CAS
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“Thus with a kiss I die...”
~ Romeo Montague on CAS
CAS is a program (plan of torture worse than chocolate deprivation) mandatory for all IB Diploma Students (aka "misled Twats").
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[edit] For a student about to embark on this journey (or simply has an interest in the sadistic)
Do a good deed! Expand your interests! Waste 150 hours of your lifetime! Use up all your free time! "Free time" can be defined as time that OTHER people have. Log it all into a little book or an MS Excel spreadsheet! This is CAS, where documentation is your best friend. CAS stands for, "Creativity, Action, Service". IBO students are challenged to try and better themselves and their community by not just wasting time on their book work, but also things such as crappy poetry, or a pile of horse shit encapsulated in a plastic bubble. This is also known in some circles as "Art".
[edit] "Creative"
Other examples of the "Creative" section are expanding a strip dance routine at a nearby club, becoming the next Beethoven or that other one... Eminem, or something... or was it Ray Charles? Anyway, you could also teach muffins to tapdance, with new choreography of course or even smack an empty plastic water
(*NOTE: if the same activity is undertaken with bottles of a harder material, then this could be counted as service for if one is stupid enough to take IB, the absence of their mind from the collective intelligence/stupidity of humankind can only be seen as a boon)
[edit] "Active"
A major component to being in the CAS program is being active, which doesn't necessarily mean going outside, so don't worry, you won't have to look at the sun, or interact with others, any time soon. Examples of this would twiddling your thumbs, bonding with your pillow, pelting the IBO building with rocks, or alternatively molotov cocktails. The choice of which would depend on whether you have been taking HL Maths or not. This is also good for service hours! Crying helplessly (but..actively) at the sad situation of your life, or rather, lack thereof is also a real go getting kind of activity that the IB program encourages. As well, participating in the complex llama mating ritual. This could also contribute to your IB Group 4 Science project, another form of a torture device from our beloved IBO.
NOTE: Due to the underlying philosophy of CAS (which they claim they have) and using an unspecified but surely unnecessarily overcomplicated procedure (which no external person to the IBO has managed to figure out as soon as the use of logic was attempted), already "active" "misfortunates" (participants of CAS) are disadvantaged. The more "active" a "misfortunate" is the more disadvantaged it is. The most "active" "misfortunates" have the least chance of coming up with an activity that the Supervisor of Lame Unnecessary Torture (SLUT, but to avoid insult it is formally known as the CAS Coordinator) accepts.
[edit] "Service"
This field of CAS, is very broad and open to many different forms of service, so long as it's for free, you dumb asses. The best way is to go all out, and service the society in more ways than one; join your local whorehouse. Alternatively is your years of IB have degenerated your genitals to the point where sexual desire is no longer present (usually replaced by empathy), you could donate pillows to your entire IB class, as they need them as much as you do, or do something else that would bring tears to your mom's eyes, inspire pride in your dad's heart, and leave you feeling rosy cheeked that you have done something for mankind, animalkind, donkeykind, alienkind... just so long you weren't paid. Otherwise you're a fascist.
However if none of this interests you, you can take an alternative path, where you sleep with a few non-family members, you incestuous retard, and get them to sign a few forms.
Next, begin a novel titled "The Story of my non-existent life in the past two years thanks to IB" detailing every second of the torture inflicted upon you. Once done, await the arrival of the sodomising raging goats; you deserve it for being stupid enough to start such a program.
[edit] CAS Ideas
Here are a few ideas for CAS as put forward by the Eternal Council of International Baccalaureate:
Creativity
- Repaint the Sistine Chapel, preferably at night.
- Invent a new color. Extra credit will be given if the color can perform miracles.
- Write an essay on every single work of art ever produced. Marks will be deducted if the essay goes over the 4000-word limit or fails to include every work of art.
- Design a new musical genre. Hours will not be awarded if said genre is in any way similar to any existing genre that has ever existed.
- Become a zombie. Write an epic poem about your experiences. Poem must not contain vowels.
Action
- Do a marathon. Then do another. Repeat until 50 hours of Action have occurred, or death; whichever comes first.
- Work out until you look like Ronnie Coleman. Then parade around wearing very little.
- Play chess for 50 hours. Chess is a sport...
- Do starjumps while reciting the Koran. Do not finish until you are able to recite the whole Koran from memory.
- Travel around the world in 80 days. Use of any type of vehicle will result in disqualification.
Service
- Win a Nobel Peace Prize. For more information, read the biography of Yasser Arafat entitled Destroying Zionist Pigs In Seven Easy Steps.
- Abolish World Poverty. Hours will not count if anybody helps you achieve this goal.
- Kill Dan Brown before he publishes another book. Not only will you get your CAS hours, you will have the world's gratitude.
- Bring about World Peace. Extra hours will be awarded for ushering in the 1000-year Kingdom of the Lord.
- Destroy IB with your Fiery Sword of Damnation (Attack +7)
[edit] Cheating
Cheating with CAS is fairly easy, you just need to come up with something ridiculous and write that you did it on a CAS form then forge an obviously fake signation and leave it in to your mentor. Don't worry, most IB teachers usually think you are an Angel and simply dumbfoundedly accept it or they hate CAS just as much as you do and accept it anyway!!!!
[edit] The person, The legend
Cas is an epically powerd uber n00b that inhabits a small shit hole. From this hole he starts fights with people bigger than him as everyone stands arounds and watches. He sits all day eating pies and shuvvles them ion two at a time.
