncanny and terrifying ability to cause tornadoes half way around the world on impulse, simply by flapping their wings. It has been determined that the ice age, hurricane katrina, the dust bowl, and several other natural disasters were all caused by butterflies. In fact, 100% of butterfly-related disasters can be related directly to butterflies. Every spring we have more danger of falling victim to a full-on apocalypse due to butterflies.
[edit] Counter Measures
The global awareness of the terror caused by the butterfly had been on the increase since the Elvis Glitter-suit disaster in Vegas (1976). The king,infected by the parasite butterfly species Blue Morpho, had uncontrollable urges to dress and eat just like a butterfly, a lifestyle that leads to the path of total destruction (and deaths on toilets).
To counter this global threat many nations started to introduce programs to kill off the evil butterfly. Alas to no avail. Recent counter measure attempts :
- China killing lots of butterflies (and in that high spirited process by accident killing tons of politically opposed innocent activists (and babies)) only to trigger a Tsunami and a Hugh hurricane season.
- USA Starting a global war on Iraqi butterfly terror , only to spark a new form of more wing-flapping Destruction.
- North Pole Lowering the average temperature so the wing flappers can't survive.
[edit] More Irritating Features of Butterflies
Some people have suggested that an amazing thing about the word "butterfly" is that if one rearranges the letters you could spell "Flutter-by" (or Flutter by). Since Fluttering by is precisely what a Butterfly does some people feel the need to proclaim this humorous or entertaining, Which, of course, it is NOT.
There Is absolutely nothing amusing nor funny about the fact that, by pure coincidence, the letters in one word can be rearranged to form another word that means roughly the same. It's a waste of precious resources and the use of such nonsense should be punishable by law. The silly person that thought up the butterfly thing simply had to much time on his hands. Some sad Joe even invented a word for these cases in which to sets of letters form different words that mean the same thing. This type is of course the ultimate slacker and he/she should have been shot. He called these idiotic words spoonerisms.
[edit] Creation
The creation of a butterfly is very simple. All it requires is a steady hand and a small piece of butter. Tilt your arm at a 360 degree angle, and throw the butter in a specific way and it will fly, hence a butterfly. The art of making butterflies is very complicated and should be left to Martians.
