Camille Paglia
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“When Lucifer landed upon Earth, out of one foot sprouted onions, out of the other, Camille Paglia.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Camille Paglia
Camille-Toe Paglia used to be one of Harold Bloom's chins, but was cut off some time during the 40s. Since then, she has 'come onto the scene,' having proclaimed herself Hegel's Absolute Science, to drive feminists into submission.
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[edit] Early Life
In her earliest years, Paglia functioned as a naive empiricism in human consciousness, what one would call 'sense-certainty.' For all things were perceived as objects before her subjectivity. However, nothing that came inside of her was pure, but always came theory laden, leaving her guilty and suicidal. Therefore, beholding such antithesis, she began to realize, "there's a little bit a me in everything" (Sexual Personae, ix). She became perplexed as to how she could be the antithesis to her own thesis, but what the heck, the universe is her, so she can do whatever the heck SHE wants!
[edit] A Little Later
Paglia soon learned that she was not alone, and started up The Perceiving Friends Network. As she coursed through their minds, universal categories were decided whereby to perceive the once-pure objects; but by the categorization of the thingies, they had become somewhat more Pagliated. When the Network, having become more doubtful of all this, was subverted by sublime French poetry, Paglia turned to bigger, better things.
[edit] Coming Out
Then Paglia began understanding that everything was her all along; that she already knew everything, and that her overflowing of Absolute Knowledge was the being of all things. In short, she created everything from her very mind, the whole universe was the progress of her Spirit manifesting itself historically. If only Hegel knew, it was Paglia all along! Now all that was left to do was to remember it all, get herself a hi-ball, and relax.
Paglia is currently erecting a statue in her honor which will be in the shape of a phallus and a vulva (not sure how). It will shoot what will appear like water from the top; but it will actually be wisdom cascading down upon anyone who cares to wash themselves and be Paglianated. The statue's name is still up for debate by Paglia's steering committee (which includes the following: Camille Paglia), but the proffered name at this point is: PagliaHenge. Contributions are currently being accepted at www.pagliahenge.org (major credit cards accepted).
[edit] Criticism
John Updike once astutely observed, "WTF?" However, defenders of Paglia were quick to point out that "WTF" is quite impossible to pronounce, and more than likely a reference to the now-defunct World Truffle Federation.
[edit] Important Works
- Sexual Personae: Art and Decadence from Nefertiti to Emily Dickinson (1990)
- The Universe
- All books in print (see Library of Congress for more information)
