CBBC
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CBBC is the brand name for the BBC's children's television output, aimed at children aged 4-12 years (that's in case you wondered why there were so many 'breaking wind' sound effects and abrupt raucous laughing in every programme). The service was first launched 67 years after World War I (11th November 1985).
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[edit] Launch
The first slot started at 3:55pm with Play School with Paella Benjamin and Brian Idiot, followed by 'Noel's Game Show' and 'Newsround' with Jonathan Craven (who nowadays holds an obsessive interest in the Countryfile calendar). The presenter at the time, John Sweeney, had a marionette companion called 'Mr. Ben' (named after the David McKee character). Next year, the Children's BBC slot decided to have more of an American influence and so went behind the scenes to find out how Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles are made. The graphic scenes were then cut and John Sweeney was replaced with Phillip Schofield. A few years later, Phillip made the mistake of broadcasting the BBC One globe before an episode of 'King Rollo' and was subsequentley sent to the BBC's soundproof cell until bosses came up with a punishment. Phillip was fired the next morning.
[edit] The 90's
The 1990's were a year when comedians such as Bobby Davro and Mike McClean rose to prominence, and also a decade of great children's television (according to housebound 24-year-olds). All of the brooms were taken out of a utility room and a few monitors, children's pictures, a gas lift chair, desk and Betacam were set up in it. This was to become the Broom Cupboard, and it was where Andi Peters would introduce the programmes such as 'Get Your Michelin Star Back' (this was later revived on Channel 4 as 'Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares') and 'Bodger & Gopher'. Andi's puppet companion was a duck called Edd and a butler who I've forgotten the name of. 1997 saw CBBC move to 'Studio 9', a room in which obsessive Paul Young fans were stored during his performances. The biggest star of CBBC has to be 'Otis the Aardvark' in which he flirted with stand-up comedians from North East England and made sh*te jokes. Unfortunatley, he was later demoted to the BBC canteen as he wasn't to clash with American-imported cartoon 'Arthur'. In an interview with the Daily Express, he said "The little bastard looks nothing like me".
[edit] Today
Nowadays, the CBBC slot is hosted by an unfunny Autistic wanker called Ed Petrie who sounds like William Shatner and has a puppet cactus on screen. He consistently encourages youngsters to turn over from BBC One to the CBBC Channel, presumably due to the fact that they have finished showing a Japanese import and he now wants people to turn over to the aforementioned channel to view the next one. His personality and monstrous hair puts Vernon Kay's to shame. If that isn't stupid enough, on Mornings CBBC is hosted by the two guys from Tracy Beaker who seem to have a fetish for chicken nuggets. Instead of catering for children up to sixteen, programmes such as Grange Hill have been reduced to the level of stupidity, bordering on embarrassing - as to keep in with the new 4-12 year target audience. One of the most controverial of these programmes would be 'Penis and Dom In Da House' in which Tom Cruise appeared as a fifth Househead, and got squirted in the face during 'Babba Poorly Mama'. He said to Penis and Dom "You're jerks!" and walked off the show. Since September 2008, Ed and Oucho have been substituted by Holly and Dunceton (who for some reason looks like a penis).
[edit] MyCBBC
Obviously by the name, it is an attempt to make another MySpace (with a spoonfull of Habbo Hotel) rip-off. On this site, kids can shape, make and create their own blog and prepare for other ones like Bebo and Piczo. The two most viewed members of MyCBBC are Michael Jackson and Josef Fritzel.
[edit] Programmes
| Daily Schedule | Programme Description | Would kids watch it? |
|---|---|---|
| 2:30am | Television K (Michael Jackson is said to be a fan) | Probably asleep. |
| 6:30am | Bogies! (presented by John Sweeney) | Yeah |
| 7:00am | Mock The Week Kids (presented by Frankie Boyle, with what promised to be a clean version of the adult programme. He then proceeded to make jokes about HIV, Stephen Hawking and Scotland | Possibly... |
| 7:30am | The Likeaballs - more like shitaballs. | Yes. |
| 7:45am | Jakers - This is an example of a show that should be on the baby version. | If you are a Toddler, yes. |
| 8:00am | Hider in the House (Cancelled after Michael Jackson's appearance) | Yeah |
| 9:00am | Penis & Dom In Da House. | Yeah |
| 9:30am | Mother Ted (The story of Ted Hamble - loving father by day - crossdresser by night) | Totally! |
| 10:00am | The Story of Tracy Beaker (DOUBLE BILL) (a programme which depicts life in a children's home down to a T, except for the parts where foodfights break out and the staff are shouted at. In my day, you'd have got a severe bollocking for that). | Tweens will. |
[edit] Other Shows (See: Nobody Cares)
- Spaz Patrol.
- The Mighty Truck Of Fudge.
- Sorry, I've Got No Penis - Catherine Tate and the Little Britain duo alone could kick their anal rectums anyday!
- Monster Cafe (was taken off as that skull's jokes were copyright of Mad TV)
- Bodger and Gopher (a spin-off series of Winnie The Pooh, as the character of Gopher joins a second-rate comedian as he struggles to find employment)
- Big Cook Little Cook
- The latest frothy BBC One drama series remade for kids
- The latest reality programme that has Graham Norton laughing all the way to the bank is remade for kids.
- The Sarah Jane Adventures
- A moment with Ed and Oucho
- Funking Fables - Finally an excuse for children to send photos of themselves...
- Piss and Kantrop
- Watch My Chops!
