Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare

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“You can shoot people with guns”

~ Captain Obvious on Call of Duty 4

“Making more money is our Call of Duty”

~ Infinity Ward on Call of Duty 4

Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare is the latest installment of the Call of Duty franchise, proceeding Call of Duty 2 and Call of Duty 3: The Hunt for Hitler's Gold and the popular cross-over title Call of Duty: The Search For Spock By January 2008 it had sold tens of copies, outstripping its main first person shooter rival - Call of Duty 3. It was developed by Infinity Ward and features a single-player campaign, a multiplayer including leaderboards, and a sadistic arcade mode where players are awarded points for how many democracy-loving freedom fighters they can brutally massacre by either stuffing them full of bullets and defecating on their corpse or ripping them apart with knives or blowing them up with missiles that cost more than some countries entire GDP. Bonuses are awarded for splattering their innocent brains pulp-fiction style so the blood lust of the tyrannical Special Air Service and US Marines is satisfied.

Contents 1 Story 2 Gameplay 3 Weaponry 4 Mulitplayer 5 See Also

[edit] Story

An oppressive dictator in the Middle East has been overthrown by popular demand and democracy restored. The player, as either the US Marines or the SAS, are tasked with occupying the country in a greedy, morally corrupt quest for oil. The action takes place in a variety of locales, such as the first level where you execute a group of aid workers (on their way to deliver christmas gifts to under priveledged children) on board a merchant ship because Captain Price (your deranged mad-man of a leader) FUCKING FEELS LIKE IT, THAT'S WHY. On the way you're joined by token black man Griggs and a babykiller called Gaz. Once you've completed the story mode and thereby securing the oil fields the 'Mile High Club' option is made available on the mission select screen. Disappointingly, this doesn't involve ploughing a slut in an airplane toilet but instead has you hijacking the thing, strangling the pilots, and planting a bomb in third class.

[edit] Gameplay

The playable characters are Sergeants 'Soap' McTavish (named for his habit of dropping the soap in public showers) of the SAS and Paul Jackson of the US Marines and as these two your main objective is to shoot quite a lot of people with big ass weaponry, and then shoot some more people, and probably some bystanders as well. You can do this sitting on your ass for hours at a time by pressing the same buttons repeatedly because you're a sick motherfucker in need of help. The game introduced the revolutionary concept of shooting people who are moving slightly and shooting people who are a bit higher than you are, although the best new feature is the ability to sprint. However, because the human body has not evolved sufficiently it is totally impossible to shoot people and run at the same time, so far a way of moving your feet and pressing a trigger with one action of your finger is too mind-blowing to contemplate. Sometimes you are threatened with tanks and other artillery, but crucially they all have a massive weakness to shiny yellow buttons and are driven by people who think it's a good idea to not bother doing anything when surrounded by smoke.

[edit] Weaponry

Players are also afforded a large variety of weapons to smack the shit out of people with. The main weapon in the game is the grenade, expert technique is to throw them one after the other in random directions, a suitable secondary is the grenade launcher as this can be used to counter the enemy who are also skilled at chucking endless grenades. Assault rifles and machine guns are rarely used as the player is often too busy dodging grenades and/or throwing grenades. Regardless a number of guns are listed below.

• Shotgun - come in two versions and have the range of an archer with one arm. Also known as the 'noob tube'
• Light Machine Guns - such as the RPD and the SAW, take several minutes to reload. Also known as the 'noob tube'
• Sniper Rifle - Useful if you can avoid being obliterated by airstrikes and helicopters or being stabbed in the back by someone who saw you on his UAV. You can't by the way. With the exception of the grenade, these have the longest range. Also known as the 'noob tube'
• Assault Rifle - Best suited to medium and long range where you might have an opportunity to shoot people tossing grenades. These types of weapons have a reputation for being 'noob tubes'
• Submachine Guns - An example being the MP5. Not worth using because they don't have grenade launching capabilities. People using these guns are known as 'noob tubers'.
• RPG - Handy for knocking down helicopters. Unfortunately, helicopters target players with the RPG first, so try cooking a grenade instead. Helicopters can be taken down effortlessly if a couple of people unload a few rounds with a light machine gun, but this is too much effort.
• Grenade (also called Grenada, Frag, or Gregovitch) - Though not technically a gun, it is responsible for 99.9% of all kills and is worth mentioning. It is best suited for any situation. Effectiveness is greatly amplified by the 3x Frag glitch.

[edit] Mulitplayer

The multiplayer concept of the game offers an opportunity to enlarge your e-penis. A player can rise to a higher rank based on his or her performance, points are awarded for kills and for completing challenges such as downing somebody with a returned grenade, a cooked grenade, or by getting more than one person with a single grenade. As you progress, weapons and upgrades are unlocked - like the Frag Grenade X3, Martyrdom (letting your body spill a grenade when you're killed by someone else's grenade) and the higher explosive damage, the latter of which is useful if you intend to throw a grenade. Which you do. There are various game modes to take part in:

• Headquarters - involves professional soldiers killing each other over a laptop that will be probably be out of date by next year. These laptops should be the focus of your grenades.

• Domination - a game mode that sadly isn't as kinky as it sounds. The bases should be the focus of your grenades.

• Team Deathmatch - just shooting anyone who isn't your colour, you racist bastard. The enemy should be the focus of your grenades.

• Free-for-all - just shooting anyone. The middle of the map should be the focus of your grenades though any random area should be equally effective. Just throw them!

• Sabotage - the game mode where teams kill the crap out of each other for a suitcase bomb to blow up a pile of portable missile launchers. Since soldiers aren't that bright they put a timer of 30 seconds allowing the enemy time to defuse it. The bomb starts off in the middle and should be the focus of your grenades.

• Search and Destroy - similar to sabotage but only one team gets the bomb, the other must defend two objectives. Soldiers killed don't respawn until the next round and is the only mode where everyone gets a free tent so they can camp all game long. Since there is no way of telling where the enemy is, the focus of your grenades should be on yourself to save your enemy the trouble of having to kill you.

• Old-school Free-for-all - similar to Free-for-all except you have a zillion times more health and everyone starts off with highly poisonous creature as a weapon. You can also jump twice as high which noobs believe can save you from certain death. Oddly enough, grenades are not always one hit kills, but throwing them randomly is encouraged simply because you have nothing better to do with them.

• Hardcore Team Deathmatch and Search and Destroy - follows the rules of the regular counterparts above. The difference is that you have a zillion times less health and friendly fire is enabled. The primary focus of your grenades should be at your teammates cause they can't kick you and it is funny.

In addition to your standard loadout of weapons you are given three slots for perks. These perks are listed by slot number.

Perk 1: Support Weapon Perks

• C4 - a throwable pack of clay that explodes. A bright blinking light often gives away its positon.
• RPG - gives you two rocket propelled grenades; grossly underpowered.
• 3x Special Grenades - allows you to carry three Stun or Flash grenades. No Smoke grenades though cause that is just silly.
• Claymore - as if C4 wasn't enough now you got more clay; enjoy your playdough.
• Bandolier - upgrades your soldier's intelligence making him think of going into a battle with extra ammunition (doesn't help with the can't fire while sprinting though).
• 3x Frag - this is really a glitch and it is the source of fustration from those who do not have it.
• Bomb Squad - calls in some members of Al-Qaeda to take care of your enemy; grossly underpowered.

Perk 2: 'Perks to extend your life' Perks.

• Stopping Power - makes your bullets lethal.
• Juggernaut - increases your health and angers veterns who expect players to drop after four shots.
• Sonic Boom - turns your grenades into thermonuclear warheads.
• Sleight of Hand - another intelligence increasing perk that forces your soldier to reload his gun as quickly as possible.
• Double Tap - allows you to harass the waitress/waiter with twice the pleasure.
• Overkill - another intelligence increasing perk that convinces your soldier that another primary weapon is better than a pistol (though being a COD4 soldier, you leave the pistol in the locker room).
• UAV Jammer - Summons a magician who renders you invisible on enemy radar; only for noobs.

Perk 3: 'Those annoying perks desinged to get cheap kills' Perks

• Extreme Conditioning - uses steroids to keep a soldier running for more than five steps cause we all know military fighters are not in the greatest shape.
• Deep Impact - allows for further penetration.
• Steady Aim - helps you prevent shooting like a handicapped child from the hip.
• Last Stand - allows you to pistol-own people before dying and you can even stab someone in the shin (killing him instantly) and gain temnporay invincibility while you go from standing to Last Stand mode. This transistion period often causes an enemy to run out of bullets and reload.
• Martydom - you shit out a cooked grenade when owned by anyone else; HIGHLY RECOMMENDED IN HARDCORE MODES.
• Iron Lungs - gives the enemy asthma.
• Dead Silence - instantly kills you so you make no more noices.
• Eavesdrop - lets you listen to the prodctive and team focused chatter of the enemy.

Even if you are a noob, don't worry! COD4's ranking system is based on experience there is no penatly whatsoever for sucking. So pick up your controller and join the enemy team so I can own you real bad. I also teabag when appropriate (like there is ever a wrong time to teabag!).

[edit] See Also

• Call of Duty 2